


Vetus Amor

by kxdlola120



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Journalism, M/M, Old Friends, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-09-02 10:06:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 76,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16784800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxdlola120/pseuds/kxdlola120
Summary: The thought of him was supposed to stay in the past, where Daehyun rejected his love.But destiny plays its cards differently.





	1. Chapter 01.

Youngjae was an ordinary boy. Some might say even boring. But he was happy with his life, with his friends, with his ambitions. He's dreamed about being someone who his parents could be proud of. Wishes dangled between being a lawyer and being a journalist. And somehow, when he was just twelve years old, his heart picked the second choice. For once in his life, he felt proud. He felt like he belonged there in the big bad world, as his parents used to say. 

Youngjae turned 19, as his first year of college approached. His excitement was over the top when he heard that his best friend, Kim Himchan, was going to move in with him, for the elder was his best friend from kindergarten. They were sand buddies, sitting at one corner of the sand box, because their mothers were friends. Some kid ruined Youngjae's sand castle and Himchan, being the older one, took a stand. He pushed the bully out of the way and took younger's hand pulling him out. They were only 5 years old, but in Youngjae's eyes he was much more. 

Himchan took the same initiative, but in a another way when Youngjae came out to his parents. Himchan helped him with moving away when Youngjae's parents threw him out, saying that he's a disgrace to his family name. Himchan took him in, placing a roof over his head, and food on their table. His mother, being the reasonable women, talked to Youngjae's mom, convincing her that their son was just that, and that he was just as much as they need him to be. After all, she'd accepted Himchan after he came out. They didn't want to say that her son was also gay, because Youngjae's parents could've thought that he had been a bad influence for their precious baby. So after couple of weeks of 'please think about bringing him back' from the Kims and 'I don't want to be embarrassment for them' from Youngjae, he settled back home, where he belonged. 

Youngjae was happy, rather that empty, after his parents changed their attitude towards him. But after all, they were cold and distant. Somehow talk about him going to the doctors to 'heal' him, as they would say, came across their minds, worrying both Himchan and his mother. 

Himchan's mom was a reasonable women. She lost her husband when Himchan was just a baby, so she did everything to support her only child. When her son confessed that he was gay, she was more than happy, because he showed her that he could trust her with something so big. She was his father figure too. And when he told her that he wanted to be a designer after her, she couldn't be prouder. But Youngjae was the one needing their help. And Himchan's mother couldn't see him unhappy in any way.

So Youngjae tried, getting into the college he wanted, bringing proudness to both of his parents. And when his first year a successful one, they couldn't push him out, and turn their back. Himchan was there too, always by Youngjae's side.

"Youngie, you are trying too hard..." Himchan said as he sat down at the cafeteria table.

Himchan was majoring in communication, and their colleges shared a building. So that meant a lot more time together. 

Youngjae looked like a washed cloth, ramming the halls like a ghost. He was already pale, but studying drained him even more. He even lost his baby fat, leaving his best friend worrying. Himchan was out almost every night, partying, and Youngjae was left alone at the library to study for some test that wasn't even announced yet. He wanted to prove his parents that he was worth it, that he could be the best. He craved for the day when they would be proud of him. So decision to put fun aside was quickly made in his mind. 

"Nah... I'm fine!" Youngjae finished, looking at the distance. His lunch was untouched, and Himchan, being the best friend, tried to get his mind clear. He would buy protein bars, leaving them around their apartment, and sometimes hiding them in between Youngjae's books. Youngjae was always glad for his attention, but somehow convinced that there was nothing to worry about. 

By his last year, Youngjae became a corpse, dragging himself through the hallways to the next class. Everyone pitied him, leaving him alone for most time. Eventually his only friend was Himchan. Until that one class when the new student sat beside him, changing his focus. 

"Hi. I'm Jung Daehyun, nice to meet you." Youngjae hummed, focusing on the class and the teacher ahead. The man was so deep into talking, that even the slight murmur didn't deter him from teaching.

"Why are you even interested in political economic, this guy is so boring," Daehyun started again, after not getting the name from this really cute guy beside, as he thought when he first saw Youngjae. Youngjae was ready to teach him a lesson, but when that gummy smile came into his view, all the words vanished from his head. 

This guy was really beautiful to say at least, with almond-colored hair and sparkling eyes. His teeth formed such a nice line, that he couldn't help but stare. And those plump lips that stretched in such a nice and hot way, as he thought, were the most kissable lips ever. Youngjae was just sitting there, mouth agape, staring at the beautiful creature. Wheels in his head started working again, remembering his name, and his tongue slipped 'Dae'. It came more like a whisper but the guy beside heard loud enough. 

Daehyun looked him like he was crazy, but realized it soon after. He only smiled, shaking his hand in front of Youngjae's face to bring him back from the daze. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Youngjae nodded, but his voice was already lost.

"I asked you, what is your name?" Daehyun repeated again, not getting it out of the other guy. 

"Young.. Youngjae." he whispered and then the teacher interrupted them, telling them to keep it quite. Daehyun apologized, bowing a little, focusing on the blackboard ahead, but Youngjae was still staring. 

He felt something in his stomach, not knowing how to put it. Sure, he had crushes before, but not like this. Daehyun has been the one to quite literally shake up his world. 

"Sorry, is there something wrong?" Daehyun asked, now feeling rather exposed. Youngjae shook his head, trying to focus. 

'Quite contrary' Youngjae said under his breathe but Daehyun heard it loud and clear. He smiled sheepishly, eyeing the boy beside. The class ended, and Youngjae was caught daydreaming. He quickly composed, capturing everything from his side of the table, as he rushed out, already running to the cafeteria. 

Himchan realized that his best friend was somehow lost, but tried not to push more pressure on the younger. He was waiting for him by the entrance, getting surprised when Youngjae stormed in by him, losing himself in the mass of people. Youngjae bought the food, but rather than putting the tray aside and pulling out some book, he played with the food. His mind was occupied with certain someone, and that scared him. Nobody, and he mean nobody could put him away from his possible knowledge, but those dark eyes were too much to think about. 

"Ohh, there he is!" Himchan broke the silence and stood up to greet someone. When Youngjae looked up, his nightmare was becoming true. There, in front of him, stood the man of his dream, dressed as sin in tight jeans and simple white shirt. 

"We meet again," Daehyun flashed his winning smile, and sat down in front of Youngjae. Youngjae nodded and licked his dry lips. Daehyun smirked at the sight and dug into his food. 

"You know each other? " Himchan broke the silence, focusing on his best friend. 

"We have the same class," he whispered, barely looking at the others at the table, and Daehyun confirmed. 

"That's nice!" Himchan winked at Youngjae, seeing how nervous he was. Youngjae gulped and finished his tray rather quickly. He hurried in his next class, thanking all of the mighty existence for being alone in the classroom, because lunch wasn't over. But then his luck was running out. When he walked into the classroom, he's left the door open, letting in someone else.

"Why did you ran away?" Youngjae turned around and found the owner of the silky-smooth voice. 

"I.. I.. Did not..." Youngjae stuttered, cursing mentally for his nervousness. 

"I'm just joking," Daehyun entered the classroom and approached Youngjae who pulled away to the windows. He placed both his hands on the shaking boy, drawing little circles on his shoulders.

"Let's be friends, huh?" Youngjae shook his head, not registering his gesture. Daehyun looked surprised, taking a few steps back. 

"No, no, I mean, yeah, I would like to be friends with you." Youngjae confirmed, winning a drop dead gorgeous smile from Daehyun. 

"Good!" the brown hair boy chuckled and left the classroom. But just before he exited, he winked at the Youngjae, and the said boy could melt in a puddle of joy, and not mind one bit. 

Couple of months after that went really well, Youngjae thought. Daehyun and him became really good friends. Their free time was spent together, just having fun and getting to know each other.

Soon afterwards, Youngjae met Daehyun's parents even, and they fell in love with him, as Youngjae hoped for the same when it came to their son too. Daehyun had a lot of fan-girls, as it turned out in the end, following him around, some admiring him from afar. He didn't have a problem with that, because he was aware of his good looks. Sometimes even more than aware. He would get candies or some small presents from his groupies, but he didn't like when he was chased. He saw them as some girls who were throwing them at him, and he liked his interest as a prey, hard to catch, easy to devour. 

Youngjae was shy around him for awhile, but after some time he relaxed. And when he was brave enough to look him in the eyes for more than a second, Youngjae thought about imagining all those little looks the elder was giving him from time to time. Daehyun was a hugger, as well as a tease, teasing especially Youngjae. The younger was squishy, as Daehyun would have called him when they were alone, so it was only natural that Daehyun loved to hug him too. Youngjae hated the nickname, so Daehyun agreed to call him Jae in public and squishy when they were hanging around alone. 

Daehyun was couple of months older, and already drove car, so they developed a habit to go together to school. Daehyun would pick Youngjae up at his house, as the habit of driving transfered to driving around, even before school. As much as Youngjae asked older to pay for gas money or to just drive to school without him, Daehyun would always say that was fine, and that he enjoyed their alone time. 

"I really like spending time with you, so just relax," Daehyun said couple of times, and even if Youngjae knew that he meant it as a friend, his heart beaten faster just by those words. 

One morning Daehyun didn't show up to pick him, so Youngjae went by foot, and got late to the first class. He wasn't angry, because he didn't see the other the whole first half of their classes, so he went to find Himchan at their usual table at the cafeteria. 

"Hey, look who finally remembered of having other friends other than Daehyun," He was sarcastic, but somehow honestly speaking, because Himchan thought that he was loosing his best friend over this couple of months. 

"Sorry." was all that Youngjae could say. He knew that they were becoming distant, but Himchan had forgiven him easily. Himchan always saw Youngjae as his kid, only his to cherish and protect. And Youngjae was happy to have someone to back him up no matter what the situation was. 

"That's okay, I know you were busy with your boy-toy..."

"He's not my boy-toy, Chanie,"

"I know... " Himchan laughed," but I see the way you look at him," His best friend wasn't stupid, on contrary, Himchan was one of the smartest people Youngjae has ever met, so the older soon realized what kind of feelings Youngjae developed. But, umma Himchan needed to protect his little chicken, and knowing that Daehyun wasn't gay, or haven't got out yet, was hard enough. He was trying to give Youngjae some tips and advices on how to get over the said boy, but Youngjae wasn't backing out. He needed to clarify his feelings with Daehyun, and to clarify really quick. 

Daehyun walked into the cafeteria at the same time as Himchan was trying to explain Youngjae his situation. Himchan was first to shut up, eyeing the boy in front. Youngjae was still rumbling when he turned around to see what his friend was looking at. 

But then, his mind want blank, as something around his heart clenched when the love of his life walked towards them with some girl linked on his right arm. (He was dramatic like that). He felt dizzy, as he tried to lick his overly dry mouth. His stomach dropped when Daehyun walked casually with a girl for the first time, acting as if they were together or something similar. There were whispers from the whole room, both of them could hear it but Daehyun didn't mind.

He's changed his major in the last year, going from law to medicine, but still, he became the most popular and sooth after guy. All thanks to his good looks and laid back attitude. 

"Hey, guys," Daehyun waved before giving the girl his winning smile and kiss on the forehead. The said girl blushed and waved, going after, what the boys at the table assumed were, her group of friends. 

"So, what's up?" Daehyun sat down, and Youngjae could swear that tears prickled at the corners of his eyes. The two boys were still looking shocked, like the truth bombs were just dropped on them, neither brave enough to speak. Himchan because he was on the edge to jump and strangle the boy in front, and Youngjae knew that the moment he talked, his tears would give him away. 

"What?" Daehyun was yet to talk, and soon the realization came. 

"Oh.. That was Hyuna. What do you say, huh?" he smirked, eyeing the said girl who sat at the far end of the room. 

"What?" Himchan whispered, clenching his hands under the table, his knuckles turning white. He didn't have a right to be angry at the boy, but Youngjae's feelings were still on the line.

"Yeah, we're kind of dating, I guess," He said it with such calmness, followed by shrugging of his shoulders. Youngjae couldn't look him in the eyes. There sat the man of his dreams, the man he could imagine his future with, the man that became everything for him in just couple of months, talking about his girlfriend like it's not a big deal. 

Youngjae got up, leaving speechless, and ran away to the first bathroom. The last thing he'd heard was Daehyun shouting his name. 

"Leave him alone!" Himchan looked the other straight in the eyes, trying to kill him with his look. 

"He's better off without you, anyway." he got up too, following Youngjae. Daehyun was left alone, trying to realize what happened. He cared for the younger, as he kinda grew on him, so Daehyun hoped that he would be happy to see him settling down after turning down so many girls. He stopped eating, thinking whether to go after him or not.

"Oppa, do you want to go together?" Someone interrupted his thoughts, as he sat down and finished his lunch. It was his new girlfriend and she was more than happy to spend time with him. She sat down when Daehyun nodded, but something inside of him couldn't stop thinking about the younger. He was thinking about Youngjae, not paying attention to what Hyuna was saying, as Youngjae's face came back to him. He could've sworn that he saw Youngjae's teary eyes, but eventually had to shrug it off. Youngjae wouldn't cry because of him, he was certain. 

Meanwhile at the bathroom, Youngjae was having a mental breakdown. Himchan was trying to calm him down and wipe off his tears, but Youngjae couldn't stop. He started shaking, mouthing some incoherent words. His best friend was having a hard time watching him like this, feeling like a failure because he couldn't protect him. Himchan really tried not to cry for the younger but his heart clenched at the sight. 

"Stupid Daehyunie, stupid Dae!" Youngjae was sitting on the floor, grabbing his head to stop crying. Himchan locked the door, stopping anyone from coming in, allowing Youngjae to cry away his feelings. 

"He was so nice, I really thought that we had a chance, that he looked at me the same way I saw him..." Youngjae was beat red, as Himchan tried to wipe off his tears. 

"I know baby, I know. I'm so sorry!" 

"Stupid Youngjae!" he shouted before kicking the trash can away. 

After some time, Himchan dried off Youngjae's face, putting a little bit of BB cream to hide his blush. His eyes were puffy, and lips swollen from bitting down on the bottom one harshly. He was still sobbing, trying to breathe properly. They missed one class, but neither of them minded. After Himchan thought that his friend looked presentable, they went for the next class. Youngjae screamed internally, realizing that his class is with Daehyun and without Himchan there. 

"Relax, baby, just pretend that he didn't do anything to you." Youngjae nodded before taking a deep breath and going inside. His friend remained by the door, massaging his back until he entered. First thing that Youngjae saw was Daehyun sitting at his place, with a worried face, looking him straight in the eyes. Youngjae reminded himself once again what Himchan told him and sat beside the said boy. 

"Are you alright?" Youngjae tried to ignore him, but he sensed care in his voice. He nodded, holding back his tears. Daehyun hummed, taking one of Youngjae's hands and intertwining them, placing both on top of his thigh. The younger's eyes widened, and for the first time since the class started, Youngjae looked at the other. 

But what he saw surprised him even more. Daehyun was sitting like nothing was happening, not minding his girlfriend that was waving at him, as he had the most sincere smile Youngjae has ever seen, plastered on his face. Youngjae tried to wiggle out of his hand, but Daehyun just grabbed it tightly. So after couple of seconds, he allowed them to just sit like that, enjoying in each others touch. Youngjae was burning under his touch, feeling that his hand was becoming sweaty. He could swore that the other felt it too, but didn't pull away. They shared a couple of glances, and a couple of shy smiles, before the class ended, and they went separately. 

***

Couple of weeks have passed, all the while Youngjae's tried to cope with the new situation, but every time that Hyuna would approach their friend group, Youngjae felt like crying. And Daehyun wasn't helping at all. 

But the situation changed when they sat down under oak tree, that Youngjae found in the first year when he needed some time alone. The tree was behind the college building, hiding them from the others. 

"Where is Hyuna?" Youngjae bit his tongue, not wanting to say her nickname. Daehyun shrugged, bitting down his sandwich. 

"Why don't you have lunch with her?" he asked again, trying to think of something else to talk. 

"Don't know... She annoys me, I guess," Daehyun said with such calmness that Youngjae felt shivers down his spine. 

"Oh... "

"Besides, I wanted to spend time with you." Youngjae looked at the boy beside, seeing that he was already looking at him. But soon after, he looked at his food again. 

"Me too." Daehyun grinned when the younger whispered, feeling satisfaction. 

"Are you going to the party tomorrow?" Today was Friday, and everyone was talking about the graduation party one of the seniors was throwing. Both Youngjae and Daehyun were happy to graduate, but Youngjae didn't want to go to some sorority orgy where everyone was trying to bang someone. 

"Don't know... I don't feel like going..." He was honest and Daehyun knew that this wasn't his cup of tea, so he wasn't pushing. 

"Okay, but if you change your mind, I'll see you there?" Youngjae nodded and the bell rang for their next class. They went to the different classes but Youngjae didn't miss the smirk Daehyun had right before entering his classroom. 

***

Himchan plopped on Youngjae's bed, eyeing the boy at the desk. 

"C'mon, Youngie, this is our last college party. We have to be there. Besides, I didn't skip one year to be with you for nothing," He almost screamed 'have', piercing the younger from his thoughts. Youngjae was thinking about Daehyun being at the party, dressed casually, drinking and talking their night off. And somehow that was enough to convince him. 

"Alright, I'm in. Make me beautiful Chanie." Youngjae laughed, making Himchan scream. 

"Even if it's not possible to be more beautiful than this, I'll try!" Himchan pointed to the younger, making him blush. 

"Now, go, go, to the closet," he lifted his arm, and run around the room like a superman. Youngjae chuckled because this was exactly what he needed.

They arrived at the party rather late. Almost everyone was either passed out or making out with someone. Himchan was lost in the crowd the minute they walked in, and Youngjae followed some girls to the kitchen. There, on the counter, sat him. In sinful leather pants with red button down shirt, unbuttoned to the half of his front, revealing his toned muscles. His hair was pulled back, as a red cup dangled from his plump bottom lip. 

Youngjae grabbed the first cup, not checking what was in it and gulped it down whole in one. When he realized it was vodka, it was already late. He didn't stand alcohol really well, and that one cup was was enough to make him dizzy. 

"Hey, you came." Youngjae blushed at his thoughts, as the tightness of his pants became unbearable. Daehyun had that power, after all. He nodded and allow the other to pour them another round of drinks.

"Let's go outside, it's a little bit crowded in here." Daehyun took his hand and pulled him out on the porch. They sat down at the swinging love seat, barely enough room for both of them. Youngjae could feel the heat from the other, as their thighs rubbed. 

"Why did you change your mind?" Daehyun was looking at the distance, pushing at the ground to sway them. 

"I don't know... It's the finale party, I guess it's not worth missing it." Youngjae took a chance to look at the other, admiring his beautiful face. Those eyes that looked at him like he's the only one in this world, that mole under his eye that was lifted every time he laughed, and those plump lips he wanted to try so bad. Daehyun turned around, catching Youngjae in the starring contest with himself. But before he could say anything, Youngjae blurted out

"What would you do if I told you right now that I'm in love with you?!" He was dead serious, blaming the shot of vodka from before. Daehyun's eyes widened, not knowing what to say. His legs stopped pushing, as the silence covered over them. 

"Are-are you serious?" Daehyun could hear his heart in his ears, as his palms were sweating. The realization came over Youngjae like a cold shower, waking him up. He could feel his heart beat going faster, as the boiling started in his cheeks. This was serious, and he blow up his chance with this stupid confession. But his mouth couldn't stay put, rambling his deepest thoughts. He shook his head slowly, not wanting to hear the answer from the other. 

"I'm just bored...sorry. I'll go find Himchan. I think it's time for us to go home..."

"Wait, I can take you. Beside I think I saw Himchan with some guy at the stairs," his voice cracked at the beginning, but Youngjae shrugged it off. 

"No, I can go by myself, you just go to your girlfriend." Youngjae didn't want to sound bitter, but didn't apologize. He turned around, leaving the other still at the bench. He saw that the older tried to follow him to make sure that he got home safely, but failed to see the frown Daehyun had when the younger left him alone.


	2. Chapter 02.

The past few months went by without either of them talking about the party. Youngjae was avoiding the older like he was plague, and Daehyun was dumbfounded whenever the younger spoke, even when he didn't talk to him, but rather in his company. 

Because something inside of Youngjae broke that night. It was hard for him to look the other straight in the eyes, worried that his tongue was going to slip again. His feelings were still there, stronger than ever and he cursed himself every day for that. 

Every time the other smiled, his eyes smiling wider, showing the row of perfectly white pearls, Youngjae was speechless. He caught himself staring at the perfection that Daehyun was, a couple of times, thinking that the other didn't see it. 

The older was suffering inside, but always with a wide grin plastered on his face. He was confused, to say at least, thinking over and over his feelings for the other. He saw the younger only as his friend, not changing his mind even after the other's sloppy confession. 

Daehyun giggled after that night thinking how the younger was too cute for the words. But, even though his mind didn't change, his heart was thumping loudly, trying to jump out of his ribcage, whenever the younger appeared in his sight. Daehyun needed a couple of seconds with his eyes closed to calm his overly-hyped heart. He was confused, but as the girls in his school started to wear shorts since the summer was close, he shrugged off the confusion. 

Youngjae was once again left with his only friend, known to the mankind as the best one to pick up the pieces that Youngjae's heart left behind - Kim Himchan. 

"How are you today?" Himchan called the other, waking Youngjae from his slumber in the afternoon. Youngjae groaned, answering with his eyes still closed. A familiar voice beamed through the speaker as Youngjae adjusted to the darkness that was falling outside. 

"I'm fine," he whispered, feeling his stomach growling. He didn't have anything to eat the whole day, since it was Saturday, and he didn't think it was a good idea to get out of his warm and human-less bed. 

He checked the alarm clock beside his bed, groaning since he had four more hours before having to go with Himchan through yet another date, being the third wheel. His best friend liked to have his options opened, since he used to go out on blind dates. Youngjae would sit down at the table beside the couple that consisted of his best friend and some happy guy who finally took out the famous heart-breaker Kim Himchan. 

And that famous boy with 'I don't need anybody, I have you, but I can't use you for sex' line would give some kind of sign to Youngjae, that said 'get me out of here' they'd thought of about before the date. The younger would come by them and pretend he was Himchan's boyfriend. And the diva would plead a thousand of 'I'm sorry's before storming out with his 'boyfriend'. But they would just go to another restaurant, known as their favorite ice-cream parlor, where Himchan would showered the younger with many coups of ice cream as he wanted, gifting him for a job well done. 

"I don't think I can go out tonight..." Youngjae could hear his friend sighing at his own words, at the other line, waiting for some form of question from the younger. 

"Why? You were happy with this one date, though." Himchan hummed as Youngjae continued.

"You even said that this one could be the one, based on his skills on the basketball field.."

"It's basketball court, and yeah, he could be the one..." Himchan sighed once again, before remembering this particular guy, who asked him out out of the blue. 

"Kris could be the one, he's tall, with broad shoulders, and a pair of cute buttocks. And don't let me start about his manhood, that I caught a glimpse of through his shorts..." before Himchan could finish his drooling, Youngjae intervened, couching rather loudly. 

"Okay, Jae, I'm not gonna try to corrupt your perfect little mind..." Youngjae giggled at his friend, because no matter how much the diva and somehow a slut, as the older would say, Himchan was, he always looked after him. 'The world is easier for people like me.For we have some kind of freedom to experience different things, and if being sexually awaken at the normal age for that is called being a slut, so be it' the older would say as the people gave them a stinky eye. 

"So I was saying, I don't want to go out with the perfect-sex-god Kris, because my friend needs me." Youngjae could hear the serenity in the others voice, even though the older was fangirling the whole week about his, now canceled date. 

"I'm fine, you don't need to babysit me, I'll just watch some drama on TV... "

"No, no, you need me, because it's Saturday, and you can't be alone on Saturday, because you know what happened the last time," It was a rhetorical question, but Youngjae hummed still. 

He remembered that particular Saturday evening, when Himchan went out to some party one of his so called groupies thrown. Because, let's face it, Kim Himchan was a diva with an attitude, needing his own fan club to support his awesomeness. Youngjae was, of course, not invited to the get together, so Himchan wanted to take him along, as his plus one. And the younger, being the innocent goody two shoes, didn't want to interfere with any of the people at the party, scared that he's gonna make somebody really pissed off for being there. 

So, eventually, Himchan went with some friends, and Youngjae was left alone to cry and mop around his house. He spent the entire day buried within his blankets, occupying his mind with some kind of yaoi manga he kept under his bed. And in the evening he decided to watch some drama on TV, with a gallon worth of ice cream in his lap. So, he drown his sadness in the sweet, cold treat, like his heart was for the particular brown eyed boy, that goes by the name Daehyun, and ended up with a bad stomach on top of the broken heart. 

"So, to not repeat that, I'm gonna take you out tonight, to make you feel good!" Himchan spoke, breaking him out of his daze. Youngjae hummed like some kind of habit with the other, but soon realized what he had agreed to. 

"I don't want to go out, I'm perfectly fine in my own house," Youngjae jumped on the bed, feeling his stomach twisting into a knot. 

"No, no, you're coming with me, and we are gonna find you a nice man. Not like that sleazy ball Daehyun." Youngjae sighed for an nth time, counting the stars on his ceiling, that his mother glued on when he was ten years old. But, Himchan's words got him to thinking that maybe, just maybe, this was not a bad idea. He could go out just to have fun with his best friend or he can, in the best case scenario, find someone to look at him in the way he saw Daehyun. 

"Okay, I'm going but..." but before he could finish, Himchan started screaming that he is going to be at Youngjae's house in about half an hour, before he ended the call. Youngjae decided that he was done feeling heartbroken, so he took some time to convince himself that it's okay to have your own life, going to parties, and drinking, which he was sure his friend was going to make him do tonight. 

Youngjae was in shower when his overly excited friend came rushing to his room, almost knocking down Youngjae's mom in the process. The younger was coming out of his bathroom, with nothing but the towel around his waist, finding his best friend spread on the king sized bed at the center of his room. 

"When did you come in?" Youngjae tried to cover his baby fat with some shirt that was dropped casually on the chair by his bed, and made Himchan giggle like a little girl. 

"Relax, I've seen it all, you have a nice body," Youngjae shrugged at his words, blushing like crazy, because no one has ever seen him without his clothes on, beside Himchan, who didn't mind that Youngjae was a little bit full around the waist. But, Himchan knew how much the younger hated that baby fat, as it seemed that all the food he ate went directly to his waist and cheeks, which the older liked to squeeze. 

"So, where are we going?" Youngjae asked with concern in his voice, bringing back the dazed Himchan who was rummaging through his closet.

"I don't know, I was invited to this club opening downtown, and it seems cool enough for us to go." Himchan sighed, seeing that his friend still owned just sweats and sweaters. 

"Well, you're invited, you're cool enough to go there, and I'm just like a big potato that you drag around..." Youngjae came back from the bathroom dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of black briefs. 

"Jae, don't think so low about yourself, you know that I love you and that I will do whatever to whomever that have the decency to even lay a finger on you or your perfect little mind," Himchan was serious for the first time since Youngjae could remember and something inside of him bloomed, as he was reminded what kind of friend he has.

"Okay, so what should I wear?" Youngjae asked with the biggest smile he could squeeze out, and he could see that those words triggered the diva Himchan had inside. The older quickly ran to his bag, that he dropped by the bed, knocking the lamp off the younger desk. He pulled out some kind of white shirt with big black letters that said 'MONEY RAIN', and Youngjae face-palmed rather loudly. 

Soon after, both of them were dressed and with large portion of makeup on their faces, courtesy of the older. Youngjae had that famous shirt, with a blue tight jeans and a black cardigan, that Youngjae pleaded for to hide that monstrosity of a shirt, and Himchan was dresses like sin in a black dress pants, that showed his delicious behind, as he said it himself, topped with a v-neck shirt that barely covered his collar bones. They bid their goodbyes to Youngjae's mom, and went out to Himchan's car that was parked right in front of the younger's house. 

After the bumpy ride, since the older had to change the radio station every once in awhile, they arrived at the crime scene. Well, the younger thought that, since everybody was either dancing like being on drugs, or drinking by the bar with a smug look on their faces. Himchan had a VIP invitation, and Youngjae entered as his plus one. They were soon in the middle of the dance floor, with Himchan screaming at the top of his lungs, since his song was on, and Youngjae was screaming too, but internally, making his way to the bathroom. He checked his face in the mirror, that was seriously pale with all the make-up on, wetting the towel beside to cool his neck and chest down. 

Somebody coughed behind him, making him turn around. There stood a man about Himchan's height, with gelled up hair and a smirk on his face. He approached Youngjae slowly, backing him up to the stalls. 

"You come here often, sweetie," Youngjae could smell the musk perfume with some kind of hard liquor of his tongue. He was not amused by this man, as he tried to push him away. But the taller guy just came closer, showing their crotches together. 

"Now, now, you don't have to be like this, I'm gonna be nice to you," Youngjae felt the cold sweat down his back, as he could feel that the other guy was aroused, pushing his hard member down on Youngjae's pants. 

"Please, I don't want to have anything with you." Youngjae finally found some kind of courage to speak, seeing that all the man around didn't give a fuck that he was cornered. 

"I'm gonna be good to you, I can make you feel good," the stranger leaned down, ghosting above Youngjaes face, dangerously close to his mouth. Youngjae tried to turn away his head, but firm grab on his chin stopped him. The stranger placed his hand on the younger's waist, the other one beside his head on the door of the stall. 

"Can't you feel what you do to me, with those plump lips, and big wide eyes," he started to glide his hands up and down Youngjae's torso, massaging his nipple with a thumb. 

"Pl-please, I don't want this, get off!" Youngjae tried once again to push him away, but the stranger didn't move. The taller one was coming closer, their lips barely touching as Youngjae closed his eyes, not baring to get this through. He was done, he knew that if the other guy wanted to rape him, right here, in front of the whole club, he could, because everyone was either too drunk or too high to stop him. And he was much bigger that Youngjae, so he couldn't push him away. He wished that Himchan was near. 

But just as their lips brushed, somebody pulled the other guy off of him, leaving the trembling Youngjae to stand there with his eyes closed. 

"Didn't he say that he doesn't want anything with you?" Youngjae opened up his eyes, after the first punch screamed through the room, seeing the last person on planet that he wanted to see. 

There, just in front of him, stood Daehyun with all of his glory, throwing punches at the stranger, marking his cheeks with bruises. Youngjae's breath hitched, seeing that his knight in shinning armor was the guy who Youngjae wished to call 'mine'. The stranger was quick on his feet, running away from the scene, holding his swollen cheek. The younger was still in a daze, as Daehyun approached him with unsteady breathing, closing the distance between them. 

"Are you OK, Jae?" but before the younger could answer, Daehyun hugged him, squeezing hard. Youngjae could smell the perfection that the other was, as the older's perfume mixed with a sweet shampoo covered his senses. 

"What-what are you doing here?" Youngjae leaned in a hug, allowing his body to cling on the other, as his eyes closed by the sensation. 

"I was here with some friends, and I think that my bladder chose the right time to awake," Daehyun chuckled, still hugging him, but with his head buried in Youngjae's neck. Youngjae could feel small puffs as the other spoke, and that was enough to push his mind to the edge. Youngjae was first to pull away, not finding any words, as their eyes met. Daehyun had a small smile and pleasing eyes, that Youngjae could get lost in. And that's what he did when those brown orbs looked into his soul, as Youngjae thought. Daehyun waved his hand in front of the other, with small chuckling that followed. 

"Are you OK?" Youngjae nodded, dropping his hands from the older's shoulders. He pointed to the door, as Daehyun took his hand and brought him back to the crowded club. They sat at the bar, and both of them saw Himchan grinding with some guy on the dance floor. 

"Why don't you go there too, maybe you can find someone to like..." Daehyun got lost when the younger looked him with the pleading eyes, pouring his emotions into the look. Those brown eyes that pierced his soul made Daehyun turn away his gaze back to the people dancing like nobody sees them. 

"Where are your friends?" Youngjae shouted, trying to overcome the blasting music. Daehyun leaned down, as Youngjae could feel his breath on his neck. He shuddered under the ghosting over his sensitive spot, keeping an eye on the older's lips. 

"What?" Youngjae repeated, barely listening once again. 

"I said..." Daehyun locked their eyes, ghosting over the younger's lips "They left a little a while ago, and I stayed because I needed to go to the bathroom," Daehyun licked his lips, their breathes melting together. Youngjae eyed the older's lips, as Daehyun unconsciously looked at the younger's. With just a few inches apart, Youngjae was first to pull away, trying to breathe properly. 'Stupid, Jae, so close' Youngjae thought as Daehyun coughed embarrassed. Even his big nose looked cute from that distance, and those big, full lips... Youngjae could feel his blushing cheeks overbearing him. 

"Hey, why don't we go for a walk?" The elder asked, and Youngjae nodded without even looking at him. They exited the club, with a full line of people that waited to get in. Youngjae typed a message to Himchan, saying that he's going home with Daehyun, and soon after that, he needed to type a few more explaining the situation, because Himchan understood that his best friend is going to get lucky tonight. With a sigh, he pocketed his phone away, and turned to his crush, no, the love of his life beside. Pathetic, he knows. 

"So, how are you? What brought you here tonight?" Daehyun asked with a concern in his voice as Youngjae could feel the distance between them. The younger saw what the other was wearing for the first time tonight. He took a minute or two to drool over the perfection in blue jeans, and black wife-beater that was underneath the black leather jacket. 

"Umm..." Youngjae cleared his throat, seeing stars in his eyes. He's gonna faint for sure, and Daehyun's arm on his back, guiding him through the busy street was not helping. 

"I was here with Himchan, as he was invited, so I kinda tagged along.." Youngjae shrugged the hand off, but Daehyun didn't catch the change in his behavior. 

"Did you come tonight to hook up with someone?" Daehyun asked more like a whisper, making the younger giggle at his words. Youngjae shook his head, as Daehyun wide smile found a way to his lips once again. 

"Are we good now?" Youngjae stopped in his track at the others words, fighting the tears away. Daehyun turned around when he sensed that he was alone, seeing his friend trembling. 

"Yes..." Youngjae whispered, as the other approached him, drawing comforting circles on his back. 

"Are you cold? You can have my jacket.." Daehyun took off his black leather, trying to put it on the younger, but Youngjae turned around and started walking with a shallow 'no'. The older was soon after him, walking beside, both of them eying the concrete in front. 

"I'm sorry..." Daehyun finally broke the silence, making Youngjae stand still once again, feeling his heart clenching in his chest. 

"For what?" Daehyun was dumbfounded at the younger words, scratching the back of his head. 

Youngjae could see that the older just wanted to please him, to make him feel good, but just as his hopes were raised, they broke down again, kicking his already beaten heart. He could feel his jaw tighten as his teeth showed together. 

Youngjae couldn't wait any longer for a miracle to happen. The boy in front didn't do anything good to him, beside reminding him that he's able to love, not being the empty shell that Youngjae used to describe himself. His heart beaten faster whenever there was a talk about the older, and it was ready to jump out of his chest when Daehyun appeared in front of him. 

His mind was clouded with the thoughts of Daehyun, repeating the different scenarios that will never happen. But, for the younger his daydreaming was the last bead that kept him alive, that sited him at the end of the chair ready to dive in in whatever the older wanted, the last thread that still screamed that he had a chance, that everything is gonna fall in its place. Daehyun was everything for him, but Youngjae didn't feel so special in the other;s eyes, as Daehyun answered his phone instead of answering him. 

"Hani, yes, hi, no, I'm with Youngjae. Yeah, see you tomorrow," Youngjae brushed away the tears that threaten to fall with the back of his sleeve. Daehyun pocketed his phone, eying the boy in front. Everything collapsed for the younger when he asked the final question. 

"W-who is Hani?"

"She's a friend of mine..." Daehyun started out slowly, his eyes never leaving the other's, keeping his breathing in check. If you asked him why in the world was he so afraid of the other's reaction, he didn't know. He couldn't explain, but something in him didn't want to break Youngjae apart, even though the younger didn't say anything to make them more than just friends. But somehow he did actually, and Daehyun was well aware of that. 

"She's my girlfriend, actually..." The older could feel the bitter taste on his tongue, as those words left his mouth. He swallowed thickly, his heart beating out of his ribcage. Youngjae looked him right in the eyes, allowing the tears to fall down his cheeks freely. Daehyun brought his hand up to wipe them, but Youngjae slapped his hand away. 

"I don't know anymore... I can't see you the way I used to..." Daehyun could feel the lump in his throat at the younger's words. He could literally see Youngjae breaking down in front of him. But he chose to stay silent. 

"Can't you see what you do to me?! Can't you fucking figure out what you do to me every day, strolling the halls with that beautiful fucking smile on your face, like you know that you're breaking a heart into a million pieces, but choosing not to care about that.." Youngjae couldn't stop now, he needed to get his words out there for the older to hear. And when he wasn't stopped, he continued. 

"And now, now you're saying that you have a girlfriend, a fucking girlfriend, and you say it so casually that it makes my stomach sick!" Youngjae's face was covered with bitter tears, as his whole body trembled. His hands were tight, knuckles turning white. 

"Jae... "

"Don't you Jae to me." Youngjae took one last deep breath, calming his heartbeat for what's coming. He was prepared, his body shaking at alarming pace to not say anything. But his mind was set. He needed this, he needed to release those words out, to make him feel better. But he was delusional. 

"I'm in love with you Daehyun!" Youngjae whispered, keeping an eye on the concrete. Daehyun's breath hitched. 

He could sense what the other was going for, but the exact words shook him to the core. He did care for the younger but just how much. Sure, his heart beaten harder whenever Youngjae smiled or said something funny, but his mind couldn't agree. Being attracted to the same gender was unacceptable, and even being in love with a guy was something Daehyun couldn't agree to. 

He was taught his whole life that he was going to find a nice women, marry her and have kids. That was something that Daehyun wanted, or was that something the society planted in his mind as the only acceptable thing to do. 

He doubted his heart when it skipped a beat at the younger's words. He needed someone to say that it's okay to be different, to be who you really are. But he was alone. He needed to be taken care of. And the boy in front was gulping down his tears, looking him right in the eyes. 

Daehyun finally admitted that the younger was beautiful. That Youngjae had that special positive energy that made you feel good. And Daehyun could sense how he suffered being openly gay, ready to take a stand for his feelings. Youngjae was a friend in his eyes, but his heart couldn't agree. He though about his father, the big bad CEO of the biggest company in Korea, finding him like the excuse to keep his heartbeat down, feeling like a disappointment. His heart was saying one thing, but his mind was louder. 

"I'm sorry, but I don't see you that way..." Daehyun squeezed out, feeling his heart clenching at his words, that left his mind dry. Youngjae suddenly stopped breathing, taking a moment to suck those words in. The younger didn't care anymore, the love of his life broke down every little piece of his heart that was dangling. 

His mind went fuzzy, as he remembered the day when he first saw the older. He suddenly started laughing out loud, startling Daehyun. The older just stood there with wide eyes and uneven breathing. 

"Was that hard to say?" Daehyun couldn't comprehend what the younger asked, standing there dumbfounded. Youngjae felt like his skin was burning, as his lungs filled up with cold air. He felt like crying, like breaking everything up that he could find, starting with Daehyun's jaw, but his mind was laughing. Laughing at how stupid Youngjae was, laughing at the pain that went numb, laughing at the stupid little Youngjae with his stupid little hopes. 

Without any words, Youngjae turned around and left the shouting Daehyun behind. This was it, this was his first confession, his first broken heart, his last resort that Daehyun was. He left the place with no hurry, just walking back to his home, with cold air glazing his face. He felt calm enough to make his jiggly legs to move, but as soon as he closed the door to his house and then to his room, Youngjae slided down, absorbing the cold floor in. He cried that night like he never cried before, seeing the Sun rising even and with that— a new man within him. 


	3. Chapter 03.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Himchan's story, just fyi :)

A few years have passed since the end of University. Himchan was planing yet another fashion show, with his team that consisted of small number of people. He was their boss, in some kind of way, because he was the one who started this company, and stayed back when his partner Seungkwan left for Italy to study more, and improve himself. So he was alone, with his team, working over-hours, to make this show successful as the last three were.

Himchan was happy with his life. 

He was still best friend with Youngjae, and that was enough to make Himchan happy, since they were roommates by now, enduring each others tantrums even now. 

Himchan was also single, going back and forth with his failed relationships. He wanted a nice man, with a good heart and a nice wallet. Himchan wasn't a gold digger, on contrary, because he made more than enough for him and even Youngjae when the younger needed to lend some money, but he wanted a man who can take care of himself first. He had a chance to meet couple of guys who didn't have enough for themselves, always taking Himchan's money, and then breaking up with him. So he was fed up, wanting a man who can be there just for him, not for his money. He still day-dreamed about finding that one, special guy, who could embrace him in his strong arms, hiding him from the cruel word.

Himchan had to experience the said world all by himself, when his mother was sick. He was there for her, taking his final year of college, working at some bar to provide for them. His mother didn't know that, so he only talked about his late night shifts to Youngjae who promised to keep it a secret. And he was happy that he could pay for his studies without asking for money from his mother, who already had been spending a big amount on her medications. He was working through yet another midnight shift, when some guys barged in, and stole all of his money that he hid in his backpack. The one of the guys even tried to touch him, but thankfully Himchan used to take classes of self-defense, on his mother's persuasions. So they left the bar with his money and one black eye, leaving the terrified and beaten up Himchan alone behind the bar.

But, thankfully, his mother was better after that, making sure to go back to her job after couple of months that she had spent between going to the hospital and lying in her house. Himchan quit that monstrosity of his job, focusing on his college instead. 

Everything that happened at the final year of their studies, Himchan tried to cover up. He didn't say a word about being robed to Youngjae, and went out whenever possible, because the pressure was too much for him. Youngjae knew about his mother being ill, but he didn't think it was something serious, as Himchan told him just that. So he enjoyed being away from his problems, drowning his sadness in another drink or a guy, whatever was easier to get.

He was happy, at least he showed that to everybody around him, including his best friend. But deep inside he had had enough of cheating boyfriends, friends, read: fans, who didn't allowed him to be himself, and he had enough of his studies, wanting to try more, to experience more. 

But he was in a small town, wanting to get out. Not away from the people, but from himself. His father left him when he was little, and Himchan always thought that he was the problem. His mother was always there for him. But always means that she was there for him when he reached out for her help. As thought, the best years of ones life were the college ones, and that you should;v been happy at that time, but it was different for him.

So, when he said that he needed a shelter in someone's embrace, he didn't mean it literally. He just needed someone to come back to, someone who can erase all of the problems with just one kiss. Someone who could understand all of his outbursts, all of his 'leave me alone' times. Just a guy who could be everything for a soul like him.

And Himchan was sure he'd find him, wherever possible.

***

He entered their shared apartment, late in the evening, seeing that Youngjae was already buried into the blankets on the sofa in the living room. He sighed, before picking up his friend bridal style and taking him into his room. Youngjae lost a lot of weight during the years, making Himchan worried. But the younger always said that he wanted that for himself, and that his job as a journalist was just that - exhausting and trilling. So he shrugged it off, dealing with his demons on his own.

Himchan didn't know about the crucial night that happened in Youngjae's life. When the younger refused to talk about what happened between him and Daehyun, Himchan understood. And when he tried to get an explanation from Youngjae about why his friendship with his long-time crush suddenly collapsed, he got hit with a big, wide wall that Youngjae's emotions were. They settled some story about Youngjae erasing his crush out of his life to get over him, as Himchan swallowed it up with a lump, and left it with that ever since.

He placed the younger on his bed, putting the covers on. He turned off the lights, watching his friend stirring in his sleep, before turning away and going to his room. Youngjae was sleeping with the door of his room opened, because apparently, Youngjae used to bump on the walls on his way to the bathroom, so it was easier this way. But Himchan knew that he was dealing with his demons too. Everyone was a little bit broken, right?

He pealed his clothes off before taking a quick shower. He could feel his muscles relaxing at the touch of the hot water that his skin absorbed. He dried his slim body and almost fell asleep on his way to the pillows. He was exhausted, trying to go over his plan for tomorrow. His show was in a month, and everything needed to be perfect. He wasn't mad at his partner, because he knew that Seungkwan was still young, with a lot to learn. So he was happy when the younger told him his plan, already with the packed suitcase. If only he had a chance like that...

Himchan woke up before his alarm clock, trying to steal a couple more minutes before the annoying thing ranged. He stretched his arms, yawning on his way to the bathroom. After a quick shower and an early breakfast that consisted only of one toast and a glass of milk, he was on his way to the company. 

The designer worked at a large building, where he successfully bought a whole floor for his team and him. 

His team consisted of Kibum, that was perfect in all those little details he failed to see, being in charge as his assistant; Jin, the third in charge who was good with colors and patterns; Baekhyun, who was in charge with public relationships, with good sense of style and communication, beside being their make-up guru; Jaehyo, the oldest after him, who had a talent for organization in both shows and different pieces and outfits; and Hansol, the youngest one with a good sense of fashion, and who was also their trainee, somebody who was still learning. The youngest practically was there to get everyone a cup of coffee, or to use as a needle pillow. He loved all of them, even the noonas that were there only at the shows for the make-up and hairstyles, since they were all bringing something to their little, successful team.

"Himchan, I need to talk to you urgently." Kibum startled him with full hands of patterns as Himchan walked from the elevator on their floor. The older nodded, walking to his office down at the hall.

"The director of the venue called, he wants to know what is the exact time of the show," Baekhyun peeped from his office, just as Himchan walked by.

"I need an hour alone without people interfering with my job," Stressed Jin walked with him, pulling onto his arm, throwing daggers with his eyes at the youngest of them all. Jin was followed by Hansol who kept his mouth shut, admiring his idol.

"Guys, guys, I will speak with you one by one, but just let me have my morning coffee first." Himchan turned around before closing the door to his office. He could hear the chatter in front of his office, as everyone gathered around, fighting about who was going in first. He sighed as he poured himself a hot glass of coffee, courtesy of Hansol, before sitting down at his desk. There were papers thrown all around, covering the whole surface, as he put the coffee down, not minding that it was staining some of the documents. He turned around in his chair, admiring the view, shutting down the voices from outside. This was his life now, and he couldn't be happier. He sighed once again, before calling someone to come in first, without choosing his favorite.

Kibum entered first since he was his deputy, taking a seat in front of the boss.

"I need to order more of these..." Kibum pointed to the colors and shapes on the material in his hands, before finishing, "...because, there is not enough, and this is the wrong color for the show, and I can't find the right one among out stash, and I'm freaking out because there is not enough time, and..." Himchan stopped the rumbling colleague, confirming the order, as Kibum left the office with the small smile on his face. Jin was next who complained that Hansol was all over the place, not allowing him to work, and he needed to get this done, because his boyfriend wasn't happy that he was working over-hours. After Himchan talked to both Hansol and Jin, they left the office, at least one of them happy. Baekhyun just asked for the time, and to pay for some shippings, and Jaehyo was the only one who came in to ask the boss how was he doing.

"I'm fine...I think..." Himchan finished, rather happy that somebody was calm in this goddammit burning building.

"Well, I'm still not freaking out, but I think I will start in about two weeks, so I'm good," Jaehyo assured with a big smile, crossing his legs.

"I think that you need to go out tonight, you look pale, to be honest." Himchan chuckled at the other's suggestion, but considered it.

"Maybe you're right. I've been over-working for the past couple of months. I need a break!" Himchan stood up like some kind of superhero that just saved the world, making Jaehyo laugh out loud.

"Ok, boss, just don't be so over-dramatic!" Himchan sat down once again, before showing him the door. He was left alone, finally, thinking about where to go tonight. An idea popped in his mind, as he remembered that his friend Jongup opened up a bar just few blocks away from his flat.

His day went by just fine, if we exclude the furious Jin who had thrown out Hansol from his office, and Kibum with his long pauses, talking forever to his boyfriend Jonghyun over the phone, and Jaehyo who cut his own finger trying to patch some fabrics. 

Himchan bid goodbyes to everyone, walking down to his car, glad to leave already. He was in his apartment after just a ten-minutes ride, finding it empty, since Youngjae called to say that he was on some conference, trying to collect some material for an article he was writing.

So he took a long shower, sorting his thoughts. The preparation for the fashion show was fully on blast, making everyone work harder than before. He was happy with the chosen collection, the colors were bright with just a hint of earth tones since it was spring. 

His life was okay by now, as he and his mother talked regularly. She found herself a man, somebody named Jay Young Park, who Himchan hasn't met yet, but was planning to throughout the next week. 

He dried himself with a towel, walking back to his closet. To say that designers had a lot of clothes, was an understatement since Himchan couldn't choose from all the clothes that started to form piles even around his bed. He decided to go with the casual combination, since he was sure that he wasn't going to meet anyone tonight. A black jeans that showed his curves nicely, a white button down that he left opened to the half of it, and a black jacket with the red convers to top it all.

He took his keys and phone and left a message for his roommate about where he was. Himchan walked to the club, since he was low on gas and too lazy to fill the tank up. And besides, this outfit was too damn drop dead gorgeous to hide. So he was at the bar, after a fifteen minutes walk, moving to the bar where his friend Jongup worked. 

He wasn't alone, as there stood a tall guy too, taller than both of them, serving the guests.

"Himchan, hey man, how've you been?" Jongup hugged him from behind the bar, as Himchan even earned a death glare from the tall guy, besides the smile from his friend.

"Good, good, I wanted to get away from everything, this next show is draining me! Serve me something strong, please!" Himchan showed his winner smile, as the guy beside Jongup sighed.

"Sure thing.. Oh, want you to meet someone.." Jongup beamed loudly, and nudged the boy beside.

"I'm Junhong, but you can call me Zelo," the tall guy - Zelo introduced himself as Himchan shook his hand, repeating his own name.

"This is my boyfriend!" Jongup hugged the said boy, making him blush. Himchan chuckled a little bit embarrassed since Jongup was a lot smaller than his boyfriend, and it kinda looked like a kid hugging his father. But Himchan congratulated the happy couple, as they shared a chaste kiss in front of everyone.

"Hey, guys, you're not alone." Himchan coughed, fake embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't keep my hands off of him," Jongup released Zelo, but slapped him on his firm ass, making Zelo whimper before turning around to serve some new customers, totally blushing. Himchan laughed wholeheartedly on the scene, feeling a tightness around his heart. He was afraid of what's coming next, knowing his friend. 

"When are we going to find you a nice man?" Himchan sighed at the question, gulping down his scotch in one go. Jongup dried some glasses with the cloth, never keeping an eye off his boyfriend for too long.

"I don't know... I mean I want to find someone who can appreciate all of this..." Himchan swept a hand all over his body, clearly joking before switching to being serious. 

"But, I don't think that's an easy thing to do..." Jongup placed the used bottles on the shelf behind him, speaking again.

"Don't be hard on yourself, because a right guy will appear when you least expect it." Himchan nodded ordering another drink.

"Enough about my pathetic life, tell me about you two." Himchan pointed to Zelo then at Jongup, as the widest smile found its way to Jongup's face.

"We met at the park, where I was gluing 'we need a waiter' sing at some trees, as he walked by in search for a job. Funny I know," Jongup chuckled at his memories, smiling to his boyfriend. Zelo showed his gummy smile, before turning away to serve another customer. Himchan beamed happy because he knew how much trouble Jongup has gone through with opening this bar, and his family when he came out as bisexual. He raised his glass, toasting to their relationship, before taking a sip. 

"I'm glad you're happy, finally!" Himchan yelled since the music was on full blast, making Jongup chuckle. Jongup nodded before turning to some customers. Himchan eyed the bar, feeling satisfied since it was full, and gulped down the rest of his drink. There were people dancing all around, too absorbed into the music. He sighed before turning away to face his friend, who was sucking on his boyfriend's face. Himchan faked a disgusted face, sensing someone was tapping on his shoulder. 

"Can I buy you a drink?" There beside him stood a man, a lot older than him, with already formed wrinkles around his eyes and lips. Himchan waved his hand for a 'no', but the guy was persistent. 

"Come on, sweetie, a drink can't hurt you," The said man sat down beside him, putting his arm around Himchans waist not so subtly. 

"I sad no, thank you!" Himchan spoke, yelling because of the loud music. But it seemed like he was pissed, and man was getting mad.

"Why are you stubborn? Do you think that you're too good for me?" The man squeezed his shirt, bringing him closer. Himchan felt disgusted as he almost fell down on the man's shirt, sensing the oozing sweat and cigars from his body. Somebody pulled the said man's hand off of him, pulling the older to sit up by clutching at his shirt.

"He doesn't want anything to do with you." Himchan turned around to face his savior, his jaw dropping at the sight. There stood a man, about his height, with flexed muscles that were visible since the dark-haired guy wore a black wife-beater. Himchan gulped, his eyes not moving from the gorgeous man. His intruder, visibly angry, took of the other's hand from his shirt, before standing up and walking away, throwing daggers with his eyes to both of them. 

The hot guy sat down on his chair, looking directly into the Himchan's eyes. Himchan had to take a moment to relax his heartbeat that was trying to jump out of his chest, before turning to face the said guy.

"I don't need saving, I can take care of myself!" He didn't want to sound so rude, but it came out like that. The other guy showed his gummy smile, ordering himself another drink

"Don't you need to thank me or something like that in such a situation?" The other guy finally spoke, emphasizing the word 'that'. Himchan fake laughed, before ordering another drink. He wanted for this guy to take the hint to leave him alone, but he was still intensely staring at him. 

"I'm Youngguk, by the way." The guy spoke again, leaning closer to Himchan so he could be heard. Himchan could sense the other's breath on his neck, that send shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes at the sensation, since he hasn't felt like this in ages, and the hotness of this guy - Yongguk didn't help. 

"I don't care." Himchan tried to be stubborn again, speaking only for Yongguk to hear him. Jongup was eying the two guys that were talking in rather embarrassed pose with Himchan sitting straight like an arrow, and Yongguk leaning closer, trying to get his attention. Yongguk laughed wholeheartedly, sensing that the other was a tough cookie. 

"Well, I guess you didn't want to talk with the guy before because he was much older for you and not so good looking," Himchan finally looked at him, and immediately regretted because Yongguk's dark orbs stared into his soul. 

"But, let's face it, you would want to deal with this..." Yongguk moved his hand from his strong chest, that made Himchan whine in his mind, to his thighs, that were constricted in his black pants. 

"And why would I? Are you that good looking?" Himchan found his voice, trying to sound cool as much as possible, but he already knew the answer. He could feel it in his pants. 

"Well, duh, have you seen me?" Yongguk joked standing up, twirling like a girl to show his body, and Himchan could swear that he was getting hard just by looking at the other. 

"Meh, I'm not amused," Yongguk laughed again at the others words, sitting down. He was silent, just absorbing the black-haired man, who couldn't look him in the eyes. Yongguk wasn't taking his smile from Himchan, finding him interesting. 

Truth be told, Yongguk was just passing by when he over-heard the talk between two guys, where one was trying too hard and the other wasn't convincing enough. So, as a good man he was, he jumped in to help the younger guy, not wanting to get involved any longer. But as Himchan looked at him, Yongguk could swear that his heart skipped a beat, wanting to at least know his name. And when Himchan acted all cool and distant, Yongguk was already too deep to back out. Himchan amused him. And he wanted more. Needed more.

"Can I at least get your name? Then I will be out of your sight." Yongguk smirked at his own words, knowing that the guy will melt when he tried to be hard to get. Himchan stiffened at the said words, but knew better.

"Whatever, I'm Himchan." He finally turned around to face his savior, looking directly into his eyes. Yongguk jumped a little bit in his seat, collecting his thoughts.

"You're really beautiful!" Yongguk face-palmed rather loudly because his tongue was quicker than his mind, making Himchan blush. 

"I know!" Himchan turned away, smiling a little bit, but trying to keep his diva attitude. 

"Can I buy you a drink?" Yongguk tried to sound like he meant to say that, with a purpose, and to cover his rumbling mouth. He was preparing himself for a rejection, like Himchan turned down the guy before, but Himchan's answer surprised him.

"Sure, why not," Himchan lowered his head, ignoring the giggling Jongup who couldn't help but listen to his friend and a trying-to-flirt guy. Yongguk ordered himself another beer and a scotch for Himchan, suddenly feeling nervous. 

"So...Um..." They both started, stealing glances at each other, both blushing like crazy. 'Keep it together, man' Yongguk repeated in his head, trying to find some coherent words. 'You're way hotter, Himchan, just be cool' Himchan said to himself, but another voice in his head corrected him 'Yeah, right, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY??' Himchan turned around to steal a look of the guy beside, his throat caught his breath. 

Yongguk was really beautiful, with dark orbs, that shined even in the darkness of the club, his plump lips stretched in a kissable way, showing his gummy smile. And his cheeks were tinted with light pink, even. Himchan's mouth feel agape, earning a cough from Jongup behind the bar.

"Yongguk-hyung," Zelo peeped in, trying to fist bump the said boy, from his spot, as Jongup's smile vanished. 

"Zelo-ah, how have you been? It's good to see you working," Yongguk switched his attention from Himchan to Junhong, and something inside Himchan felt jealous, but he shrugged it off. 

"Good, I found this job accidentally, and I couldn't be happier." Zelo smiled widely, still not introducing his boyfriend, who was boiling lava by now. Jongup coughed, gaining Zelo's attention. 

"Oh, yes, sorry," Zelo smiled apologetically to Jongup, who hugged him from the side. 

"This is my boyfriend, Jongup!" Yongguk shook his hand, still not looking at Himchan, who cleared his throat. But once again failed to get Yongguk's attention. The oldest of them all, laughed mentally, because he could sense that Himchan was pissed off, but decided to enjoy this a little bit longer. 'You're mine, baby', he thought, blushing at his on dirty mind. Yongguk cleared his throat, before speaking

"So, how are you? Is your mother fine?" Zelo nodded at the older's words, hugging his boyfriend. 

"She is fine, thanks. She asks about you all the time, wanting for you to stop by sometimes," Jongup's jaw tightened at his words, knowing that this guy who was all flirty with Himchan in one moment, and all lovey-dovey with his boyfriend the second. Heck, he hasn't met Zelo's mom yet, and he wondered just how close the two were.

"I will, I promise. Please, say hello to her from me," Zelo nodded at Yongguk's words, before pecking his boyfriend. 

"How do you two know each other?" Jongup finally spoke, trying to keep his cool.

"Ah, yeah, I forgot to tell you. Yongguk-hyung is a policeman, and he saved my mother and me from my abusing father." Zelo exclaimed happily, leaving the three boys dumb-founded at his innocence. Jongup eyed his boyfriend, trying to find something sarcastically in his words, but Zelo assured him that he was fine with a wide smile, and a wink. 

"Zelo, are you sure you're saying it properly?" Jongup asked, and earned a shake of the other's head.

"I'm fine, Jonguppie. That is in the past, and my mother and I feel good now, so there is no need for me to feel sad or angry. Besides, my father is in jail now, so everything is good." Zelo showed everyone that he was still a kid, kept secured from the real world. Jongup felt something washed over him. So he hurried to hug his boyfriend, and share a big kiss, that made Zelo blush. 

Himchan sat there with his eyes wide, as he allowed everything to sink in. He found new kind of respect for the older, as Zelo represented him so nicely. Yongguk payed for their drinks before nudging Himchan in his ribs. He pointed a finger at the door, as Himchan agreed. They left Jongup's bar together, and Himchan didn't know where to go from now.

The cold air covered their bodies, and since Himchan came by foot, Yongguk offered a ride. He shrugged it off, and entered the other's black car after a bit of persuasion. If there was someone you could feel safe with, that somebody's got to be a policeman, right. 

They sat in silence for a couple of seconds, before Himchan collected his guts to speak.

"That was nice..." Yongguk looked at him with a confused look, making Himchan continue.

"What you did for Zelo, that was nice.." Yongguk smiled a little, nodding his head.

"I was just doing my job. And besides, that man wasn't a man enough to stay free with his family," Himchan absorbed every words, following the way Yongguk's mouth moved when he talked. 

"Well, this is where I live, thank you for dropping me off," Himchan left the car, but failed to see that Yongguk followed him to the entrance of the building. Before Himchan could speak, he was cut off with a pair of lips, that softly pressed his. 

The younger could feel his legs turning into a jelly, as Yongguk deepened the kiss, licking his bottom lip. But as much as Himchan wanted to take his clothes off right here and right now, he kept his mouth closed, allowing the pair of lips to mold perfectly. Himchan's stomach burst out with ragging butterflies, as his hands clammed trying to catch Yongguk's arms. 

He felt like floating, moaning into the kiss, as Yongguk hugged him, bringing him closer. Everything stopped for both of them, just their lips speaking. Yongguk was first to pull away, breathing heavily, seeing Himchan with his eyes closed. He laughed at the other, and just how much he could do to sweep him off his feet.

"Well...that was..." Himchan whispered.

"Nice, good, perfect?" Yongguk finished his thoughts, but chuckled afterwards. 

"Can I get you number?" Himchan fidgeted in his spot, trying to fetch his phone from his pocket with shaky hands, before saving the other's number himself.

"Well, see you, Kim Himchan," Yongguk yelled on the way to his car, and Himchan looked confused, because he never said his family name. Like Yongguk could read his mind, he spoke, explaining.

"I did a little research back in the bar.." He smirked, jumping into his car, as Himchan was left alone, when Yongguk's car drifted off, and soon his mind, legs barely moving to his apartment. 

That night, he couldn't sleep, thinking that maybe, just maybe he found his knight in a shinning armor. With handcuffs instead of a white horse, that is. 


	4. Chapter 04.

A soft snore could be heard from the other room, as an alarm clock blasted in a room with creamy walls, and one closet full of clothes in the corner, along with a single bed, a a study desk pushed to the windows. 

Youngjae groaned before stretching out a hand from the pile of sheets, to turn off the annoying thing. He fetched his phone from underneath the duvet, checking his schedule with his head still under the pillow. Today was going to be a good day, according to his plan since he had one interview and a couple of articles to finish, if we don't count breaking articles. But they were unpredictable, as always. 

Nothing too big for mighty Yoo Youngjae, as his roommate Himchan said. 

Himchan heard soft footsteps over the hardwood floor, before he covered his head with a blanket, trying to steal a couple more minutes of his dreamland. Dreamland that somehow consisted of one buffed boy, that Himchan had a chance to kiss. Yongguk couldn't leave his mind all this week, ever since they've met. Himchan was over the top, when Yongguk sent the first message, just couple of hours after they bid their goodbyes. One hell of a goodbye if you asked Himchan. 

So, they've been texting the whole week, sending messages of what boring activities they had, or what TV shows the other one should watch. The younger would beam loudly every time his phone beeped, because it was either some of his coworkers, or a sex-god named Bang Yongguk. And his coworkers didn't disturb him past 9 PM. 

"I swear to god, Jae, his last name is something I want him to do to me," Himchan would squeal like a little girl, but pout soon after because of the pillow his roommate had thrown. Youngjae knew everything about the certain policeman, since his best friend chose to tell him everything the minute he walked in after their 'date', as Himchan explained. 

He was happy for his friend, but only for a minute, because of the squealing and fangirling of the other. 

"You have a problem." Youngjae would dodge the slipper thrown in his direction, running away to his room. But Himchan thought about the older so much, he started dreaming about him three nights ago. Sure, he had a diva attitude and a reputation to keep, but what was little fangirling in the privacy of his apartment. 

"Wake up, Channie!" Youngjae peeked through the door, turning the other's lights on. Himchan liked to sleep with his blinds down, because the light from the Youngjae's room was enough for him to see his room every morning. Their rooms were at opposite sides of the hall, and since Youngjae insisted on both of them sleeping with their doors opened, Himchan obligated. And the younger couldn't wake Himchan up if there wasn't somehow bright light, right in his eyes. Himchan groaned at the other's words, checking his alarm clock for time. 

"It's still early, Jae," Youngjae jumped on his bed on his words, tumbling around a bit. Himchan could feel a hand stroking his stomach, before it started tickling him, literally pushing him out of the bed. "Okay, okay, gosh." Himchan closed the door of the bathroom with a loud thud, leaving the laughing Youngjae beside. 

"Channie, you know you have a fashion show in couple of weeks, and you specifically told me to wake you up today at six thirty since you don't believe in your alarm clock and all," Youngjae scraped on the bathrooms door, hearing the water from the shower hitting the tiles. Himchan sighed yet again, allowing the water to splash his nape. After washing his body and hair, he quickly dried off, hearing Youngjae dropping something down in the kitchen. 

"What are you doing?" The older of them asked, as he sat down on one of the bar stools. Youngjae picked up a frying pan of the floor, placing it on the stove. 

"I want to make you some breakfast, that's all..." The younger beamed happily, before turning his back to Himchan, cracking some eggs in the pan. 

"Why are you so happy today?" Himchan asked while using a towel dropped around his neck to wipe some water droplets that slid down to his neck. 

"Why do I need a reason to be happy?" Youngjae asked with a fake insult on his face, stirring the eggs after adding some red peppers. Himchan shrugged but kept an eye on the other. Something was suspicious. Youngjae had this gloomy aura around him, and even if his favorite manga writer haven't published another chapter, there was no reason for him to be this excited. 

After they ate the breakfast that was a little bit dry, but Himchan chose not to tell since he knew how bad of a cook the other was, they went to their rooms to dress up. Youngjae picked a simple outfit since nobody even bothered to check out how the journalists looked, dressing up in a black tight pants and a red plaid shirt, topped with a denim jacket and red converse. 

Himchan walked out of his room, dressed casually bit chick, since his job was to look nice as well. 

"Wow, I didn't know you could look so club-like this early," Youngjae checked his roommate from head to toe, while Himchan twirled around for a better view, smirking along the way. He was wearing his favorite black jeans with cuts around knees, topped with simple white shirt with a long black stripe down the front side, and a black leather jacket with chains all over the sleeves. As much as he loved to show off, his modeling was stopped when his phone beeped from his pocket. 

From: Bang Guk~  
Good morning, beautiful,  
I hope you had a good  
night sleep :)) 

Youngjae chose not to wake him up from his daze, as he picked up his wallet and a bag full of his equipment, and left poor Himchan who was smiling around his head, if his ears weren't stopping him from doing so. 

Himchan squealed rather loudly, starling himself, reading the message over and over. He has fallen for the policeman, and he wasn't even surprised. Yongguk was everything the other wanted, with a perfect personality, and even better gummy smile. Smile that he dreamed of so many times, thinking that was somehow carved in his brain, under section 'Perfect' . 

After taking a few deep breaths to calm his overly hyper heart, he typed the message back, realizing that Youngjae's already left. 

To: Bang Guk~  
Yes, thank you.  
How did you sleep?~~ 

While taking his combat booths, his phone beeped again. 

From: Bang Guk~  
I was dreaming about  
one sassy designer, so I think  
I slept really well ;) 

Himchan almost fainted, locking the door with his sweaty hands, glad that nobody saw him, since the blush on his cheeks was visible even through his BB cream. 

*** 

Youngjae left for work, like every other day. He strolled to his car, checking any new mails from his editor, and drove to his favorite coffee house. The ride was short, since he had chosen this place three years ago, not a big fan of changes. 

"Hi, Youngjae, the usual?" Blond-haired girl from the cash register asked seeing her favorite customer. Youngjae nodded, leaning on the counter. He was a regular here, with each and everyone of the staff knowing him. The girl with a messy bob was named Amber, silly tomboy in her twenties. She worked here part-time, saving up for a final year of college, since her parents were in the USA, not being able to pay for her that much. 

She and Youngjae got to know each other quite well, and she was super cool with Youngjae being gay and all, since she had a girlfriend of couple of years herself. 

"Hey, how's Krystal?" Youngjae whispered, knowing that the other employees didn't know about her orientation, therefore always hitting on her without any cause. 

"She is fine, she just got her diploma," Amber handed him his coffee, iced Americano, with just a hint of sugar, and continued talking. 

"And we are going to celebrate tonight." Amber winked, giving the change back to Youngjae, who just stuck his tongue out, before yelling from the exit. 

"Congratulate her, and try to be gentle," Amber almost flipped her finger, but stayed put since the next customer walked in, as she had to serve them with a big smile. Youngjae chuckled, as he opened up his car, balancing a cup in his hand. 

His work was a ten minutes drive, and that time was 'Youngjae's time'. He turned the radio on, blasting it loud, well as much as his old corvette allowed him, singing along. He would use this ten minutes to drink his coffee in peace, singing whatever the song was about. Most of the times, he didn't even know what the singer sang about, but his voice would overpower it, singing his own lines. He expressed all of his built up stress with singing, finding it more of a vent than a hobby. 

He left his car in the parking lot of his agency, that was placed on the third floor of a big building in the big business square. A middle aged man bowed down as the Youngjae entered through the door the said man opened up for him. Youngjae bowed too, taking out his buzzing phone out of the bag. 

"Hello, Yoo Youngjae here," 

"Youngjae, I need you to come here right now." His boss Chaelin yelled through the phone, as Youngjae recognized his superior because of her strong voice. 

"I'm in the elevator, be there in two," Right when Youngjae pocketed his phone, the elevator dinged, as the door opened up showing full floor of people running around, talking very loudly. Youngjae sighed, and jogged to Chaelin's office, that was cornered on the other side of the floor. 

As much as Youngjae loved his job, he hated crowds, and people running around flustered. He loved his office that was placed on the right from his editor, cozy and quiet, just how he liked it. After couple of bumps on the other's, Youngjae knocked on Chaelin's door, opening up after her scream to come in. 

"Youngjae, you're here... Good!" His editor stood up, taking some papers with her, as she approached Youngjae who stood by the door with wide eyes. 

"Is...everything ok? You just screamed really loudly..." Youngjae asked with concern in his voice. Their relationship wasn't a professional one all the way. Chaelin loved to be a 'buddy' to all of her employees, fellow journalists, as she called her office, and Youngjae didn't put up with any kind of authority, so they worked just fine. 

Besides, Chaelin was a few years older than him, but already the boss of one of the biggest companies in Seoul. She was proud of her work, and even more proud of her life, living like a feminist. Sure, she had a boyfriend, a fiancé; to put it better, Jiyong who loved her unconditionally, but she still stood her ground on some of the beliefs she's had. 

To put it short, she was always happy, but today was different, and Youngjae knew that he's first one to experience her nervousness. 

"Youngjae, I need you to do something today, and I'm super busy, and Hyolyn just canceled on me in the last minute, and I don't know what to do, so I was thinking, no I demand of you to take that job and..." Chaelin was rumbling, going up and down her office, and you could see the worn out line on the carpet from her high heels. 

"Hey, hey, easy.." Youngjae took the chamomile tea from the cart full of coffee beverages and bagels from the hall, placing it in her hands. 

"Breathe in, breathe out," Youngjae sometimes needed to be a therapist when it came to Chaelin, because she was hot-tempered, and could've burst out on anybody, every second. After his superior drank her tea, and took some deep breaths to calm down, Youngjae asked what the big fuzz was about. 

"Remember that big interview we talked about over a month now?" Youngjae nodded, remembering how everyone was worked up about this big CEO, who just came back to Korea with new plans and new branch opened up in Japan. The task was assigned to Hyolyn who was the best in the agency, and she gladly accepted it, since Youngjae, who originally wanted the job, was more of a freelancer, working whenever there was research involved. But now, Hyolyn had better things to do, and Youngjae didn't quite understand how could she pass this amazing opportunity.

"Well, since Hyolyn canceled in the last minute, nobody is able to the interview besides you," Youngjae sighed at the other's words, remembering that he had only one interview for today, and his research was coming to an end. He just nodded, not wanting to cause any more drama, since Chaelin was breathing heavily once again. 

"I need you to do it. I'm sorry, I know that this is hurried, and I wouldn't be asking this from you, but you're my last hope, and I don't want to lose this, because apparently he's already too busy to start with," Chaelin threw her fists in the air, visible annoyed with the man who was too into his job to find any time for press. 

"Well, if that's the case..." Chaelin jumped from her chair, hugging Youngjae like crazy. He wasn't in the position to deny the job after all, but Chaelin knew that a good reporter shouldn't be pushed. "Thank you, thank you!" Chaelin muttered over and over again, as Youngjae pushed her off and into her chair once again. 

He sighed again, thinking about his good day, and how it wasn't good after all. 

"Here are the questions, you just ask them, without any concerns, because Mr. Jung already agreed to them, so you don't need to research him or anything like that... and here is..." Youngjae drifted off after that, with the Jung last name still lingering in his mind. That name caused a little pang of sadness in his heart, but he just shrugged it off, not knowing where his first and only love was being anymore. 

They've lost contact after the college, both going their separate ways. And this big bad CEO couldn't be HIS Daehyun, because HIS Daehyun talked about being a doctor, a heart surgeon even. So he forgot about the certain someone, and continued listening to the rumbling girl. And the way his mind gave the name Daehyun a pronoun 'his' worried him a little bit. 

"... So can you do it?" Chaelin asked, still holding the papers with questions in front of Youngjae's face. So he nodded, taking them and placing the pile in his bag. 

"Again, thank you, you're a life-saver!" Youngjae nodded once again, and closed the door of Chaelin's office with a loud thud. He walked slowly, almost painfully slow to his office, closing the door after him. His mind was back on Daehyun, thinking about the last time they spoke. 

_"I don't want to see you, just go away.." Youngjae sighed, closing the door in front of the older's face. But a foot in between the door and a door frame stopped him._

_"Wait, Jae, I just want to talk to you," Youngjae left the door open, and sat down on his bed, not being able to look the other in the eyes. Those eyes that caused so much love and sadness to add, in his heart._

_"I told you not to call me like that." Youngjae scoffed the words, keeping a good distance between them._

_"I just need five minutes, please!" Daehyun was still standing in the door frame, too frozen to step in. Youngjae nodded, counting the lines that were stitched on his carpet._

_"I'm going back to Busan since the college is over, and that means we won't be able to see each other anymore... unless you want it..." Daehyun caused his mind to go blank, his throat sustaining a breath._

_Could he be without Daehyun, the boy that grown on him for such a short time, the boy that he wanted to spend his life with, the boy that introduced him to new things like reading manga and listening to J-rock, the boy that made him fall in love... and last but not least, the boy that broke his heart, and made him suffer because of a little crush of his._

_Yeah, Youngjae concluded, he could live without this precious boy, but didn't want to._

_"Good, that's for the best.." His mind decided to speak instead of his heart, and Youngjae felt something wet prickling in the corners of his eyes._

_Donghae stiffened in his spot, swallowing a big lump from his throat, but Youngjae failed to see._

_"Are you sure?" Daehyun whispered, closing his eyes at the nodding Youngjae. "I'll miss you!"_

_Daehyun collected his courage before speaking, contemplating whether to hug the younger, or just leave it at that. He chose the second, coming closer to Youngjae to put a little velvet box in his lap._

_"Well, I hope to see you again..." And with that Daehyun left, closing the door to his room slowly, as Youngjae allowed his tears to stream down his face freely._

Youngjae remembered that day clearly, dreaming about it almost every other night. He felt a tear rolling down his cheek, quickly wiping it away with the back of his hand. It was still too painfully for him, since it was just a few years after that. 

And he was sure that he was over him, but something inside still stung whenever his mind played a trick on him and remembered Daehyun. Sure, he wasn't a virgin anymore, or having been with only one man in his life, because he had his share of the deal, but something kept him in the dark, bringing him back to the brown-haired boy. 

His subconscious was a nasty thing. The velvet box that Daehyun left contained of a small silver necklace with a celtic knot, that Youngjae didn't quite understand what it meant. And he sure didn't have the courage to go online and search the meaning of it. 

So after keeping it stored in one of his boxes full of memories of certain someone, he decided to wear it, because it looked nice, and because it reminded him of Daehyun. It was a win-win situation, if you ask him. 

Youngjae went through the questions a couple of times, trying to remember them quite well, since it wasn't his style to read every question from the papers. After that, he grabbed his stuff, and went out to his first interview that was scheduled at one o'clock in the afternoon. 

Youngjae waved to Chaelin through her glass windows on the office, and jogged to the elevator. 

His mind wasn't tired yet, thinking about his moments with Daehyun, and what he said before he left. Youngjae wasn't mad at him for going away. No, he was mad about his stupid brain, and even dumber heart that couldn't get a break. He didn't blame Daehyun for being perfect and all, he blamed himself for not catching all those little signs that the other wasn't interested. 

He blamed himself for practically throwing his own heart down and stomping all over it. Just like he deserved it, Youngjae thought, as the door of the elevator opened up on the ground floor. His first interview was about the case that ended up in the court. 

A woman was a victim of a hit and run, and the police found the culprit after couple of weeks, after identifying the car tracks on the road. Youngjae thought that the case was interesting since the accused was also a son of one of the biggest stars in Korea, the actor that was always decent in his work, and even displayed his perfect family to everybody. 

The case itself was interesting, without involving the father of the culprit, who finally agreed to meet him. The actor needed to keep his reputation, and Youngjae and his agency promised to put everything in the media the way he said it. 

Youngjae knocked on the door of a big house, after arriving at the parking lot and exiting his car, barely passing by dozen of security guys, all dressed in black, looking intimidating. But Youngjae didn't mind since he was once in a prison for beating up a guy who tried to separate him from his job, but that story is for another time. 

A maid opened up, shoving him the way to the study of the other, as Youngjae assumed. 

"Good afternoon, please take a seat," Youngjae nodded, sitting down in front of the big actor, he himself loved to watch when he was in his teen years. Youngjae opened up his questions, putting aside his inner fanboy. 

*** 

"And lastly, could you tell me what you expect from the jury on the trial?" Youngjae asked his last question, remembering to check his recorder if it filmed everything, even writing down some of the older's answers. 

"I want them to see that my son is innocent, I believe in their good judgment," Youngjae almost rolled his eyes, but stood up, and shook the man's hand, biding his goodbye. When he entered his car, he read the interview and what he wrote again, already seeing what lines could become a good headline. 

'Son of a star, soon behind bar' Youngjae chuckled on his thoughts, remembering that his job is to collect the informations, and send them around for other types of media to publish it. He started his car, and set to go to some kind of chain of fast food, since it was past three and he had an hour left until the next job. 

Youngjae wasn't very emotional to start with, and his job only added up to that, enabling him to detach himself from all the stories he had heard. That was easier, even though he cried every now and then, when something that wasn't supposed to happen - happen. 

But other than that, he didn't put up with any kind of bullshit, shutting down the person he spoke to, whatever the job was about. After buying some burgers and fries, he strolled down the streets from his parked car. 

The big company of Mr. Jung was located just few minutes from his own office, so he decided to park his car in front of his firm, and walk to the other. The other building was a lot bigger than his own work, that you needed to squint your eyes if you wanted to look all the way up to its roof. 

Youngjae finished eating, slurping up his smoothie, before walking up to the reception. 

"Good afternoon, how may I help you?" A girl in her twenties asked with a big grin, as Youngjae showed her his press pass. 

"I'm here to have an interview with Mr. Jung. I'm from the YG Media." The girl nodded, before handing him the floor number, as well as the instructions about where the CEO's office was. 

Youngjae entered the elevator, and within the next few minutes he arrived at the right floor, too high for his likings. He approached yet another reception, and yet another smiling girl, who told him to wait, since Mr. Jung was in a meeting.

***

"Mr. Jung could see you now," The receptionist motioned to Youngjae to go in, offering him coffee. Youngjae shook his head, followed with a little 'no, thank you' and entered the biggest office he has ever seen. The walls were creamy gray with big windows that gave away the look over the city. In the middle of the room stood a big brown desk, scattered with stocks of paper and business plans. 

Youngjae walked around, looking at the pictures on the wall of different places Youngjae didn't even seen online. There was a lot of landscapes of different cities, only couple of them did he recognize as Seoul. He sat down on one of two leather chairs that were placed in front of the big desk, putting his things on the floor.

He took out the questions, going over them yet again. He didn't even ask Chaelin what this company does, but the questions were basic, like what are the next plans for the company, and how the spread in different countries other than Korea happened... So he was fine.

The door of the office opened up behind him, as he hurried to stand up and turn around. 

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting..." Youngjae stiffened at other's words, freezing in his spot just like the man in front. The younger felt his throat tightening and heart beating faster and faster, wanting to jump out of his ribcage with every beat. 

There stood man the same age as him, dressed in a black suit, with a slick raven hair brushed back. The man in front left a sustained breath, the realization washed over them, as they both screamed at the same time 

"Jung Daehyun?!" 

"Yoo Youngjae?!"


	5. Chapter 05.

Youngjae spend that night tossing around, barely keeping his spot for couple of minutes. His mind was crowded with the special someone, as he cursed out loud every time that Daehyun popped into his mind. 

Truth be told, the older didn't even give him enough space to think about anything else. It was already 4 AM, and Youngjae couldn't even blink long enough without thinking about his one and only love. It was all too much, making him burst into a sudden laughter in one moment since it was almost impossible for them to be face to face again, and into a deep thinking in another. Almost invisible, but a small smile glistened his lips, making them twitch upwards. 

Youngjae muttered 'fuck' under his breath, still keeping quiet enough so that he didn't wake his roommate up. This was the first time he wanted to scream from the top of his lungs, and the first time he hated that their doors were opened up through the night.

Youngjae turned around on his belly, thinking about moving away. It was a pleasant idea, moving away to some place where no one knew about who you were, and who were you running away from. Youngjae groaned when another idea seemed meaningless, tossing around until he was back on his stomach, now facing the window. The perfect smile, that sparkled whenever Daehyun looked at him, the perfect lips, plump enough to kiss everyday, those eyes that made him tremble, those rough hands, intertwined with his own... It all came back to him, remembering that Daehyun back in college, when everything seemed possible. Youngjae's mind was too occupied with the older that he didn't even notice when Himchan walked into his room, and closed the door with a loud thud. 

"You're too noisy!" Youngjae heard from the hall, with soft steps caressing the floor. When the steps stopped, he realized that he was groaning and tossing around rather loudly, and Himchan didn't understand his state of mind, since Youngjae paced into their apartment earlier that day, and closed the door to his room loudly, avoiding his roommate the rest of the day. 

"Yeah... and he's back..." Youngjae whispered, not trying to bring any more attention to himself. He flipped around, lying down on his back, with a palm over his beating heart. His heart hasn't stopped beating fast since their eyes met, and he was worried that he's going to die because of the little petty crush of his from a few years back. But he knew it better, knowing that his little crush wasn't just a crush, since Daehyun meant a whole lot more to the blond guy. 

Youngjae pulled at his blond locks, tugging on them rather harshly, almost like he wanted to bring Daehyun out through his hair. He tossed around more, seeing the sun already settling, before grazing at the alarm clock behind his bed. 

"Ugh!" Youngjae groaned again, seeing it was already 4:36 AM, burring his head into the pillows. 

_"Jung Daehyun?!"_

_"Yoo Youngjae?!"_

_Both of the males screamed rather loudly, seeing each other for the first time since college. Daehyun was still good looking with black slick hair. His bangs were falling over his forehead, covering his eyebrows. He wore a nice black suit with a white button down shirt underneath and a black necktie hugging his neck. His eyes were bigger, with just a hint of adulthood, that made Youngjae look like a high-schooler beside him. His lips were pressed in a thin line, like he was thinking about something, but Youngjae could still see their firmness and plump that he wanted to kiss so much. He was still taller than Youngjae, and the said boy felt like the other hovered above him, even if there was a few feet between them._

_Something inside of Youngjae bloomed as his long-time crush walked to the front, approaching him, walking casually like always, almost like he was slipping into a Youngjae's life all over again._

_"Is it really you?" Daehyun whispered, with a shaky voice, trying to touch Youngjae who backed away almost tripping over the leather chair. Youngjae stepped away, feet heavy on the plush carper, hearing every step. Daehyun brought his hands down, keeping them firmly beside his body, almost like a sing of defeat._

_Youngjae backed away to the window, placing one hand on the shaft, the other behind his back. As the older sensed his heavy breathing, Daehyun was behind him, trying to catch him before falling out of the open window. Youngjae couldn't see people downstairs, since the floor of the office was high up, so he got dizzy, almost slipping out of his frame. Daehyun's hand stopped him, as the said boy pulled him in, pushing him down to sit on the chair from before._

_"Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee? Something to eat?" Daehyun asked, worry written all over his face. He was leaning down, closely to Youngjae who was still seeing dark._

_Youngjae got his steady breathing back, thinking like he fainted and dreamed about seeing Daehyun again. Because if it was real, he would punch the other, or at least say how he missed him, and then pull some dirty words out, before storming out on him. Because if he really saw Daehyun, he would be heartbroken all over again, and Youngjae wasn't even sure if he got over the older in the first place._

_"Jae?" Youngjae jerked up on his nickname, loving how his name slipped down the other's tongue, voice glazing him like honey. He missed being called like that with such firmness, that he almost felt homesick even though he never left his home town._

_Youngjae finally looked up, wanting to match the voice to the face, but didn't want to match it with this. Daehyun looked deeply into his eyes, with that spark that made Youngjae's throat dry. It was real, it was all real, but still like a dream. And Youngjae couldn't wake up. He didn't want to wake up._

_"Jae..." Daehyun whispered, taking the younger's hand in his own, caressing the back of it with a thumb. Youngjae wasn't dreaming, and the man he always loved was standing there, in front of him, holding his hand like Youngjae always wanted._

_"Dae?" The younger whispered, not thrusting his voice, and earned a light hum from the other._

_"What are you doing here?" Youngjae finally asked, pulling his hand back with a rough manner, startling Daehyun. Youngjae got up, feeling lightheaded as his legs almost gave him up._

_"I work here... Why are you here?" Daehyun asked little bit offended, since this guy was in his office, sitting on his chair, and currently breathing in and out on his velvet curtains. But this guy, as his brain processed, was Youngjae._

_His Youngjae, Jae that was his friend back in the college, the first and only boy that confessed to him, making him upset, but also waking something up inside of him, something new and sweet, but also dangerous. A feeling that Daehyun buried along with their friendship, that day when he brought Youngjae the necklace._

_The celtic-knot that was hanging around Youngjae's neck right now, as Daehyun closely observed. Daehyun's heart skipped a beat, along with his wide-eyes when they caught the necklace swaying from startled Youngjae's neck._

_"I was sent here, to interview you.." Youngjae breathed out, picking up his frame from slouching down. He tried to match Daehyun height, making him look like a kid who tried to show up to his bully. Truth be told, he wanted to show to the other, that he was doing just fine without him, like he wasn't thinking about him all this time they spent separated. But Youngjae knew better, and there wasn't nothing more that he wanted at the moment, than to jump and hug the life out of Daehyun. But his reasonable mind stopped him._

_"I see. I'm glad to see you!" Daehyun was honest, and Youngjae could sense that, and also see the glistening that the older's eyes showed, but stayed frozen in his spot beside the now closed window. Daehyun relaxed his tensed shoulders a little bit, going around his desk, before sitting down on his chair, lot bigger than the other two. He pointed to the guest chairs, eying the crawling like walk that Youngjae squeezed out._

_"Aren't you glad to see me, too?" Daehyun asked as soon as Youngjae sat down, almost immediately regretting his words. He could see that Youngjae stiffened in his spot, his eyes dropping to his desk. Daehyun allowed his breath out, not figuring out he was holding one in the first place, before speaking again._

_"We can do the...." Daehyun picked his words carefully, not wanting to scare Youngjae away, waiting for him to look up. And when Youngjae did, Daehyun looked down at his bag, slowly raising his finger. Youngjae followed his eyes, realizing soon after what the older meant. He pulled out the interview papers, sliding the edges with his fingers._

_The tension between them was wall thick, that you could slice it up with a sword, as Youngjae cleared his throat before starting. Youngjae wanted to ask the other so much more than the plastered ink on his papers said, but he had to stay a professional, putting his private life aside._

_"So... Mr. Jung," Youngjae allowed the other's name to slip down his tongue, like he was tasting it. Since Daehyun didn't change his posture, or look on his face, Youngjae continued. He turned the cassette around on the other side, before turning his recorder on._

_"Since when do you work here? Weren't you supposed to be a famous doctor?" It almost looked like Youngjae was mocking him, and the younger felt proud of himself._

_"Are those your questions or are they written down?" Daehyun asked with a wide grin that transformed into a smirk; Youngjae hated so much. But this one brought him back memories, and the boy inside of him wished to go back. To go back to the time when they were just friends, sitting in Daehyun's room, playing yet another game on his TV. The time when Youngjae wasn't aware of his feelings, of the butterflies in his stomach, whenever Daehyun approached him._

_"They are written!" Youngjae waved with papers in front of the other, firmly holding them with one hand, while the other laid on top of the stack. Daehyun almost giggled, sensing that Youngjae was still sensitive about them, so he continued to go along with the younger._

_"Right... I was studying to become a doctor, as the reporter here knows..." Youngjae rolled his eyes at the older's answer, pretending to look down through the questions. He decided to learn something more about the older, not minding the questions that much._

_"... And then the life happened, so I needed to take the company from my dad..." Daehyun breathed in loudly, thinking how to continue. Youngjae looked concerned, like he sensed something was wrong, but kept silent._

_"So, I'm CEO now, instead of my father..." Before Daehyun could finish, Youngjae's mind butted in._

_"What happened?" Daehyun shrugged the younger's words, pretending to pick some crumb from his pants suit, avoiding the question. He wanted to tell everything, to have the comforting Youngjae back again, but he knew that the younger didn't feel the same after all these years. And how could someone be still in love with someone even after they didn't see each other for couple of years. But, Daehyun knew better..._

_"Right... What are your plans after this branching?" Youngjae looked through his questions again, seeing something that broke his heart over and over again with each reading of the short, small informations on the margins of the paper._

_"You are getting married?!?" Youngjae felt like his voice is becoming hoarse, as something heavy lodged behind his throat. This was not possible, this was not how this was supposed to be. He was supposed to end this conversation with a light tone, maybe some balls kicking to the older's crotch, maybe some curse words, before locking this chapter and moving along._

_Hopefully._

_But life had other plans, kicking him down, beating him even thought he was already in a pit, giving him one last sucker punch in the throat._

_"Um... yes." It was almost inaudibly, but Youngjae heard it clearly. He allowed his tears to stream down, not sensing the wet patches on his shirt. He was crushed, to say at least._

_Apparently, he wasn't over this guy who gave him everything and nothing. He wasn't over with him, and when their eyes met just fifteen minutes ago, a little spark of hope blasted in his heart. But this was something else, and Youngjae couldn't take it anymore._

_"Well... Isn't this nice!" Youngjae groaned, standing up, almost knocking the chair down. Daehyun stood up too, watching carefully the other with wide eyes, and sympathetic look. His insides were burning up, he could feel the clenching around his heart, like it mention it to him to go and hug the other, bring him back from the fit he was throwing. Like it suggested him to go over there, and calm down the younger._

_To love him._

_"Mr. Big Bad CEO is getting married, and little poor Youngjae is left alone without even a letter, or a phone call, or anything else..." Youngjae couldn't stop now, he needed to say everything, and now was his chance. To say everything, and go back to the dark, the dark he wanted so much, but despited even more. He was feeling sick, like he could punch the other, like he could kill him in spot, not minding the mess afterwards._

_"And I assume she is a girl, a nice girl, who didn't go beyond herself to say that she loves you... The girl that didn't have to step over her pride, the girl that didn't need to move a finger to have you... Am I right?" Youngjae wiped his face with a back of his hand, eyes not leaving the older's. It was more of a rhetorical question, but Daehyun tried to talk, to say his side of the story, but Youngjae was quicker._

_"And finally, she didn't have to cry almost every night for four years, wanting to see your face, wanting to be in your embrace, wanting to share with you everything and nothing, wanting to go to you after every lousy date with men that couldn't even come close to you..." His legs gave him up, making Youngjae lean down on the table in front, with his palms first. He needed a break. He needed to get away, to move away from this hell that Daehyun was for him. From this heaven that the older could be, he needed to run away. But something kept him in place, wanting to destroy him even more._

_And goddammit! He didn't have right to feel like this, and to spit everything out. Daehyun didn't owe him anything! Nothing at all! And there he was, acting like a child once again. Youngjae was just so angry!_

_"Jae, let me explain..."_

_"No!" Youngjae picked himself up, standing proudly, before finishing._

_"I really wish that you are good to her... Because she doesn't even know what she has. And how it hurts like hell to let something like that go away." And with that Youngjae picked up his stuff from the floor, before marching out of the office._

_But as soon as the elevator door closed, his legs gave him up, and he feel down on the floor, crying his heart out. This was it, this was the end. He couldn't have a happy ending, he couldn't have everything that he wished for._

_He was dead._

_Everything that he ever felt for the older, was twirling around him, bringing him down. Everything that he ever wished for, was at hand reached, but now miles away. And he has had enough. Something inside of him snapped, bringing him up in just a moment, brushing his cheek, picking the tears away. He looked himself in the mirror, and that man didn't look like him. There was standing a guy, with black eyes, and even darker face. His hair that was blond, seemed darker, washing his light tone away._

_He was gone, simply._

_Yoo Youngjae wasn't here anymore..._

_Something else looked him in the eyes, who were still puffed from the crying. Youngjae brushed his cheeks, before nodding his head._

_"You are stopping now!" Youngjae said to his reflection, before stepping out of the elevator, determined. He didn't know what was going to happen, but something inside of him bloomed that minute. As soon as he left the building, people gave him weird looks, like they were afraid of the stomping man, walking like he conquered the world just moments ago._

_This was all new to him, but he knew that he isn't going to pity himself anymore, worrying if he's good enough for some man, because he didn't need them anymore. He didn't need to be the best he could be for somebody else, he needed to be best for himself._

_And this chapter was starting off, with a new Youngjae, a Youngjae without Jung Daehyun._

_But life had other plans. ___

__

__***_ _

__

__Youngjae typed the message to his editor, before turning away in his bed, facing the pillows. It was already half past 5 in the morning, and he didn't have work today. But he needed to explain to Chaelin what happened, and that she needed to send the questions back to certain someone, because the emotional Youngjae interfered yet again._ _

__"Pity..." Youngjae chuckled at his own image, remembering what he said the last to Daehyun, before he stormed out like a child he is. He covered his head with a blanket, finally ready to sleep, when his phone beeped from the night stand._ _

__He was expecting his editor to yell at him from the letters written down in the message, but what he didn't expect to see was a message from the unknown number -_ _

__From: 010-xxxx-xxxx  
Jae, I really missed you.   
Can we talk, please?  
Dae._ _


	6. Chapter 06.

Youngjae was scared, to say at least. He didn't want this hell to continue. Truth be told, he needed an explanation from the older, but his mind was tired, his heart was beaten up too many times, and he couldn't take it anymore. But as much as his mind was stubborn, his heart was a pit, endless hole filled with sadness and failures, wanting to be broken over and over again. 

So, after contemplating for about two minutes, because he already knew that he will accept the invention, he decided to go, and meet his destroyer, the guy that had all this crazy power over him, with full right, because Youngjae was weak, wanting to be taken care of. Even though he didn't want to admit that.

Himchan could see the next day that something was off with the younger, and he tiptoed around him, until he couldn't take it anymore with all of Youngjae's petty sighs and clueless wandering around their flat.

"What is wrong with you, and I wouldn't take 'nothing' as an answer," Himchan sat in front of Youngjae who was changing channels on TV even before he could see what is on. He was wrapped in his favorite blanket from his childhood, that was long enough to cover his upper body. The blanket reminded him of happy times, of times when he was just a child, with big dreams and even bigger ambitions.

Sad Youngjae was a pathetic Youngjae, too.

"I don't know how to say this, but.. Daehyun is getting married." Youngjae whispered, barely hearing his voice. Himchan's eyes went wide like saucers, followed by turning off the TV and sitting beside his roommate on the love seat.

"What? The Jung Daehyun that broke your heart, that Daehyun?!" Youngjae nodded, leaning his head in the older's lap, lying down so he can look Himchan in the eyes. Himchan was still with wide eyes, bitting his bottom lip. How was it possible for Youngjae to find out this, when neither of them saw the other for four years straight, the older tumbled in his head, hearing steady rhythm of Youngjae's breathing.

"How-How did you find out that?" Himchan finally spoke, locking his eyes with the younger who couldn't keep his emotions locked up. Himchan could see the tears pricking in the Youngjae's eyes, as he left the sustained breath, barely collecting strength to speak.

"He was my second interview yesterday..." Was all that the younger said before tears streamed down his temples, as the older rushed to brush them. Himchan knew how much Youngjae loved, how big his heart was, only Daehyun's to take. There wasn't anybody in the younger's love life other than certain raven-haired boy, and that made it even harder. And he was suddenly angry, feeling his heart beating faster, blood boiling in his veins.

"That idiot..." Himchan tried to stand up, but the blond guy stopped him, curling in a ball on the couch, with face buried in the other's lap. He needed to say those words out loud, he needed to relax his worrying heart, and he knew that his best friend is going to listen to his every word.

"Channie, I think I still love him.." As soon as those words left his mouth, his eyes closed shut, his throat sustaining a lump. It was too much for both of them. Himchan could see that even before Youngjae said it, and for the said boy was even tougher since his heart finally let go, stopped fighting, tensing with Youngjae's mind.

To be in love with someone even after all these years, it was unexplainable, because no one can be that stupid to be like that. Allowing someone to break every atom in your body, before taking you to the dark faze, that somehow Youngjae never left, was something stupid, something that no one would allow. But Youngjae was stupid, that fool only for Daehyun.

And the older couldn't even see that.

"Honey, please don't cry for him, he's not worth it!" Himchan tried to comfort the younger, but it was like Youngjae open up a tap, with tears freely streaming down. No one could see how much his heart hold sorrow for him, no one could see how much Youngjae was angry, more at him than at anybody in the world right now. But he still couldn't hate Daehyun, because love was too big. And he hated himself even more for that.

"But he is... I try to hate him, but I can't... It too much for me... And he even had the decency to invite me to talk... And I want that, I want him to destroy me, to break me totally, until there is nothing left... Because he is so worth it!" Youngjae said in one breath, snuggling deeper in the other's lap. 

Himchan was shocked, to say at least, with arms half-raised, not wanting to touch the other, of fear to break his fragile frame. Youngjae saw something in Daehyun even though nobody could swear their life that something was there besides the smile, and that somehow kind image that the older had. But the younger saw something more, making him fall in love deeply, even if he wasn't aware of how much.

This was the one and only time when Himchan saw how fragile and weak the other was. Even though the younger showed to everyone that he could take it all, taking extra work on himself, trying to prove to everyone and himself that he could do it. That he's strong, that he is worth being called 'the bitch of the third floor', but his insides were different. 

Himchan could see the scared Youngjae, buried deep down in the other's body, no one's to see. Little boy that Youngjae swallowed, sheltering from the outside world, trying to shush him from ever getting out. Himchan could see it. The older could sense how Youngjae was at the breaking point, trying to save up his dignity and sanity. And all for the man that wasn't even that good. Daehyun was poison in the elder's eyes, and he couldn't take it anymore.

"Don't go!" Himchan almost yelled, bringing Youngjae's head from his lap, face wet and eyes swollen, tears not stopping.

"Don't go, you don't need him anymore. You could just ignore it, and we could try to overcome him, once and for all!" the older earned a shooke of a head from Youngjae who already typed fast message to Daehyun, saying 'okay' before he could change his mind.

"I need to see him. I need an explanation. I deserve at least that," Youngjae stood up, pulling the blanket off his body, storming in his room. It was like Youngjae had an on and off button, pressing it when life became hard. His soft side would come out whenever he felt like breaking apart, but as soon as it sees the day light, it would disappear, hiding until the next time when Youngjae needed a break. Himchan was the only person in his life who had seen it, more than enough times, and he wasn't happy that his best friend stored something like that.

The older nodded, more to himself than to Youngjae, following his frame that disappeared in the younger's room. It was already 6pm and Youngjae had a little bit time until the date time. It wasn't a date, the said boy needed to remind himself, it was more like a get together, celebrating for Youngjae being a stupid boy, with his stupid feelings.

Pathetic. He knows.

He washed his face, trying to look like he hasn't been crying the last 24 hours, taking his time to scan his face. It was somehow pale, with sucked in eyes, and puffed lips. Youngjae choose some black tight pants, followed by a simple hoodie, and a pair of red converse. He didn't need to look pretty, or even decent, because it would be over soon, and he could come back home, and drown his body in piles of blankets. And that was a plan that Youngjae was looking forward to.

"I'll be back really soon," Youngjae said in small voice, as Himchan got up to hug him. Youngjae relaxed in that embrace, feeling light headed. Maybe that was a reaction of his body because of the lack of food that day, or his mind was finally realizing that he had to face Daehyun. And that wasn't going to be easy.

"Please, call me when you finish with that S.O.B.!" Himchan spelled the last part, making Youngjae chuckle. He quickly nodded, before closing the door of their apartment with a slow sigh.

This was it. This was what he wanted.

And he was going to take his chance.

***

Daehyun came by the café they were meeting at little before 7 PM, taking a boot in the far end, furthest away from the windows. He wasn't nervous, but somehow excited, because his mind was thinking about Youngjae, being there with him, in a hand-reach. He knew what kind of bastard he must have turned out, feeling his stomach twisting at just that. He could see Youngjae with tears rolling down his face in his mind, remembering how the younger looked crushed yesterday in his office.

Daehyun could feel his heart clenching just at the though of younger being sad because of him, and he couldn't even comprehend how much sadness and sorrow the younger felt. All because of his stupid mind, and even dumber morals. 

His father was a big figure in his life, as he learned everything from him. He taught him how to continue their business, how to talk with people, how to make him more intimidating, how to be a proud man. But one thing the older couldn't teach him, was how to love. 

Daehyun tried to love other people, but they were always left behind hurt and full of hate for him, and because of him, too.

And he needed to tell his side of the story, to explain everything.

Youngjae walked into the café a few minutes after, startling Daehyun from his thoughts. The younger sat down at the bar, not being able to turn around. Daehyun felt ragging butterflies in his stomach, as his heart thumped louder. He didn't remember when was the last time he felt like this, wanting to go and hug the life out of the younger. But after couple of moments, he eyed the local, and looked surprised when Daehyun waved with a hint of a smile.

"I'm here!" Youngjae exclaimed, as he sat down in the boot, leaning down on the cold black leather. Daehyun could sense the cold atmosphere, and somehow that made him sad. The way that Youngjae looked him straight in the eyes, with a hint of jealousy and something cold that Daehyun couldn't understand. 

Those brown orbs that he missed so much, that grazed his insides with every eye smile, stared at him now with no love, and no adoration. And those plump lips that stretched whenever they met, were now pressed in a thin line, as Youngjae licked them from inside. The way he was so relaxed, like they hanged around all these lost time, like they didn't have a history together.

Like Youngjae never loved him.

"Thank you for coming. It's good to see you!" After he earned a little hum from the younger he continued.

"I wanted to explain..." Daehyun couldn't find words to say, as Youngjae leaned down on the table with his elbows first. The younger tilted his head a little, trying to scare Daehyun away.

"About the wedding... And about us..." The last part was barely audible, but Youngjae heard it, sensing a little pang in his overly hyper heart. But he stayed quiet.

"I'm not marrying out of love... I'm marrying for business," Daehyun was honest, but Youngjae snickered, calling for the waiter.

"What can I get you, Sir?" The middle aged lady came by their boot, making Daehyun shut up whatever he wanted to say.

"I would like some beer, and for the lying son of a bitch here some water, to spray his lies down," Both waitress and Daehyun were shocked, eyes wide, while Youngjae stayed calm, in spite his burning insides. He finally felt calm, after those words left his mouth, but those words weren't his, and somehow left the bitter taste in his mouth. But he said it, there was no coming back after that.

Him and his tongue faster than his mind.

"E-excuse me?" The lady asked, while looking offended. She eyed the man besides the rude one, and after he showed her to leave, after couple of 'I'm so sorry's, she left them alone once again.

"I-I don't know what to say..." The older of them started, not looking offended, more looking like he got what he deserved. And that was what the younger needed to express.

"How about you say the truth, and I can leave knowing that you're still heartless like before, and.." Youngjae couldn't even finish, when Daehyun gained all of his courage, ready to say what he really felt.

"Jae... I'm telling the truth!" He sighed, ruffling his hair, that Youngjae just saw being without any gel and products, only Daehyun's black strands falling over his forehead.

"Jae, when I said that I missed you, I really meant it. And I wanted to find you, to tell you everything that I didn't have the courage to say four years ago," Youngjae didn't know what to think after what he said, but those words satisfied him, as he kept silent, ready to listen.

"Do you remember that Saturday night, when you confessed?" Youngjae nodded, nonchalantly, but knowing that night better than the other.

"It was Saturday, 14th, and that night kinda changed my life..." Youngjae could see that the older was serious, but still shrugged with a loud bicker.

"I'm not gonna say that you should believe what I'm about to say, but I need you to listen to everything!" Youngjae erased his smirk, and kept quiet.

"That night changed me, the stubborn, 'I know it all' kinda guy, that I was before, erased from my mind," Daehyun sighed, intertwining his fingers on top of the table. He was quiet for a couple of moments, just staring down at the table, like he contemplated what to say next.

"That moment when you said that you're in love with me, that look full of sincere and honesty, broke me down," Youngjae held a breath, widening his eyes.

"... You broke me down." Daehyun kinda laughed - kinda admitted to himself those words and that feeling that he buried along the memories of the younger. Like he just realized it himself.

"You left me to think about what you said, you left me with burden, that wasn't even a burden, but more like a nice light suitcase that I wanted to carry around..."

"I had these moments around you... Thinking about how beautiful you were when you lay down beside me after I had beaten you in another game on my console," Daehyun finally looked up, and Youngjae could see how his eyes glistened in the boot light, barely visible.

"That moment when your eyes were shaped like crescents, along with your cheeks that were tainted pink. The way your hair would fall down on your face, or how you laughed at all of my stupid jokes... When your lashes covered your cheeks, while you slept at my place, with little puffs of air leaving your mouth..." Daehyun wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, but pretended to do it on purpose, hiding his eyes with his bangs.

"The way that you would hide in somewhere quiet, until your sadness passed, either with your crying or with your eyes closed, taking a minute to calm yourself down... Every time you'd disappear, I knew that you were crying, and every time that happened it made me sad too, wanting to go and cuddle you until you were better..." Youngjae could hear the voice cracking, feeling his cheeks getting wet, but didn't mind that now.

"... And, do you remember how you would bicker about gym classes even though you knew how much of a grade all of that running was... But in the end, you would run everything that the teacher assigned, and would walk into the locked room with a wide smile knowing that you conquered yet another obstacle. That bright smile that made my day every day for two years... That smile that..." Daehyun couldn't finish, swallowing yet another lump, now wanting to look the other in the eyes. He could hear barely audible whimpers coming from the other, knowing that they were both emotional. His eyes were blurry, as tears prickled in the corners of his eyes.

"What are you trying to say?" Youngjae whispered, now believing his voice, that was surely hoarse knowing how his heart clenched at the older's words.

"And do you remember whenever you laughed, you would punch your thighs, with that melody that filled up the whole room... I've missed that laugh so much..."

"What are you..."

"I'm trying to say that I love you!"

Youngjae was like a dear in a headlights. With mouth agape, and wide eyes, he looked like he just avoided near death, and something died inside of him instead. Even though the younger didn't quite understand those words, or even believed in them, his sorrow and hatred for the older kind of died. 

And his heart started thumping really loudly, filling up his ears.

"I'm in love with you... Still..." Daehyun finished, finally looking up. Their eyes locked in for a minute that seemed like an eternity. Both of them shared their emotions within their eyes, barely breathing. And Youngjae didn't have doubts, he shouldn't have, right? But something wasn't right, his mind was screaming. His heart finally was beating normally, filling up his lungs with air, but something was off. 

"No!" the younger screamed, standing up, almost knocking the table over. He run outside, with eyes blurry, not wanting to see the other ever again. This was the agony he feared of. This was all that his mind and heart wanted to hear, to finally have a break from all of that sadness and self-pity. But this was something that he wanted to hear four years ago, not in a moment like this. When his mind screamed Daehyun, and his heart clenched with every thought about the older.

This was not the time for drama in his life, and only seemed as if the older only added oil to the fire. Or maybe Daehyun was only playing with his feelings all over again, wanting to have the satisfaction of knowing he's still something in Youngjae's life.

But he still loved him.

Daehyun followed him outside, running after him. Youngjae fell down in the alley besides the café, his legs giving him up, along with his mouth. When the older found him, he repeated 'no' over and over again, siting down while hugging his legs. 

"Jae... Please look at me!" Daehyun whispered, pulling him up from the concrete. Youngjae's body was shaking, as the older put his jacket around his shoulders. The warmth surrounded him, as he took a deep breath, trying to calm his beating heart. Daehyun was there, in front of him, with blurry eyes, that looked sad and somehow relieved. 

Youngjae could see the pink cheeks on the other, and plump lips a little bit open, like he tried to comprehend his feelings as well. Youngjae's head was spinning, making him sick. This was the man of his dreams, standing with his arms around Youngjae's frame, picking him up from the cold wall. This was his Daehyun, Daehyun that he wanted to make his, loving him with every fiber in his body.

And this was it. 

He needed his drug.

Youngjae pulled the other's shirt, breaking the space between them. He could see that Daehyun's eyes widened at the touch, before he collided their lips in a sloppy kiss. Both of their eyes dropped shut at the same moment, their hearts dying because of the contact. 

Youngjae felt those lips that he wanted to taste for so long, on his, taking his breath away. He could feel the sigh that left the older's lips, after the said man leaned down on him, wanting to devour him even more.

This was something that both of them wanted, for so long, that their lips tried to explain the explosion in their minds. It happened so fast, but Daehyun grabbed the lead, pulling the younger by his nape. The kiss that started out fast and hurried, was now sensual, pair of lips dancing together. 

Daehyun thought that he was sure giving the other the explanations that his tongue could't explain with words, hearing his heart that tried to jump out of his rib cage. The kiss wasn't like anything that the older ever felt with anybody, like his whole being was melted down, and then brought up again, revived by Youngjae. He couldn't think about anything else, his mind only screaming the younger's name, followed by 'I love you, I love you so much'.

This was it. This was something that needed to happen. To relieve their pain along with their love, that was slowly raising with every moment of the contact. 

Youngjae placed his hands around the older's shoulders, locking them behind, pulling their lips closer. Two pairs of lungs burned from lack of oxygen, but neither of them minded. Youngjae could feel all of the years of sadness being erased with those plump lips nibbling his bottom one. Daehyun's heart thumped in his ears, as Youngjae felt his whole body shaking, ready to burst out with all of the raging in his stomach.

Both of them realized what it meant when the world stopped, making them cry into the kiss to finally have each other in the embrace. The kiss was wet from the tears that streamed down the two faces, making them gasp, when the realization hit them. The pink lips that were pressed together, fit perfectly, with neither wanted to break it.

Their world had a meaning, and the other one gave it.

Youngjae was first to pull away, with lips trembling as Daehyun had his eyes closed, with a little pout staying on his lips afterwards. Youngjae smiled at the scene, taking deep breaths to calm down. His legs were like jelly and if he wasn't holding other so tightly, he was sure that he would've fallen down. 

Happy.

Excited. 

Scared.

Relieved.

All of their emotions were in the air, finally seeing the light, after all these years of hiding.

Daehyun opened up his eyes, as he caressed the younger's cheek. Youngjae leaned down into the sensation, closing his eyes yet again.

But as fast as his mind was calmed down, and his heart beaten faster, he remembered what the other said, and how it sounded so unreal.

"Dae... I'm sorry..." Youngjae whispered, before the older tried to lean down once again, erasing his small smile. The smile that killed Youngjae even more, remembering what to say next.

"W-why?" The older said, as Youngjae freed himself from the embrace, pushing the other off lightly. 

"I-I don't believe you..." And with that, Youngjae walked away, with shaky legs, and even shakier breath, leaving the other behind. Daehyun leaned down on the wall that the other just occupied, closing his eyes, when Youngjae didn't come back, didn't turn around to confess how he was only joking.

And after all these years, Daehyun finally realized how Youngjae felt that Saturday, when his world was crushed down. 


	7. Chapter 07.

Himchan was worried for his best friend, thinking how he shouldn't have let him go, knowing how weak the younger could be around Daehyun. It was like the raven-haired boy was his drug, and Youngjae was hooked. But there was no turning back now, and Himchan knew that Youngjae needed an explanation from his destroyer, before he pulled away from all the powers Daehyun had over him. 

'Be strong, Youngjae', Himchan repeated while pacing around the room. It was already 8 PM and there was no word from the younger. Himchan was too deep in the thoughts that he didn't even register the door bell that ranged twice. 

"Youngjae, where have you been?!" Himchan opened up the door with a loud bang, and a Bang he got.

"Umm, I'm not Youngjae, but I brought pizza," Yongguk stood in front the confused Himchan, that just realized he was wearing his favorite pajama with turtles all over it. He squealed before pulling Yongguk inside, and running away to his room to change. 

"What are you doing here? How did you find my address?" Himchan yelled from the other part of the apartment, as Yongguk found the kitchen and placed still hot pizza box down on the counter.

"I wanted to see you, and you always forget that I'm a cop, therefor I have some special ways..." Himchan could die from the amount of butterflies in his stomach on the others words, but stayed quiet, smiling like an idiot. 

"And if you're changing your pajama bottom now, don't!" Yongguk yelled, and Himchan could hear that he opened and closed some cupboards, probably looking for plates. 

"Here," Himchan popped behind him, opening the shelf with the plates, still wearing his turtle bottom pants. Yongguk beamed at the sight, closing the cupboard before Himchan could take the plates out, and turning around to face the adorable man.

"W-we need..." Himchan tried to speak, but Yongguk's hands around his body stopped him, feeling his face heated up just from this.

"Hi" Yongguk exclaimed, showing his gummy smile that made Himchan weak in his knees, along with his smirk to appear. Himchan was literally swept off his legs, when the older picked him up from the floor, and placed him to sit on the counter, with Yongguk placed between his legs.

"Hi" The younger said back, before Yongguk leaned down, pecking his lips. Their faces were just a few inches apart, while their breaths mixed and danced together. Himchan could've died from the kiss, but stayed quiet, gazing in those orbs that made his whole being weak. Before he could speak, Yongguk leaned down again, erasing his smirk, kissing his lips hungrily.

Himchan draped his arms around the other's neck, bringing him closer, erasing the space between them. Yongguk pulled the younger to sit on the end of the counter, locking his hands on the younger's small of his back. The kiss wasn't hurried or deepened, just lips touching, as younger shut his eyes closed, smiling into it. Yongguk's lips were trembling, as he kept his consciousness, keeping the younger close as possible. Himchan pulled the other closer, locking his legs around the older's waist, whimpering as Yongguk licked his bottom lip. 

They broke apart after few moments of full bliss, feeling light-headed. Yongguk showed his full smile, making Himchan smile even wider, thanking to all there is for having this man in his embrace. 

"Well... This was sooo.." Himchan almost squealed, throwing his attitude through the window. They haven't had a moment to see each other for so long, that both of them were slowly dying to see the other. And after Yongguk called to cancel his day, he jumped in his car and drove around. His mind was full of the raven-haired guy, wanting to taste his sweet lips once again. And not to stop at just that. 

"I missed you!" Himchan hugged the older at his words, closing his eyes as he lied down on his toned neck. He inhaled the mint scent along with some strong fragrance, that made Yongguk seem intimidating even more. This was something he needed, and he almost forgot about his best friend that was somewhere, having his heart broken.

"Youngjae.." Himchan screamed, bringing his head up to look at the other. Yongguk had this puzzled look on his face, allowing the other to jump off the counter.

"I'm Yongguk, you know that, right?" Yongguk chuckled a little bit, back-hugging the younger who stood at the counter, looking worried. Himchan nodded, dazed with the thoughts of his roommate to even listen to what the other said.

"Sorry... I just... I'm worried about my roommate." Himchan turned around to sink in those big arms, that secured around him, bringing him closer. The younger felt safe in the embrace, lowering his head on the firm torso, allowing his eyes to close. Yongguk had this impact on him, making him better with just one message or a mention of his name over the phone. They developed this habit to talk to each other, whenever one of them was feeling agitating, worried or even happy. 

They just needed to hear the other's voice to make themselves better. And even if they had only one date, official first date if you asked Himchan, they felt somehow familiar with each other. With each other's arms, scents, lips, minds... It was like both of them found what they've been looking for forever. And nothing couldn't keep them off each other. 

"What's wrong?" Yongguk broke the comfortable silence, hugging the younger even tighter. 

"My best friend, and roommate do add, Youngjae left to meet this guy that was giving him hell all these years..." Himchan started, pulling the older's shirt with his hands, like he was afraid that he would disappear. Everything seemed just so natural, as Himchan opened up to the cop before, loving how Yongguk listened to his every worry, without judging like he had experienced before. Yongguk could sense that the younger was trembling in his arms, so he secured him that he's real, and that he's not going anywhere.

"This guy, that is bad for him, that is evil, that is everything that is bad on this world—" 

"Easy, baby... Breathe!" Yongguk broke the rumbling of the other, feeling the younger stiffening in his hug. Himchan tried to regain his posture, but the way the word 'baby' slipped down the older's tongue was doing things to him.

"Right! But you don't get it. Youngjae has been in love with him for over five years, and he even confessed back in college, only for this guy to turn him down, and even have decency to invite him out to talk," Himchan bickered, with eyes closed, still lying down on the other. Yongguk was silent, allowing the other to continue. Himchan took a big breath, and cursed mentally when he inhaled the other who smelled so good, that had his mind drifting of.

"And Youngjae is weak, this guy is doing things to him that I don't get, and he is openly allowing him to destroy him even more, and I'm worried... and—" Himchan tried to explain everything, but reminded himself that Yongguk gained the same power over him, in just couple of weeks since they met. 

And that didn't even scare him.

"...and this devil even announced that he's getting married, and Youngjae realized that he's still in love, and everything is messed up.. and..." But before Himchan could finish, Yongguk brought his head up, looking confused.

"Wait, Yoo Youngjae?" Himchan nodded, looking confused himself, because he never told the older his name, or even last name. This was all messed up, and he's about to learn how much.

"And this Youngjae is in love with Jung Daehyun, right?" Himchan pulled out of other's embrace, thinking about their conversations of the week before, because he surely didn't mention 'that devil's name', as Himchan nicknamed the younger.

"What? How do you know their names?" Yongguk pulled the other to the living room, placing them both on the couch. Yongguk bit down his bottom lip, not knowing how to explain, and Himchan looked like he was offended, even slapping the hand away when Yongguk tried to touch his knee to make any contact, without any last intentions.

"Daehyun, or the devil as you called him, is my best friend," Himchan stood up rather harshly, followed by Yongguk who stayed there, frozen by the couch, since Himchan paced around the room, trying to understand those words. It was so crazy that the man he almost fell in love with—he tried to trick his heart and mind that he's still not head over heels for the older—was Daehyun's best friend. 

The same Daehyun that he wanted to kill and bury somewhere all these years. The same guy that broke his best friend thousands of times, making it look like Youngjae wanted that himself. Himchan was pissed, and Yongguk's hands around his waist weren't helping. 

"Baby... Channie, please calm down." Yongguk tried nicely, but was slapped across the cheek when Himchan heard what the older said. Himchan's eyes were flaming with anger in one second, and full of worry in the other, when the realization washed over him. He just slapped the man he cared for, and all because of that guy that he couldn't even bring himself to say his name. 'Damn you, devil, you're ruining so much more than just Youngjae', Himchan thought before he joined the older who sat down on the couch, looking surprised. 

"Gukkie, I'm so sorry, I don't what's gotten in me, but I can't keep this hate towards Daehyun locked anymore," Himchan sat down in the other's lap, and he was glad that he wasn't pushed away. Yongguk's cheek was a little bit red, as Himchan tried to pamper it, with his long finger slowly glazing it. 

"Wow... This was something that I didn't expect when I came here," Yongguk chuckled, looking in the younger's eyes, and he saw how sorry the other was. The older hurried to pull the younger down on his chest, once again, exhaling deeply. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Himchan was saying to the other, but thought about Youngjae, not knowing where the younger was. 

"So fierce, baby, I love it!" Yongguk brought Himchan's head up, kissing him softly, brushing the tears away. Himchan smiled into the kiss, allowing the other to pick up the pace. The kiss was short, but full of emotions that were dancing inside of Himchan, who tried to regain his voice.

"H-How is this possible?" Yongguk shrugged at the others words, keeping their foreheads close. 

"I know all about Youngjae. Daehyun told me about him way too many times," Himchan pulled away at his words, looking surprised like when the older confessed who his best friend is.

"What? Why would he?" Himchan tried to speak, voice hoarse from the kiss, and well the tears that still stung his eyes. 

"Because he's in love with Youngjae!" Yongguk shrugged, like it was a normal thing, thinking how his lover already knew that. Himchan squirmed in the others lap, pulling his hands up, and down, thinking about what the other said. This was something that changes everything, and suddenly Himchan hated the other even more. His insides were burning, and not good burning, like when Yongguk kisses him, the bad one, when he wanted to pull somebody's head off. And Daehyun was first on his list.

"What are you talking about? That's not true!" Himchan looked deeply in the older's eyes, trying to find in them the smirk that Yongguk was to pull out next, saying how he just joked around. But when Yongguk's face didn't change, he suddenly felt relieved. 

"I'm telling the truth, Daehyun said that twice, or couple of more times, I'm not sure..." Yongguk looked in the distance, remembering his talks with Daehyun, too deep in the night, while the whole bar went home. They would sit down at the bar, drinking yet another bottle, well Daehyun was drinking another one, while Yongguk stayed with him, since the younger was stubborn while drunk.

"You have that look in your eyes, what are you thinking about? I need to know," Himchan brought him back, leaning down in the other's personal space, too close to his mouth.

"Okay, I will tell you, but no more slapping... Until the bed, of course." Himchan playfully hit the smirking Yongguk, trying to keep his straight face on, but not hating the idea even the slightest.

"Well... I've known Daehyun for about three years, I met him at the job actually. And no, he wasn't arrested or anything like that," Yongguk explained, when the younger widen his eyes, thinking about the worst case scenarios. 

"We clicked right away, he even helped me with a couple of cases, and we became really close in the short amount of time. And he seemed like something was bothering him all the time, so I asked once what was the deal with his mood changes..."

"And? What did he say?" Himchan pierced in, looking like the eager child when his favorite story was cut off before the ending.

"You're so cute, you know that," Yongguk smiled with his gummy smile, trying to kiss the other once again, but was soon shushed with the hurried kiss from the other, who blushed a little bit.

"Okay, okay. So I asked him what was happening, and that was the first time when he opened up about this Youngjae, and didn't shut up about him ever since," Yongguk remembered how the younger cried when he talked about Youngjae, and how he listened to the story that surely even Himchan knew, for about three hours that particular Friday night.

"He talked about his father and how he couldn't understand what Daehyun felt, and how he broke the younger's heart that Saturday night, after some party.."

"Yes, the party that I dragged Youngjae to..." Himchan interrupted again, but shushed after, pushing the other to continue.

"And so he talked about what the younger'd said, about being in love with him, and how it made him feel. Daehyun was broken after that night, trying to find the words for Youngjae, trying to explain... But he needed to go home, after his father got sick, so he bought this necklace, something to express his feelings..."

"The celtic-knot that Youngjae wears? That was something that Daehyun bought?" Yongguk nodded, thinking about his next words.

"Yeah, and that was like their last time together, right?" This was Himchan's turn to nod.

"So after his father's health got worse, he inherited the job, taking the spot of the CEO instead of his brother, who was being busy with his studies and moving abroad," Himchan listened to it closely, as the words engraved in his mind.

"He was still trying to comprehend what the position was, since he didn't want the job, wanting to be a doctor. And every time when we got together, he looked like he could burst out crying or trying to end everything, and oppose to his father, but he couldn't, considering his bad health..."

"He is a good man, let me tell you that, and even with ups and downs, he is a good man." Himchan nodded unconsciously, because what the older said was something he was considering now, thinking about how Youngjae talked about Daehyun like he was the God himself.

"But every time when we got out for a drink, he would get drunk, pouring his soul out... And that was when I heard everything about Youngjae, and how much he loves him. Daehyun couldn't find strength to find Youngjae, but every day of his life went by with the thoughts about him.." Yongguk felt bitter taste in his mouth, as the next words left him.

"His father called him in one day, saying about this plan to marry Daehyun into this famous family. I don't remember their last name, but anyway, he explained how good the marriage would be for their businesses, and how Daehyun needs to do that. He objected, not even wanting to know who the girl was, saying how he couldn't do that to Youngjae. His father, knowing who Youngjae was, threatened to send him away to America, or something like that, if Daehyun chose not to marry her," Himchan could feel his cheeks getting wetter, as Yongguk massaged his cheek with a thumb. 

They were at the receiving end of this story, knowing what their best friends went through, but it was all too emotional, hearing what the other had to experience. Yongguk cleared his throat, thinking how Youngjae had all this hardships just as Daehyun did. And that wasn't something they needed anymore.

"I told him to find Youngjae, and express everything, but he was scared. Scared of Youngjae being happy with somebody else, because of the years that have passed, stubborn years with both of them being unhappy." Himchan nodded, crying more to himself, not wanting the other to pity him, or worse—Youngjae. 

But as his best friend, Himchan knew what kind of sadness the younger held, the sadness that both of them shared, in this hell of a love story.

"And he was left to pity himself for being stupid four years ago, when he could have had Youngjae all to himself, and when everything could have been okay..."

"But, as much as love that guy, he is stupid. Stupid to think that his feelings and his own wishes are in the last place in his life, only his to carry around... I told him too many times that being gay isn't something to be ashamed of, and that you're supposed to love whoever you want. But he was thinking that he was being a freak, a shame for his family, and that devil of his father that couldn't understand..." Himchan felt something inside of him blooming at the older's words, wanting to share everything with him. Everything that his problems were, every little fear of his, and every little happy moment yet to come. But kept silence, feeling his heart clenching.

"That when you find that one special person, you don't let go, because they might never come back.." Yongguk said that more to himself, glancing at the younger's black orbs, wet from the tears. He wanted to kiss the pain away, sensing how much Himchan cared for his best friend, changing his mind about Youngjae too. 

"So, being the weak guy he is, he agreed to the marriage, accepting his life as it is, still thinking about Youngjae, and hoping that he was happy with someone else. He even told me that he's no good for the younger, but if ever Youngjae appears in his life again, he wouldn't let him go, he wouldn't allow himself to lose him again..." Right at the last words, the front door opened up, and closed with a loud thud. 

Both Himchan and Yongguk turned their heads at the entrance of the living room, as Youngjae got in, with red cheeks and puffed lips, trembling when he spotted the two guys that were snuggling at the couch. Neither of them spoke in the next couple of minutes, as Youngjae gained his courage, and turned to Himchan 

"I think I fucked up."


	8. Chapter 08.

It was already midnight, and Kim-Yoo residence was quiet. Himchan was siting in the living room, with hand on the phone and Youngjae was by the window, with legs on his chest. Both of them were siting in the dark, only cars from outside were heard. 

The younger of them was watching everything that was happening on the other side of these walls that were slowly closing around him. He was watching, but not seeing anything. His mind was blank, only a spider knotting a web from what it was left out of Youngjae's nerves. On every mention of Daehyun in his brain, one tear slided down his face, not even bothering to wipe his already pale face.

He should be revealed, right? The man he loved said 'I love you' back. This was something to celebrate, right? 

Then why did he feel like a complete shell, dreading the moment when their paths crossed. His heart was slow, dangerously slow, only beating to dead Youngjae, leaving him alive just a bit longer, to suffocate in his miserable life. The surprise and excitement from before passed, leaving him dumbfounded. He was seriously thinking about moving away, and having a heart transplantation, or something.

His mind was wandering a lot.

Himchan was at the couch, ready to jump and call Yongguk, if Youngjae tried something. He wasn't sure how much the other was broken, and to what cause he could go. The talk wasn't helping either. When he walked Yongguk out, he found Youngjae in the kitchen, watching the water pouring from the tap. Something was off, and Himchan knew what drop seeped through the glass, and destroyed his best friend all the way.

When Youngjae finally opened up, and said what the other told him, Himchan only nodded, believing what his boyfriend already said. Daehyun was in love with Youngjae, and the younger was pissed. There was no turning back from this point, only more suffering and bottomless pain. But, knowing his best friend, Himchan believed that him and the devil, that wasn't the devil anymore, had a chance. The chance that Youngjae needed to give, to ease two pains with the same rock. Rock that was drowning both Daehyun and Youngjae down.

"Jae... " Himchan slowly started, bringing Youngjae's mind out of daze. The older of them palmed his heart, seeing the broken look in the other's eyes. The way Youngjae's face sunk in, and his fair skin only got paler, gave Himchan a clutched heart.

"What are you planning to do?" Youngjae only shrugged his shoulders on Himchan's words and turned around to look at the night sky.

"How much of a splattered brain could I have if I jump off from our floor?" Himchan's eyes grow like saucers, since their floor was eighteenth, highest in the building. There was no sleeping tonight, Himchan knew, remembering to keep an eye on the younger from now on.

"Don't say that..." The older messed his hair with one hand, the other one coming to grip Youngjae's shoulder. The younger stiffened at the touch, staying quiet. They stayed like that for about ten more minutes, before Himchan decided it was enough. 

"Jae, what do you say if we go out tomorrow? I want you to meet Yongguk," He spoke softly, as Youngjae's face didn't change at all. He was still sitting there, at the pedestal of the window, with the same glassy eyes and quivering lips.

"Don't know... Whatever..." He lowered his head on his knees, taking small breaths. Himchan, as much as he loved the other, thought that this was it. He picked Youngjae up, taking him bridal style and walked down the hallway. He basically throw him down in the bathtub, with Youngjae still having his clothes on, and turned on the tap. 

"What are you doing?" The younger was still the same, with voice wavering just a bit. Himchan huffed the fringe out of his eyes, before pushing Youngjae to lay down in the tub that was now filled halfway through with lukewarm water. He avoided the other's question perfectly, crouching beside. 

"Just... stop!" Youngjae calmed down on that, allowing water to reach his chin, taking deep breaths. His body finally relaxed, as he felt all the stress leaving his frame with every pouring of the hot water. His best friend was still beside him, still avoiding eye contact. Youngjae could see that Himchan's chin was trembling, along with glassy eyes that he hid behind his bangs. 

"I'm here for you... And you won't let me in!" Himchan finally spoke, lowering his head even more. Youngjae could feel his heart clamping on that, each word piercing his skin like a needle. He didn't even notice when Himchan closed the tap and sat down so his back was leaning on the wall of the bathtub. Himchan allowed his head to lean down too, looking the white ceiling through his tears, like he was trying to count the paint cracks that formed after couple of years of not painting it. 

"I'm sorry. It's just, you see yourself harder than it is. I know it hurts, like hell - for sure, but you have to talk to him...." Himchan took a deep breath, clenching hands in fist and placing them in between his legs. 

"You have to get out of this, this wall you built around yourself, and allow someone, anyone to come closer to you. Even I'm exiled from that world of yours.. And that hurts, because I was always here for you, and you didn't even talk to me when you first saw Daehyun. I could've gone there and rip off that pretty head of his..." Youngjae smiled through the tears, his clothes completely soaked by now. He choose to stay silent, wanting to hear everything that the older had to say.

"But no, you choose to deal with your demons on your own, basically shutting me off out of your life." Himchan's voice was thick with emotions, barely keeping his posture straight. As much as Youngjae was in pain now, his pain was half of that, because Youngjae suffering meant Himchan suffering. And that was the part that the younger didn't understand.

"Yongguk told me everything..." Himchan started again, after taking a few seconds of silence, contemplating whether to tell the other anything and everything.

"Yongguk, my Yongguk is Daehyun's best friend," He finished, hearing that the water level changed, as Youngjae splashed some of it on the floor with his hand that came to clench the side of the tub, closely to Himchan's head. 

"Yeah. He told me that tonight, along with the 'in love' part." Himchan's voice lowered, with throat being sustained with a big lump. He couldn't turn around, knowing that Youngjae was silently crying, only sobs leaving his mouth. Himchan took all of his courage, and continued. He knew that the younger would be crushed by the end of it, but he needed to hear it. 

"Daehyun loved you even when you confessed to him. But he turned you down, convinced that loving a man was a bad thing," Everything that he felt for Yongguk was twirling around in him, forming a big rock deep down in his guts. He was always openly gay, so was Yongguk, but thinking that somebody was having hard times, and with that hurting somebody else, was out of his picture. 

Himchan was sure that he wouldn't have survived everything that both Youngjae and Daehyun went through, finally convinced about their individual strength. Youngjae was still silent, wiping his tears with one hand while the other clammed on his mouth, trying to stop any sounds from exiting. 

"Yongguk said that his father couldn't understand his emotions, so he gave him an ultimatum.. I think you figured things out by now..." Himchan turned around, seeing Youngjae who was paler than ever before, with a broken look in his eyes. The way the younger looked straight at the tub wall with such calmness that Himchan was worried.

"Jae..."

"Don't!" Youngjae said with hoarse voice, before he stood up from the tub and walked out of the bathroom. Himchan followed him only to face the door of the younger's room that he closed for the first time since forever. Himchan leaned down on the door, hearing small sobs from the other side. When a loud banging sounds came to the older's ears, along with some glass shattering, Himchan kicked the door open. 

"Jae, Jae, baby please!" He hurried to the other who was kneeling down on the carpet, with bleeding hands and face that somehow distorted from the pain that was visible throughout the younger's body. There was broken glass all over the floor, with pillows thrown around and shelfs empty. Youngjae's things were scattered around the room, barely leaving space for anything else. 

"We need to clean this, please," Himchan was still holding Jae's hands in his own, seeing that the cuts weren't so deep, but deep enough to get infected.

"I can't, I can't!" Youngjae was repeating it like mantra, not even sensing the pain from the glass, emotional pain overpowering it.

"Jae..."

"How could he? How dares he?" Youngjae cried even harder, leaning down in Himchan's hold. His body was shaking with hands grabbing the older's shirt.

"I love him so much but I can't any more. I'm weak, I'm gone, dead... Can't!" Youngjae finally got to his feelings, ready to tell everything there was to confess, finally having his moment, appreciating his power to being strong enough to admit it. 

"I wanted to hear him say it back so much that somehow in my mind it seemed like he already said it a million times... But now... I don't know, Channie, I can't seem to find a purpose, can't forgive him, can't love him anymore..." Himchan's heart was breaking at the younger's words, holding him tightly in his arms. 

"I want to be there for him, but something is stopping me.. And that something is me," Youngjae finished, finally revealing everything there was to say, falling down in Himchan's hold. 

There was no words to describe what he was feeling, only his words trying to explain himself. And Himchan understood it well. He wanted to show the younger that it was fine to forgive someone even after all these years, that it's fine to let yourself go and have that piece of happiness, even just for a little while. 

But he stayed quiet, contemplating what to say, and just sat there with an empty mind and even emptier heart. If he could share Youngjae's pain - he would, without any doubt. But this was something that the younger needed to deal with all by himself, hopefully with Daehyun's understanding.

***

The morning came by quickly, as they woke up in Youngjae's bed, with all the emotions still heavy in the air. Youngjae tried to remember what happened last night, seeing his room demolished, but still choose not to, not wanting to endure it anymore. 

He went to the kitchen, switching the coffee machine on. Even though he didn't feel like drinking coffee this early in the morning, the first sip of the black substance brought his senses to life, allowing him to breathe properly. Himchan walked in the room with a wary look, pouring a cup for himself too. They stayed quiet, just staring at their individual cups, allowing the atmosphere to suck them in. Both of them said something big last night, and when two minds were busy with each other's ideation, Youngjae broke the silence.

"Let's go out tonight, I wanna meet Yongguk," He tried to smile, but the dried tears on his cheeks made him look like a sick person with a dying wish. Himchan only nodded, looking back to his mug. Something about the way he was so quiet worried Youngjae but he shrugged it off. Youngjae's hands were still covered with blood, the blood that dried over night, but he didn't feel the pain. Or was too dazed for that.

"Sure, I'm gonna call him to confirm." And with that Himchan went to his room, dialing his boyfriend. When Yongguk answered, he sobbed quietly, not wanting the other to hear.

"I'm glad you both agreed... Channie, are you okay?" Yongguk asked knowing Himchan's cheerful voice too well. Himchan nodded, but talked however knowing that the older couldn't hear him. 

"Yeah, I'm fine... But we'll need to go through with our plan." The line was silent for couple of seconds, since Yongguk thought it through. 

"Are you sure?" Himchan nodded again, and with a 'yes, thank you' ended the call. 

Youngjae might not be happy, but this was for his own good, Himchan could only hope. 

***

When the night came, and clock ticked 8 PM, Youngjae and Himchan left their flat, looking better than decent. Both of them showered, choosing to wear something casual, but good enough to cover their hardships. They came to the bar around 8:30 PM since Youngjae wanted to walk there, cleansing his lungs with fresh air of the Saturday night. The bar was quiet, some foreign jazz playing in the back. It was almost full, with people occupying booths with tall walls and wooden tables. 

When Himchan went first through the crowd, and spotted his boyfriend sitting with someone, he was feeling nervous all over again. Youngjae was still looking around the bar, admiring the pictures of towns around the world hanged on the wall, when Himchan stopped. 

"So Jae, this is Yongguk, my..." Himchan pointed to the buffed man at the table, not knowing how to finish. 

"His boyfriend, nice to meet you!" Yongjae shook the man's hand, eyeing the blushing Himchan beside him. 

"And this, well, you know him," When Youngjae looked right, his heart stopped. 

Daehyun, fucking Daehyun was sitting in front of him, with slick black button-down shirt and disheveled hair that seemed to poke him in the eyes. Youngjae needed a moment to breathe properly when Himchan sat down beside his boyfriend, leaving the dumbfounded Youngjae to stand beside equally confused Daehyun who stood up to greet the blond.

"Umm, hi..." The raven-haired boy needed to lean in Youngjae's personal space to speak over the music. Youngjae momentarily distanced away from him, feeling a heart clenching in his chest. Yongguk saw the pain heaving through Daehyun's eyes, but Youngjae missed it.

"Feel comfortable around me, I'm not going anywhere," The oldest of them tried to softened the atmosphere, seeing how Youngjae contemplated whether to sit beside the man he wanted so much but hated even more. When all of them were seated at their respected seats, Himchan broke the silence.

"I feel like some alcohol, don't you?" Everybody could hear that he was nervous, as Yongguk saw the death-threat that Youngjae sent to his boyfriend with eyes. Yongguk draped his arm around the raven-haired boy, as Himchan leaned in to give him a quick peck for hello. The boys on the other side of the table looked jealous for a moment, side glancing at each other.

"Why don't we order something, and then we can talk." Yongguk tried again.

"I don't want to talk to him!" Youngjae found his voice, thickening it with hatred. Even thought he didn't mention any names, everybody could see how Daehyun sunk deeper in his plush seat. He was aware that this night could go either way, and that the other way was bad for him, but when his best friend told him their plan, Daehyun didn't even hear the end of it, agreeing to it immediately. 

"Jae, please stay!" Daehyun spoke again, bringing everyone's attention to him. There was sincerity in his voice, and even Youngjae could hear it. So instead of nodding or saying anything, he just stayed in his seat, eyeing the table in front. Daehyun visible relaxed, calling for a waiter.

"Welcome, how may I help you?" The young man asked, lingering his eyes longer on still frowning Youngjae.

"We would like to order, umm, white wine for my boyfriend, another beer for me, and for you.." Yongguk stopped, looking at the other side of the table. 

"Well, blackberry wine for Jae, and another scotch for me," Daehyun finished, feeling the blond's eyes on him. The waiter politely bowed, taking his leave.

"You still remember?" Youngjae asked, earning a big smile from the man beside.

"Of course, I remember everything about you!" Daehyun's soft eyes stayed on the younger's face, as Youngjae choose not to get lost in them, admiring the table in front. But however, Daehyun could see the deep-red blush on his face, chuckling softy. This was the time when they shut out the other older boys at the table, who looked at them with such pride. 

"Why are you laughing?" Youngjae looked at the other, cursing mentally for that, because he missed those crescent eye-smile so much. 

"You still blush crazily when something says something about you... You're so cute!" 

"Shut up!" Youngjae said sternly, punching Daehyun in the arms, but smiling lightly. 

"I'm sorry for bringing you out tonight, but there was no other way that you would talk to me," Daehyun's smile dropped, as Youngjae lingered his eyes on him. There was something so familiar, too familiar with the tension that wasn't here anymore between them, and Youngjae was finally relaxing. 

"I think this wasn't your idea." Youngjae peeped at the couple in front, seeing how they were all lovey-dovey with each other. Daehyun took his chance and closed the gap between their bodies, allowing their sides to brush. 

"No, but you have to admit their bravery," Youngjae nodded at this, feeling like he was burning up from their proximity. The strong cologne from the other came to his nostrils, filling his lungs to the brim. Youngjae felt like loosing his posture once again, and enjoying it too much.

"Why do you want to talk to me? There is nothing left to be said." Youngjae moved away a little bit, enough to regain his consciousness. 

"Jae..." 

"Don't Jae me, I told you already, I don't believe it!" Youngjae could hear how his voice sounded too heavy on his tongue, and what his words did to the other but kept going for the other's weak spot.

"I don't believe you, because it's crazy that famous heart-breaker Jung Daehyun would care for anybody, would love anyone, let alone one pitied Yoo Youngjae with foolish dreams and hopes, right?" Youngjae knew how much those words carried venom, but it felt so right to say it all.

"No, it's not crazy or stupid or meaningless, because it is how I feel and I'm done with feeling sorry for myself because this society can't accept it!" Youngjae didn't expect such strong answer from the other, and his heart was waking up.

"So, you're trying to say that you're ready to tell everyone your feelings 'cause it's the right thing to do?"

"Yes, and more than that!" Before Youngjae could speak, Daehyun stood up, and started yelling. 

"I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN HERE, YOO YOUNGJAE, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT!" Everyone looked at him like he was crazy, some of them throw whistles around, others were confused, and few of them were booing. Everyone was reacting, except the three boys at his table who were siting with their mouths hanging low. Youngjae's eyes were glassy, not because Daehyun admitted his love out loud, but because he was once again weak for the raven-haired boy, and he hated himself for that. 

"See, I can tell everyone and convince you that I'm serious, and that—"

"Even your father?" Youngjae interrupted, catching the other being pale like the color drained from his body. Without any blinking Daehyun nodded. 

"I can.. I will!" The older of them took Youngjae's hand in his own, going too close to his face.

"Jae, I just need you to trust me. I know it's not easy or the most fulfilling thing right now, but just trust me and my feelings. I..." Daehyun stopped mid-sentence, trying to hold his quivering voice together.

"I love you more than anything, and I want to fight for this love. I want to have this chance with you knowing that I wouldn't do anything to ruin it. And if that means going against my father, so be it!" Youngjae looked deep in the other's eyes, seeing the sincerity so deeply engraved within them. But something inside of him wanted to scream, wanted to run away, so he did just that. 

Youngjae left the bar with long steps, leaving the three other boys behind. Daehyun jumped up after him, showing the couple to stay behind. When he exited the room, Youngjae was leaning on the wall beside the bar's window, waiting for the older.

"You know, you should stop running away from me..."

"Why now?" They stood in front of each other, their height difference barely visible.

"Why would you barge into my life now and mess everything?" Youngjae asked again.

"I.. I don't know..." Well, if Daehyun was anything, he was honest, Youngjae admitted that.

"I was scared to find you, scared to find you with someone else, scared that I lost my ways with you.. Afraid of seeing you happy without me.." Daehyun took deep breath, their eyes not leaving each other.

"I was a coward back then, wanting to please everyone and anyone, hurting the person I cared the most for... And for what - pleasing my father that wasn't there for me! I just needed time to understand your feelings, knowing that you couldn't possible be in love with me - a man, a stupid one to add. So after a couple of days I wanted to scream, wanted to go to you and hug you, but stupid weak man inside of me had a bigger pride than care for you, shutting me down."

"I know I can't blame anybody besides me for hurting you... the pain that I've caused you is far beyond the one I felt all those years, and I want to apologize, to redeem myself in any way possible, but I can't," Youngjae was crying by now, allowing those words to sink in. 

"I can't because whatever I say wouldn't be enough to bring us those years back, and everything I do wouldn't be suitable because you would still doubt me, hating me like back then on that Saturday night when I broke two hearts at the same time..." Daehyun picked Youngjae's hands in his own, with shiny eyes, full of responsibility and candor.

"My father is a serious man, only caring for his job and career, so much that he couldn't even see how much my mother was broken before she died.." Youngjae squeezed his hands on the last sentence, swallowing a big lump from his throat.

"And I know that everything I am today, I inherited from him, and that I hate something in that is a part of him. I wasn't fully ready to take care of you the way you deserve it, because of my selfishness, that I tried to change all the years without you.." This was the time for Daehyun to lower his head, swallowing back the tears.

"I don't want to lose you ever again. I don't care what everybody and nobody thinks, because you're the only one that matters.. And I know that this is not fair to you since I was practically engaged when we met again, but I plan to drop everything, to tell my father goodbye even and be with you. I don't care for her, for the company, for my father... I have you here, in a hand-reach and that is more than enough for me.. But..." Youngjae could hear the part when Daehyun said that he was practically engaged, but choose not to ask anything about that. For now. 

"I know that I wouldn't even come close to your ideal man, and that I wouldn't always be there for you, even though I would try my hardest to show you how much I love you, how fucking much I'm in love with you. So I just ask for one thing and one thing only!" Youngjae started to breathe shallowly, ready to take upon himself everything.

"One chance, one chance is what I need, to feel full again, to be able to breathe properly!" Daehyun asked, eyes full of fear and hope. This question was on thin ice, ready to bite Daehyun back, but he thought that it was now or never to have Youngjae in his life again. So he went for it, ready to drop everything just for Youngjae, the man that meant something out of this world for him, something he needed the most.

Youngjae was silent through the entire speech, sensing that it wasn't planned, and that Daehyun spoke right from his heart. Something inside of his shattered heart and worried mind yelled for him to run away, to move away and forget about the other for the rest of his life. But there was a small side of him that was somehow masochist, enjoying when Youngjae suffered. So with a deep breath, he finally spoke up.

"Okay."


	9. Chapter 09.

"Okay." 

It sounded so silent and yet so powerful in the hold of his mouth, barely there but still lifting him up. What was he doing, Youngjae couldn't know, didn't understand and didn't even try to think about. Nothing was better and more fulfilling than having a man of your dreams coming at you with the most radiating smile in the silent night, scooping you up and twirling around like a mad man, almost dropping you down.

Yes, Daehyun was a mad man, and nothing could prepare Youngjae for having this man in his arms, finally. But that's the part of every suffer that was sweet, blinding you with replacing sour taste with cotton candy, making you smile even without realizing it that something massive changed. 

And maybe, just maybe, it was all worthwhile.

***

"We have a problem!" Chaelin breathed out, sitting down on Youngjae's desk in the redaction. He eyed her carefully, picking up a file she dropped, not daring the open up the thick covers.

"Well..?"

"You remember that star's son that is behind the bars?" When Youngjae nodded, the pretty woman pushed her hair behind her ear, not meeting his eyes, "Well, that son is basically getting out of jail in two hours, and I have nothing left to write about it..." She almost slipped off from the table in that slim, legs-hugging skirt, her heels dangling by the side. 

"And, on top of that, I don't have enough journalists in this place that would cover that story, because you're all lazy bums just sitting there and wasting my―" She was starting to yell, when a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Isn't that my story, anyway? I could go and maybe get an interview with him? You know the exclusive one for the first page and all?" Youngjae laughed at her big, wide eyes full of hope, almost toppling over when she hugged him.

"Thank you, my young boy! You're a life-saver, for real, and you motherfuc—" Youngjae stopped her again when she turned around to yell at other staff, waving in front of her face to calm down. She exhaled again, patting him on his head like a proud mama hen, and pushed her lacquered stilettos out of his cubicle. 

"And, by the way, you still have to turn in that interview with Jung Daehyun.." _Shit! ___

__

__***_ _

__

__Youngjae was one of the best in his business. He knew all the tricks and ways to make someone to talk, whether it was a A-list star of South Korea or someone who just committed a serious crime and should be punished for that. But he just didn't care._ _

__He could get emotionally detached from his story, not seeing it as something he could stop or maybe interfere with. You see, when you spend your life fighting for something alone, there is slim to none chance that you could make a difference. And when you spend your time writing articles for Crime & Court section of newspaper, you encounter all kind of weird and out of normal things. _ _

__The first time he had to write about a young boy being killed after being kicked out of his house just because he came out to his parents as a bisexual, Youngjae cried for couple of hours, not even finding strength to explain his source of crying to Himchan through his sobs._ _

__He still remembered that day when he gathered all of his courage, and came out to his parents, with hopes and faith that they would understand, that they would love him no matter what, always keeping him safe even if he was just slightly different. And then getting a hard slap in face when his father pushed him through the front door of their house, not even bothering to check whether he had a jacket on or not. Not that a jacket could change anything in the situation, but Youngjae was devastated._ _

__He could only think about wanting to make everything better, yelling from his front porch that he was still their son, their blood and bone, nothing different about him. It was really nothing big, seriously, just the fact he liked boys and not girls like society had put it on him._ _

__And when he had to write an article about a boy approximately his age when he came out too, being killed because he needed the money for himself after having the almost same encounter with his parents, only added fuel to fire. If there wasn't Himchan and his mother back then, this destiny could've been Youngjae's too. He could've ended up selling drugs for much bigger sharks in the pool, or even his own body, just to provide for himself. And that thought alone could make him shudder in disgust._ _

__And thank Himchan and his family even more for just being there for him._ _

__So he took his stories seriously, because he could make a change, after all. Even if he tried to detach himself from the stories he was covering, they still made a difference. His pen and paper put somebody behind bars, and his wit cleared out cases that got stuck in one place._ _

__And with this new case, even some lawyers were depending on him. Because their work went to a certain extant, as Youngjae had enough time and resources to research it deeper and longer. He only hoped of doing the same for the lady that was killed in a hit-and-run accident, and that the real culprit—whether the famous son of the famous actor was it or not—was behind bars._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__Youngjae was among the first journalists to be in front of a court house, packing his pocket-sized recorder in one hand and a microphone in another. He was accompanied by his fellow colleague - Jaebum who was their team cameraman, assigned almost every time to Youngjae to go on to terrain for reports and interviews._ _

__The younger man was there with his over-sized camera, sitting on his shoulder, waiting to record everything that should be happening._ _

__"Is everything ready? The release is scheduled at half past 11, so in..." Youngjae turned around to look at the other man, and then checked his watch seeing the exact time, "twelve minutes." Jaebum nodded, picking up his camera better and standing just beside Youngjae, almost being scared to be here._ _

__"Hey, don't be nervous, everything is gonna be okay!" Youngjae patted him on the other, free shoulder, smiling sweetly at him. What he failed to see when he turned around was a tiny smile blossoming at the younger's face, matching his but carrying something greater within._ _

__"He's coming out, be ready, okay?" Youngjae whispered to him, not turning around and checking in the last moment that everything was alright with the equipment._ _

__The wooden doors to the court opened up, showing a group of man flocking around, guarding the main suspect from the eyes of the nations. Almost everyone burst out from their places, hurrying to catch upon their star's son and closing around his group of lawyers and bodyguards._ _

__"Go, go!" Youngjae yelled at Jaebum, pushing through other vultures like journalists, almost immediately taking a place near the main guy. Hey, he was one of those vultures, it's a known fact that journalists are a bottom of food chain, taking the remains of other, but they still did their job diligently. And Youngjae was feeling like himself the most when another story was being written from his pen, and another information was coming from his recorder._ _

__"Mr. Kim? Mr. Kim? What do you have to say now that you're out?" Youngjae pushed his recorder closer to the group, closing around his personal space._ _

__"Mr. Kim is not giving any statements, please step aside," His lawyer spoke up instead, pushing past Youngjae and his cameraman. But being the best in his branch, he wasn't giving up that easily._ _

__"Mr. Kim, your father said in the interview that you're innocent, what do you have to say about that?" He tried again, pushing past the group that sheltered him in._ _

__"Please, respect Mr. Kim's wishes, and step aside!" The lawyer was stern, almost pushing him down, but Youngjae stood his ground._ _

__"Mr. Kim Senior also said that he doesn't know how this would end, but still made sure to say that you're innocent. Where is that resentment that was between you two that was clearly there last year at his movie premiere?" This made Mr. Kim only glance at Youngjae, obviously insulted and stricken._ _

__"And you even said in the last year's interview that you didn't have a good relationship with your father, but now he's there to protect you, giving all these heartbreaking interviews of his only son being innocent?" Youngjae was pass his press code, but needed something in return from the spoiled idol._ _

__This time, the man stopped in his track, looking directly in Youngjae's eyes, all pissed and serious. Just a bit more..._ _

__"Does this reconciliation has to do with the fatherly love that was misplaced all these years, or is it about your gay scandal that came out at the beginning of this year?" He had his recorder close to the other's face, just a breath away from his lips, not even minding the stares other journalists had piercing at him, or flinch of his cameraman Jaebum at his question. He had finally irked a nerve and attention of the idol that went bad, taking his chance to the end._ _

__But as soon as those eyes fell on him, irritated and twitching, Mr. Kim was gone, taking his leave and climbing up in his van that waited in front of the court._ _

__"No further question!" His lawyer practically yelled in his face, turning around and following his client to his car, both cars driving off from the scene._ _

__He stopped recording, seeing it as nothing good to use for next article, already seeing the disappointment in Chaelin's eyes that they lost their front page story that was at hand reach, and turning around to Jaebum._ _

__Everyone started packing, as he helped Jaebum to pack his camera too in his own car, patting him on the back for job well done. The younger was so scared and restless that even though they practically didn't have anything new, he was still having Youngjae's back like a champ. And Youngjae needed to pester him a bit longer._ _

__"Well, I think we don't know the whole story about Kim Jaejoong just yet..." Youngjae sighed, picking up his stuff and bidding goodbye to Jaebum._ _

__Little did he know that he had caught someone's attention already._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__"I'm here to see Mr. Jung, please." Youngjae finished his other interview, thinking about going and finishing one that he dropped few weeks before when that little encounter after all those years happened. He picked on his nails nervously, following Daehyun's secretary to his office, out of habit._ _

__Sure, he agreed to give the older just one more chance, out of the blue, really. But it didn't mean that he was okay with being alone with the man just yet. They still had a lot of problems to talk about, a lot of mess to take care of as well as a lot of misunderstanding to clear out._ _

__So he took his chance, seeing all this as a beginning of something. Something that could either turn out really badly and ruin him even more, or really good and make him happy that he was courageous once again._ _

__Daehyun had a grand power over him, and the man didn't even realize it._ _

__"Jae, it's so good to see you," Daehyun answered his door after two knocks from the younger, after his secretary informed him that certain journalist was back in his building._ _

__"Hi, Mr. Jung," Youngjae smiled professionally, having mastered this uptight smile over the years of having to speak and interview all different rounds of people. His cheeks did gather a bit of color when Daehyun stood up to greet him properly with a kiss on his cheek._ _

__The older didn't want to test his chances, knowing that having only one chance with the man of his dreams meant that moody Youngjae could come out anytime and break off their little deal. So Daehyun was careful, wanting to ease the younger in all of this, encouraging him silently to take the next step alone, and not being the overwhelmed type like he wanted to be._ _

__"Okay, so we're doing business today, I see," Daehyun chuckled, stepping back behind his desk, and motioning for Youngjae to take a seat too. With a courtesy nod, he sat down as well._ _

__"Exactly that, Mr. Jung. And with that thought, let's finish that interview that we didn't have the chance to complete." Youngjae picked up his bag, searching for his recorder between his messy things a little bit longer than necessary._ _

__He might've seemed all calm and composed, but his insides were burning along his nervous stomach that just had to release swarms of butterflies under his skin. He cleared his throat, finally looking up to the man, with a recording device back in his hands._ _

__When he locked his eyes with Daehyun, his heart skipped a beat. Daehyun was looking at him like he was the Moon and he was ignoring all the stars that were dozen times prettier. Those brown orbs still bored in his own with such intensity, that his lungs were kicked out of any trace of breath. Those plump lips stretched in a teasing smirk, showing but a bit of his pearly-white teeth, that he had a chance to taste when they kissed back in that alley._ _

__He couldn't even see anything else - like his black hair pulled back all professionally, or an earing dangling from his ear, not even a little tint of pink praising his full cheeks - only getting lost in dark almond irises drowning him deeply._ _

__When Daehyun cleared his throat, picking some imaginary dust off his pristine suit, did Youngjae dare to speak. He was nervous, too._ _

__"Right... T-The first question is - following the news about your company merging with Song Inc. from China, and branching in Japan, what could your company offer better with the new opportunities opening up?" Daehyun was still smirking, even scoffing playfully at his professional stance. This serious looking man in front wasn't his Youngjae that would pull at his finger when they used to lazy around his house, doing nothing, and then burst out laughing when Daehyun tackled him down._ _

__No, this was a totally different persona, that Daehyun still had to get to know. He could see some of old Youngjae inside, breaking to get out, like right now, when Youngjae squirmed in his chair, fighting a smile back. But Daehyun couldn't wait to get to know this man better, already thinking about all those qualities that he missed so much over the years, beyond happy that he had them back. In just a hand reach._ _

__This was a slightly different Youngjae, but he still loved him nonetheless._ _

__"Right, well, my company JD Entertainment is branching in Japan because of a better quality market, that is having just rightly priced stocks that our company could use well. And speaking of Song Inc., we're going international, seeing this as a good opportunity to merge two very successful business partners into one," Daehyun chuckled at his wide eyes, as Youngjae couldn't even comprehend how much this boy changed into a man._ _

__Daehyun might as well didn't become a doctor, but he has become a good businessman, already grabbing to the top of their nation's positions. And Youngjae wasn't just a bit turned on right now._ _

__"And to answer your question, I think my company could make new job openings with this branching, additionally making new business partners in Japan as much as China. Of course, our main priority is to maintain the name and success JD Ent. already has, but also distributing our talents not only in South Korea but also within the world." Daehyun leaned down on the desk in front, taking his head in his hands, laughing at Youngjae who was fumbling with his recorder._ _

__"Right, that does answer my question." Youngjae whispered, searching his papers for another question._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__They went like that for another hour. Ten questions later, Youngjae was burning in burgundy red, hiding his face behind his blond fringe, and taking small breaths to calm himself down. He approached to this interview like a professional, never breaking his character, and never allowing Daehyun to step out of the line._ _

__Besides, his recorder was turned on the whole time, and knowing that someone else could take it and also hear all those insinuating jokes Daehyun could've thrown in, Youngjae didn't want to die from embarrassment._ _

__"And I have final last question, before letting you go..." Youngjae stopped smiling altogether, focusing on letters that danced on the paper like they mocked him with their perfect writing and black ink just stomped there. He took a deep breath, clearing his throat a couple of times and finding a better position in his leather chair. Daehyun could see the commutation, following his every step with concerned eyes._ _

__"Jae, is everything―?"_ _

__"Last question for Mr. Jung would be - When are you planning to marry the heir of Song Inc., Victoria Song?"_ _

__This was it, he could feel all of his strength leaving his body, making it hard for him to breathe, or even collect his thoughts. This was the dreaded question for both of them, no doubts of that, but Youngjae had to ask that too, seeing it as something the nation wanted to know the most._ _

__Everyone almost freaked out when they announced that JD Ent. was merging with one of the greatest companies of China, as a leader in a much bigger and more successful market. And people really lost it when it was added that their most loved bachelor, Jung Daehyun, was getting married to no other but most known heir and basically apple of everyone's eyes in China, Victoria Song._ _

__How did Youngjae miss that part of the information back when the news of every TV station talked about the biggest engagement, and columns of papers were filled with nothing but that for quite some time, he didn't know. But it could've got handy in preparing for this and let alone meeting Daehyun again._ _

__"W-Well―" Daehyun cleared his throat, standing up from his seat, and walking around his desk to sit on it instead, just in front of Youngjae. The recorder filmed everything and if anyone else would take it and listen their conversation, they would think that the groom was nervous because of the upcoming wedding, but things were a bit different._ _

__Daehyun was nervous because of Youngjae. Of having this man before him, asking that question, that final question that could determine their whole future relationship. The man of his dreams and the only person ever to have his heart was putting him on the line, boring into his eyes with two curios and fearful ones._ _

__"As a matter of fact, the wedding has not been scheduled yet..." Youngjae could hear that he was talking like this ceremony was one of his meetings, too impatient to just finish it._ _

__"For both me and the― um... bride have been extremely busy with out respective works and schedules, and..." He was staring back at Youngjae, who instead bit his lower lip out of unexpectedness, making the flesh white around the edges, "And, therefore, I can't give you any more information!" Daehyun finished his answer, nodding along Youngjae who picked up his recorder from the table, and turned it off._ _

__"Was that good enough?" Daehyun asked the other scared, standing up from the table. But before he could do that, Youngjae could see his knuckles turning white from gripping the edge of desk too hard. He just nodded at his question, picking up his bag and putting everything back in._ _

__"Jae..." Daehyun started again, but Youngjae stopped him._ _

__"It was nice to have this talk with you, and don't worry, I won't alter your answers much." Youngjae shook his hand, turning around with the intention to leave before he could burst out in tears, keeping the interview professional until the end._ _

__But once he turned around, his steps haltered just one move from the door, having Daehyun tightly pressed at his back. The older hurried to stop him, throwing his hands around the other's torso, caging him in his embrace without much fuss and noise._ _

__"Please say something else..." He pleaded at his neck, lips ghosting over his nape ever so slightly. Youngjae wanted to cry, wanted to scream at the top of his lungs that it wasn't fair, nothing was fair in his life, but he couldn't. His heart was just starting to patch up, and he couldn't withstand another whiplash at it._ _

__"I'm-I'm sorry you had to ask that, to think about that, and to go through this right now, but―" Daehyun kissed his nape slowly, lips lingering too long, "I made a promise to you, and I don't plan to break it!" The hands around his body only tightened, almost making him out of breath. He shivered in the other's hold, that only intensified the dancing of ants beneath his skin, and leap of his heart in his rib-cage._ _

__"I really hope for that..." Youngjae whispered, and before he could ask anything else, Daehyun spun him around, not even giving him chance to escape. Those strong arms were back around him, with exception of one colossal hand that was planted at his burning cheek, wiping away tears with its thumb. When did he even start crying?_ _

__"I promise that I will do anything and everything to be here for you, to have you in my arms after I prove to you and myself also, that I'm worthy of being the best I could be for you.." Daehyun leaned in, pecking his forehead lightly. Youngjae closed his eyes at the contact, allowing the unshed tears to stream down his face._ _

__"I love you, Youngjae, don't ever doubt that, and please don't―" But before he could finish, his secretary beeped in, making them both back away from each other, both already missing the warmth of the other. Youngjae wiped his cheeks, as Daehyun gathered his suit back in the pristine state as it was before._ _

__Neither even listened to his secretary that announced that Daehyun had a visitor, leaving them both speechless when someone knocked on a door, and walked in without permission._ _

__"Daehyunnie, honey, where are you?"_ _


	10. Chapter 10.

"So you're trying to say that his girlfriend—"

"Fiancée," Youngjae corrected his best friend with a calm expression on his face. 

"Fian— Whatever, showed up in the middle of your interview?" Youngjae only nodded, closing his eyes. 

He was back at their flat, already taking care of the interview with Daehyun that should've been published two weeks ago, but being postponed because of Youngjae's feelings and just inner turmoil that happened upon meeting his long lost love. 

And Chaelin was reasonable enough to give him another deadline, but warning that this was it. The great engagement between the two heirs of well-known Asian companies was still all the two nations ever talked about, in the spotlight of every respected TV station and every gossip or non-gossip media. And therefore, his newspapers got through mud and thorns to get the exclusive interview with the bachelor. 

It was the best to just keep it together for a bit longer, and when that interview is printed, leave that part and story behind. 

Youngjae was not sure whether forgetting about Daehyun being engaged would also bring him to forget about Daehyun himself, but he was willing to try to make this work. 

No matter how sick he felt every time when the man's fiancée meddled in his mind. 

"And what did you do?"

"What could I do?" Youngjae opened up his eyes to glare at his best friend, although the man was there for him to thick and thin, actually being mad at himself. 

"I ran." 

"You ran?"

"Yeah, I ran away," Youngjae stood up from the couch, getting to the kitchen for a quick meal, "I picked up my stuff, and just left."

"Without saying goodbye or even being introduced to the girl—"

"His fiancée!" Youngjae corrected again, opening their fridge only to find nothing for his current cravings. 

"Stop saying that word!" Himchan was behind him in matter of moments, taking the leftovers of fried rice from the fridge instead, heating it up in the microwave. 

"Why not? She is that, right? She has the ring that I won't ever get. And besides—"

"But Daehyun loves you, doesn't he?" The microwave was the only sound in the kitchen, buzzing to stop Youngjae from crumbling down in front of his best friend again. Himchan was a drama queen, for sure, but collecting pieces of Youngjae's heart twice in a week was too much for him. Or so Youngjae thought. 

"I— It doesn't matter. They are still engaged.." Even he could hear the despair in his voice, coughing out loudly to get that lump out of his throat. 

"Jae," Himchan's hands were on his shoulders in seconds, pushing his head up to meet the elder's eyes, "Are you in love with him?"

Am I? 

Of course, I am. More than anything in this world.

"Yes..." It was so silent and broken, like Youngjae was afraid of confirming it for himself too. And saying it out loud was tremendous. 

"Then fight for this love!" And he did not see that coming.

"You've spent your whole adult life moping around for a boy that was too arrogant and blind to see what he had always had beside him." Himchan squeezed his shoulders, reminding Youngjae to listen. And to listen closely. 

"And then the horse without a prince riding him, comes back, in his glory with big ass company on his name and some drop-dead gorgeous suits, and he wants you. He wants Youngjae who was there all these years, sobbing into fabulous Himchan's shoulder—" Youngjae smiled through the tears. 

"—And finally takes actions on his lost, given up feelings. In all that glory to finally begin something that could last a life, what does our dear Jae do?" When the only thing that the younger did was lower his head in shame, Himchan continued. 

"He refuses the man of his dreams, the only man he's ever loved. The only man that had gotten power over him all these years ago and still has. And he turns him down, saying that his little girlfriend is standing in the way of his eternal happiness with someone who is genuinely trying. Sure, the asshole still hasn't left her tushy behind, but he's trying.."

"I—" But the microwave beeped done, breaking off Youngjae's words, and allowing Himchan to continue.

"Don't make any excuses! You know damn well that you've been telling all these years how if the devil himself was here—"

"His name is Dae—"

"If the devil himself was here that you would do anything to have him in your life again. And what do you do?"

"We both know that I got nothing—"

"You mop around some more, blaming your bad luck or bad karma or bad juju, or some other witch's crap for having zero balls to go and fight for what's yours."

"But I—"

"Don't interrupt mama Chan!" Himchan was so up in his face that Youngjae could count all the splashes of green in his brown irises. 

"So don't make any more excuses, and man up! You know damn fucking well that you're better than all those people wanting to get in Daehyun's panties—"

"You said his name—" Youngjae beamed through another set of tears, but this time because of having Himchan in his back like all of his life. 

"And that sock of an asshole wants only you—"

"That's a new one..."

"And nobody else but you." Himchan turned serious in matter of moments, looking deeply in Youngjae's eyes. "Jae, you need to understand and finally get it in that thick skull of yours that you're nothing short of perfect! Of stunning and absolutely amazing to have in life. And that belittling yourself would only make you unhappy further more, with keeping you locked in one place. In a place where you'd say yourself that it's okay that you've lost someone again, just because you didn't want to fight for them."

"I know.." Youngjae lowered his head on the elder's shoulder, gasping for air at another set of emotions bustling his lithe frame. 

"So listen to me, please. And be finally happy with what you want and crave for. Fight for this. Fight for him and your happiness. But only if that's what you want and if Daehyun is the only one making you happy."

"He used to.." Youngjae started out slowly, siting down on the kitchen island instead, tears prickling the edge of his red eyes, but still not spilling. "And he still does... I get lost in the way he looks at me.. And the way his right corner lifts up in a smirk before he breaks in one of his heart-stopping smiles.." Himchan stayed quiet, taking the rice out of the microwave and putting it between them on the counter. 

"And his arms.. Goddamn, his arms. They still hug the same.." Youngjae was too lost in his thoughts to see the proud Himchan's smile at the other end of the table. 

"Have I ever told you how much he makes me nervous.. But not bad nervous, when you want to poop or vomit—"

"TMI!"

"But the good one..." But Youngjae was too deep in his haze to hear him, "When you want to kiss every part of his face just because he is there, with you, making you happy. Or when you watch every change in his expression, whether his eyes twinkle on a certain word, or his nose scrunch up when he smiles.."

"And he's..." But Youngjae didn't know how to finish. He was struck suddenly at the realization. He was utterly and completely in love with Daehyun. No, scratch that, he knew that he was in love with the man, realizing it far long before he confessed to the said boy that Saturday night at the party, but now.. Now, he was certain. 

"I love him! I love him, Chanie.. I love him.." And he's trembling again, gushing out his emotions that are too overwhelmed, trying to stop sobs from leaving his body with a hand tightly pressed on his mouth. 

"Shh! I'm here, Jae. I'm here, I'm here. Please calm down. Breathe!" But Himchan couldn't stop him now, couldn't understand the emotions that made Youngjae numb with everything that collided, making him dizzy from realization. 

It was enough for Himchan to finally get it through his head, and it was more than enough for Youngjae to make the decision. 

He would fight for his love, and he would fight for Daehyun.

***

"Jae, I really wanted to talk to you,"

Youngjae came down from his panic about twenty minutes later. He was drained with crying, but not necessary sad crying, only the helpless one, where the heart spoke up for him. 

He crashed the bed earlier, just laying there for about half an hour and thinking through everything that Himchan said. Speaking of the older, he had another date with his boyfriend Yongguk, double checking with Youngjae if he was okay to leave him alone, after what happened. 

And then blushing double the amount when Youngjae picked up some condoms and a bottle of lube from their collection in the bathroom, throwing it all at the older. It was Himchan's collection though, but they still counted it as a share deal, with Youngjae having the permission to use it whenever. Not that he needed it that often, but still. 

So he was left alone on a Friday night, going through Himchan's speech, and unknowingly dialing Daehyun's number. When the familiar voice answered, did his heart jumped to his stomach. 

"I wanted to explain everything from today and apologize for her getting there and—" 

"Do you want to meet up?" Why was he dying to see him, like a fangirling teenage girl, wanting to see her crush so badly. 

"Of course, Jae! Whatever you want." And even Daehyun's voice sounded cheerier in a moment. 

"Great, let's meet up at my flat. We can go someplace from there.. The address is..." 

What were you doing, Youngjae? What were you doing...

***

And really, Daehyun was there at the address faster than Youngjae could get out of his pajamas, changing into some more well-put, choosing some dark pants that Himchan bought specially for his 'jiggly butt to point out more' and a simple white shirt on top. 

His heart was pounding in his chest, trying to get out while Youngjae took one last look of his attire for the evening, slowly going to the front door. When Daehyun ringed the bell a couple of times more, did Youngjae gather his courage, opening up. 

"Hi.."

"Jae.. Hey, I brought wine.." Daehyun was there in all of his glory, with thick, black hair laying in a messy nest on his head, cotton shirt going from his neck to the middle of his thighs, those thick legs covered in light-blue jeans. And Youngjae was drooling. But he composed himself quickly, taking the bottle out of the elder's hands, going around to place it in the freezer. He turned around just as Daehyun stood in the door frame looking at his body. 

Was he just checking him out?

"You look... Wow..."

"Um, thank you?" Youngjae counted steps to the other, thinking about something, anything to do, as a greeting. And seeing those plump lips coated with saliva was too much for him. So he leaned in, pecking Daehyun's cheek instead. 

"Hi!"

"Hi!" 

***

It didn't take much for them to slip into the comfortable chatter, with both of them sitting Indian style on Youngjae's sofa. And it took even less to slip into their routine that they had in college. 

With Daehyun pouring them both a glass of wine, trying to read the French label, and failing hilariously, and Youngjae picking out the movie for them to watch and choosing a horror as always. 

"I swear, I was always afraid of you and your movie taste," Daehyun chuckled, going up to turn off the lights, and jogging back to the couch when the opening credits rolled in. 

"Oh, shut up! You loved every movie we ever watched.."

"I loved them only because you loved them.. And because I loved you.." And there were the butterflies again. 

"Dae.."

"Jae.."

"L-Let's just enjoy in the movie, okay?" When Youngjae chickened out from talk about their feelings, Daehyun pouted, grabbing his wine as well as Youngjae's, chugging it down bottoms up. And with another full glass in their hands, their unexpected and not planned movie-night begun. 

The movie turned out to be mildly scary, with a few jump scares that Youngjae got used to over the years of being a hardcore fan of horror movies. There was even a monster as well, chopping off an arm of one of the minor characters. Not a biggie. 

But Daehyun was there by him, shivering and biting down on the couch pillow from fright. He really tried to stay composed, and enjoy in this, truly acting like an adult male who did not have a fear of beheaded monsters and chainsaws. But Youngjae could see it through his mask all too well. 

"Come here, you big baby.." The younger pulled his head down on his left shoulder, hugging Daehyun to his chest with one hand draped around his shoulders, the second finding its purpose on the elder's cheek. He didn't even comprehend what he has done, when Daehyun looked up, catching him off guard. 

"Jae.."

"It's nothing. It's just for comfort.." Youngjae sighed out, really mentally praying that the other couldn't hear his overly-beating heart, but huffing out a small breath of relief when Daehyun nodded, turning to the TV once again. 

One particular gore scene got Daehyun all tightening in his arms, his breath coming out as a small mewl. Youngjae chuckled at his reaction, threading his fingers absentmindedly through Daehyun's dark locks, feeling their soft texture with his colossal fingers. 

Daehyun didn't say anything, trying to relax into a feeling of someone patting his hair, but quickly yelped when another victim died in a mere repulsive way. This action made him grab Youngjae's left thigh with his left hand, his long fingers slipping between the younger's legs, curling at the sensitive skin of his inner-thigh. 

Now, Youngjae was more than alert. 

But he let him go there, with the hand so close to his crotch, making his hot and bothered. The elder didn't even realize what he was doing, eyes glued to the screen, squeezing the jeans-clothed thigh with every jump-scare scene. And it was more than enough for Youngjae to suppress down a moan. 

"Dae.."

"Don't go there, don't go there.." The older repeated as mantra as the main character went through the maze, going around only to find more darkness. 

"Dae.." Youngjae's eyes were hooded by now, not even realizing that the movie was being played in the background, only seeing, smelling and feeling Daehyun. 

"Oh, Jae. She's gonna get killed.." And he squeezed again, like he knew what kind of effect he had on the younger, totally making him all bothered. 

But Youngjae knew that it was too soon for him to feel like this, to be ready to jump on Daehyun and rip his clothes off. So he bit around his lower lip, making it white around the edges, trying to focus on the screen. 

His hand was still in Daehyun's hair, but still, just cupping his head. And the elder's hand moved upwards, going closer and closer to his manhood, with only one finger grazing the bulge that was already forming in his boxers. 

Oh, how he wanted to scream for more. 

Let's face it, it has been a long time since he was touched like this, craved for someone to wreck him and make him scream. But wanting that with Daehyun, with the man that was the only fuel to his wet dreams and all those late night self-pleasuring, Youngjae was gone.

"Dae.."

"Um?" Daehyun asked, not tearing his eyes off the screen and totally hiding his left curl of his lips in a small smirk, wanting to see how much more Youngjae could take. 

"N-Nothing. Do you want something to eat or drink or—" Youngjae pried off the other, getting up and basically running down to the kitchen. He could hear Daehyun yelling after him to come back, that he didn't need anything, but the blood rushed to his ears, making him blush profusely. 

He ignored the pleads of the other, going around the kitchen for a bathroom, clicking it shut, and locking the door just in case. His face was crimson red, with sweat gathering at his hair-line and gliding down his temples. He was fucked. 

Not literally, but oh, how he wished, but in other ways, the ways that pushed his cock to sprung free when he unzipped his pants. He was far gone to care for anything else, for elder's voice that came from other side of the door, intensifying as the steps clicked on the wooden flooring closer to the bathroom, but still in control not to touch himself. 

"Jae, are you alright?" Came the muffled voice through the door, followed by a loud knock, startling him into almost falling down with his pants around his ankles. 

"E-Everything is f-fine, go back.. Go back to the movie, I'll-I'll be out in a minute.." Or ten, since his cock was still standing tall and proud, curved on his stomach.

"Jae, is something bothering you? Do you need to get something off your chest?" Daehyun sounded serious, almost frightened at the other end. Well, at least before the next question, "Is something hard for you?"

It's actually because of you, asshole.

"What- Wait? Can you see me?" Great, just great, Youngjae thought, splashing some cold water on his manhood, picking up his pants from the floor, not even bothering to zip them closed. 

"Of course not, Jae.. But I could've felt it back there, and let's just say—"

"Say what?" Youngjae was out of his mind when he opened up the door, standing there all sweaty and blotched red in his face, finding smirking Daehyun leaning on the door frame. 

"That I could help you with.." And he eyes traveled down the younger's frame shamelessly, racking down to his pants, pointing at the tent still rising, and better seen since Youngjae didn't button his pants up, "That!"

That was all that Youngjae needed, pushing Daehyun back to his couch, straddling him with his strong thighs on each side of other's lap as soon as they tumbled down. 

"You're not good for my health, Yoo Youngjae," Daehyun's hands were on his hips, holding him tight on his lap, eyes still taking in Youngjae's form. 

"Kiss me.." Youngjae whispered, and almost lost it when Daehyun leaned in, taking him by surprise. 

There were teeth clashing, tongue lapping at each other, trying to map out every part of the other's mouth. Youngjae's hands were back in Daehyun's hair, pulling at the roots, making the elder groan at the feeling. 

And the elder tried to touch every part of Youngjae, his hands holding his hips, going around his sides, and up to his shoulder blades. His rough hands pushed Youngjae closer by the small of his back, arching his back to the front of Daehyun's body, almost snapping him in two. 

"We shouldn't.. Ah! Dae!" Youngjae tried, oh how he tried. But Daehyun tasted so good, so addicting, and a roll of his hips made Youngjae dizzy. 

Youngjae got a chance to breathe when the lips closed around his jaw line, sucking and nipping at the skin, going down to his throat. Daehyun didn't even need to know what the younger liked and wanted, trying to lick and tease everything his tongue could find. Plump lips sucked under his Adam's apple, licking the dip between his collarbones, going for them next. 

All that he could do was gaps and moan as he pushed Daehyun closer to bite his collarbones, his hands still tangled in onyx hair. 

"How c-can you taste so, so good.." It wasn't a question, it was a mere amazement as Daehyun pushed Youngjae down to his lap, creating the sweetest friction between their members. 

The elder was hard as well, pushing him closer and closer, with nothing but despised clothes between their bodies, but those were off fast, with Daehyun practically ripping the younger's shirt off. 

Youngjae moaned as the elder flipped them over, pushing him down on the couch's cushions, settling between his legs. 

"Tell me to stop, Jae. Please tell me to stop.." He was whispering at Youngjae's ear shell, taking it between his teeth, tugging forward. 

"Dae," Youngjae could only buckle his hips, moaning breathlessly at the feeling as Daehyun took him apart. 

"Tell me to stop.." 

"We don't need to go all the way.." That made Daehyun stop with sucking another mark into Youngjae's neck, ignoring his whimper of disappointment. 

"But we need to take care of this.." And he was back again, pulling Youngjae's pants just enough for his manhood to slip out, taking it in his warm hand. 

"Ah! Dae!" Youngjae threw his head back in sheer pleasure that shot goosebumps along his spine as the elder spit in his hand, taking a hold of him at the thick prick. He exposed his neck in the process, as Daehyun didn't even bat an eye, already sucking on the unblemished skin, leaving open-mouth kisses along the expanse of red skin, going down to his chest. With a tip of a tongue making his pink buds erect, Youngjae buckled up. 

"Dae.. I'm close.. Ah!" Youngjae pulled him closer, breathing out short breaths on the elder's lips, Daehyun never stopping his pumping at the base. He brought his thumb over the slit, blunt nail scrapping the sensitive skin, picking up the pre-cum that gathered. 

"Wait, wait.." And Daehyun was frightened in a second, fearing that Youngjae changed his mind. But the younger pushed him off to sit down instead, straddling his thighs once again. 

He wasted no time in unzipping Daehyun's pants as well, seeing the wet patch on his blue boxers, and mentally beaming that he had the same effect on the elder as well. His cock sprung open, hanging in the mid air between his lap and navel, too thick and heavy to curve all the way. 

Oh, how much he wanted to feel that in his mouth, making him gag as Daehyun's deep throated him, or having that thick prick tearing his insides apart, making the pain sweet as he adjusted on it, moaning as those hips worked in deeper and harder inside of him. 

But his mind knew better, realizing that the elder probably haven't even slept with a man before, so this would do for now. 

At the thought of Daehyun's thrusting into his inviting heat, a couple of beads of pre-cum prickled up, making his cock throb. And Daehyun felt that, smirking at the bulging eyes of the younger's eyes when his cock got out of his boxers, taking both of the shaft in his large hand. 

The slide was slicked with pre-cum and sweat as Daehyun jerked them both in the same time, his hand closing around them oh, so well. Youngjae's mind was cotton candy by now, not even realizing how loud and needy he was, only wanting those hands all over his body. 

He needed his lips back on his own, taking his breath away, making his mind hazy. So he leaned in, taking hold of Daehyun's neck, kissing him furiously and angrily, sucking at his lips, fighting for dominance and nipping at his bottom lip. When Youngjae took the lip between his teeth, pulling it forward, did Daehyun buckle up in his hand, the mushroom heads chafing on each others, getting caught in the moment of pure bliss. 

Youngjae was so close, feeling the heat pooling in his stomach, making him arch his back into Daehyun, as well as taking a hold of both of their cocks still being tightly pressed between Daehyun's hand, helping him with pumping. 

"I'm so-so close.." Youngjae moaned out, opening his eyes to look at the elder, finding his eyes already on him. 

"Come! Come for me, Jae.." Daehyun had raw emotions spilling from his expression, making Youngjae suddenly totally aware of their positions, of their situation, but Daehyun shut that out. 

"You're so beautiful, so stunning.." And it was enough for a flick of the elder's wrist to make Youngjae buckle up, releasing all of his load over the hands, screaming his lungs out. His vision was white, as he came down form his high, the elder still pumping them together. Daehyun could only see his face, and nothing else mattered in those few moments when he pumped faster, impatiently, needier, as he spilled over too, creating even bigger mess on both of their clothes. 

But he pumped softer, milking them both out, only seeing Youngjae. And nothing mattered as the younger looked down to him, meek smile plastered on his face, reserved only for Daehyun himself. 

"I love you, I love you so much.." 

And they were kissing again, with that lump in Youngjae's throat forming at the sudden confession, making him in total surrender to the other, giving himself completely to the man that could make him beg or crawl after him if he wanted. 

"I— Want to say so much more to you, to finally show you how much you mean to me.."

"Shh! Jae, you don't have to say it now.. I know, I know.."

"Dae," And he was crying again.

"Jae, don't cry! Please, I'm not worth it!" Daehyun wiped his hand on his shirt, pushing Youngjae's face down to face him with a hold on his chin, heart trembling at the sight of the younger's tears. "I want to make sure that I'm the right one for you, I want to be the best I can be, for you! I love you more than anything Jae, please, just don't cry for me.."

"I want you, I want everything with you.. I love you, Jung Daehyun! So, so much! And I want to fight for this, with whoever needed.." The smile that blossomed on the elder's face was brighter than any before, his eyes twinkling under the light from the TV as the younger surprised him with a confession, making his chest swell tightly. 

"Jae... Jae.." He was clashed to the strong chest, hearing Daehyun's fast beating heart, as the other whimpered in his crown, swallowing back tears that overwhelmed him. 

But before he could say anything in return, his phone ringed from his pocket as Youngjae recognized the ringtone set for his boss. Daehyun was still shaking when Youngjae opened up the message, realizing that in fact it was from Chaelin, but what he read made him shudder. 

"Jae, what's wrong?" When the younger stiffened on his lap, did Daehyun ask, but stayed silent when he read the message as well. 

From: TheBoss  
Youngjae, we have a  
serious problem! Call me   
ASAP! -Chaelin


	11. Chapter 11.

It was a pleasant morning, this one.

If you asked Daehyun of course, it was such a turmoil and lack of sleep clearly showed on his face. Bags under his eyes and droopy eyes weren't something that was a part of his usual fashion, but this time he could let it slide.

"Good morning, Sir. I have your appointments for today," He was greeted by his secretary, the woman standing up from her desk and following him to his office. "There's one o'clock Board meeting about the next step in the breaching, since Japan called this morning—"

"Please, transfer that for tomorrow, I'm not in the mood for Japanese today," She chuckled after his answer, already typing in her tablet the change.

"Then should I change that four o'clock meeting with the CFO to tomorrow as well?" Daehyun only nodded, taking the schedule from her and glancing at the date after tomorrow as well. "And clear everything else for today, please, I'm taking some hours off."

"Of course- and Sir? You have a visitor in your office," She turned on her heel, going back to her desk, leaving a very dumb-founded and excited Daehyun in front of his office. Maybe Youngjae wanted to see him after what happened yesterday. On the memory of what they did and what the younger had said to him, goosebumps started forming along his skin. 

So he turned the knob down, practically bouncing on his feet to see if Youngjae was indeed waiting for him. 

And then sighing in disappointment. 

"Long time no see, my friend."

"Guk, hey man." 

Daehyun closed the door to his office, stepping inside to properly greet his best friend who patted him on the back as a hello.

"I thought that maybe the Earth swallowed you up and spit you out somewhere on the other side of the Universe," Yongguk chuckled, sitting down on the armchair for guests, smiling broadly at the man that took the seat opposite of him. "Or that maybe Youngjae chained you down in his basement, using you as a toy for all of those years while he was sexually deprived," 

This time even Daehyun chuckled, remembering the previous night with the man himself. "Well, we're not talking about my sex life this early in the morning, thank you very much. And obviously not before my morning coffee," Yongguk nodded too, confirming with Daehyun to order him a cup of coffee as well, when he buzzed his secretary through the intercom. 

"So, what's up?" 

Daehyun leaned back in his armchair, taking a deep breath and thinking of everything that has happened. Youngjae confessed his love last night, and it really took a big part of him to say all of that, and even after all of the things that Daehyun pushed him through. 

"Not much," Daehyun shrugged instead, covering his face with both hands when the smile broke through, and actually giggled out of excitement. 

"Man, if I ever thought that I would be lucky enough to see the big bad Jung Daehyun giggling like a schoolgirl in love, I would've probably brought my camera with me today to capture it all." Yongguk stood up to pat him on the shoulder, beaming at how happy his friend was being.

"You have no idea! It's like- like- I can't even describe," Daehyun collected himself enough to see his secretary dropping two cups of coffee on the table, before leaving them alone once again. 

"I want this to last, I really do, but—"

"You don't know how..." Yongguk finished up for him, both of them getting caught in their thoughts, watching as the cups steamed in the thin air. 

"It's not like I regret or even mull over everything, trust me!" Daehyun was the first one to start, "It's just that I don't know if I'm good enough... If I can promise to myself and to him that I wouldn't hurt him ever again,"

"Nobody can promise that, man. Even if you know each inside and out, there could be times when somebody says or does something to piss the other off, and that's normal for a serious relationship. There's no manual on how to be responsible and reasonable enough for someone. It's just love.. And you built everything up from there.." Yongguk sipped his coffee slowly, getting in his papa-Guk mode, and totally making Daehyun break out in another smile, calmer this time.

"Look at you; one serious relationship and you're like the love master," Yongguk started laughing out loud on that, but still listening to Daehyun teasing him some more, "The God of romance, Houdini of relationships, King Kong of poetry—"

"Okay, now you're overreacting," 

"Okay, okay. But you have to admit that what you just said, was deep as hell," 

Both of them started laughing again, calming down after couple of minutes. Daehyun missed this, just hanging out with his best friend, just the two of them, gossiping about everything that was happening in their individuals lives. 

It was tough to hang out that often, with both of them having serious jobs and a lot of responsibilities to take care of. But it was always welcoming to get away from all that glorious life his position offered, and just enjoy a simple talk about feelings and stuff. And speaking of those...

"What's happening with you then, huh? I see that you're glowing like a pregnant woman 'cause of that lover boy of yours," Daehyun took his coffee, taking a full swing and enjoying a warm liquid sliding down his throat.

"I'm... happy." It was simple, short and totally Yongguk. But Daehyun couldn't blame him. When a man was happy, it was showing through his face, mimics, eyes.. Not so much words. And he was understanding that as well.

"Well, I'm happy for you two. I can see that Himchan is happy with you too,"

"Do you really think that?"

"Of course," Daehyun smiled shortly, feeling Yongguk relaxing after that, his usual antics and worries leaving his mind. 

"I remember Himchan back from our days," He was thinking about the time when Youngjae used to hang out with both of them, but rarely at the same time. Still, he was no stranger to Youngjae's best friend. "And he was this hotheaded, hot piece of—" Yongguk shifted in his seat, obviously uncomfortable to know about Himchan's past relationships and hook-ups, so Daehyun dropped the topic quickly.

He settled for this instead. "Well, he was something. But he was always craving for some bigger love, for something so out of this world, that even his love for fashion and for Youngjae would be in question." Yongguk smiled down to his cup of coffee, thinking about the time when Himchan almost got wasted, and spilled out his greatest dreams and hopes.

Daehyun continued. "And I'm glad he'd found that with you." He could remember all those times when Youngjae would talk about Himchan and what his best friend meant to him. And to think they were still going strong in the best-friends department, wasn't something out of ordinary. 

"I took Channie around town for a ride in my cop car and he was laughing like a child playing with his favorite toy the whole time," Yongguk placed the empty cup back on the table, leaning back in his chair, but eyes losing somewhere above Daehyun's head, and over to the beaming sunlight through the windows. 

"He was screaming every time I let him touch the siren and turn it on for a couple of seconds. And then he was pouting when I said that the media created that stereotype of cops having a box of donuts on their dash, and that it wasn't really true. He was so cute," Yongguk smiled widely at the memory of driving around with Himchan beside him after hours of his shift. 

"And then you took him out to some donuts, since you couldn't bear him being moody?" Daehyun stopped his dreaming, catching back Yongguk's eyes on him.

"How did you know?"  
  
Daehyun chuckled when Yongguk asked serious, standing up from his seat to face the windows instead.

"You're so in love, man,"

"Aren't we both?" Yongguk was beside him in matter of moments, both of the males enjoying the sunlight that casted a beautiful curtain over the main street down bellow.

"Yeah.. Two fools in love, that sounds about right."

***

"We have some chocolate cookies, and finger-sandwiches. Oh, and also I brought some wine with me, but it's not that expensive, since I'm on a low budget this month and—"

But before Youngjae could finish, Daehyun shut him up with a chaste kiss, smiling at his lips afterwards.

"You can feed me with vinegar and dirt, and I'll still eat it from your hand,"

"That was cheesy, even for you," Youngjae kissed him again, lips lingering for a moment too long, before leaning back on his bum, and away from crouching Daehyun. "We can start with some lazing around, if you want.. I'm not that hungry." Youngjae suggested, on what Daehyun only smiled widely, nodding. 

They agreed on a picnic at the park, two days after their first little encounter, and two nights since Youngjae agreed to try to make this work. 

Daehyun was totally booked and preoccupied with work, but he couldn't turn down an offer to go and do nothing in the park with Youngjae. The latter showed up to his office out of the blue, carrying a woven basket in one hand and a soft blanket in another, looking up shyly to Daehyun through his lashes. 

And that was the fastest ever that Daehyun dismissed his secretary, clearing out his schedule from the elevator on their way down. Through a phone. With a high-pitch voice. While Youngjae tried to shush his laughter behind his palm. 

But it was fine. His work could be postponed for a bit, nothing more important than the male sitting right here, beside him, stuffing his face with finger-sandwiches, trying to find some radio station that played his favorite genre of music. 

The park they were in currently was slightly hidden from the passers, like their own oaza in the middle of the city, but shielded with brick walls and different tall buildings. Daehyun didn't think about getting caught by paparazzi and people who knew about his engagement, but Youngjae apparently did, since he choose a spot under this big oak tree, the tall branches covering them nicely. 

"It's somewhere between these two, but I can't find— What? Do I have something on my face?" Youngjae dropped down the sandwich from his hand, palming at his lips, and totally not making Daehyun squeal and coo at his chipmunk-stuffed cheeks.

"You're so cute, I can't stand it." The latter commented, bringing his hand to palm at his face, thumbing some crumbs from the corner of his lips. Youngjae blushed in a second, swallowing the food from his mouth with heave, only glancing up to meet Daehyun's eyes.

"You gotta stop doing that," He commented dryly, playing with the hem of his shirt. Daehyun hummed at the back of his throat, not knowing what the other meant, but still not taking his hand of the burning, pink cheek. 

"That!" Youngjae pointed to Daehyun's hand, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth. "If you want this to work, then you have to stop making me blush."

"But you're so cute like this, I could just eat you all up." And Daehyun really meant that, leaning in and playfully nipping at Youngjae's cheek, before pecking the flushed skin with delicate, plump lips. 

Something churned in Youngjae's stomach, as he burned in even deeper red color, swatting at Daehyun's hand that still cupped his cheek. "Stop it, Jung Daehyun. I mean it!" 

"Okay, 'tell you what; I'll stop making you embarrassed if you settle for—"

"No!" Youngjae arched his head at the man, batting his long lashes.

"Okay, then, I'll stop doing that if you—" Daehyun tried again, Youngjae finally succeeded in prying his hands off his face, looking smug and proud of himself. 

"Jae, you have to give me something here." 

"Okay," Youngjae leaned closer to him, hooding his eyes. "How 'bout this; you stop touching me in public places like that, and I—" He leaned even closer, stomping both of his hands on Daehyun's thighs, seeing the man's breath hitching. 

"... W-What?" Daehyun dared to ask, his hands aching to touch his hands, his face, anything. Just to touch him, and kiss those poutty lips that ghosted over his cheek, going over his cheekbones and stopping to leave a mischievous kiss at his earlobe. 

"Get to do this!" Youngjae bit his ear playfully, and bolted out of his seat quicker than Daehyun could grab him.

"Oh, you're so getting it for that!" 

Daehyun jumped up too, running down behind Youngjae, who laughed out loud, skipping in zigzag motions, as he looked behind him to where Daehyun was coming closer to him. 

The man somehow reached him fast, even though Youngjae wasn't really running away from him in the first place, as they tumbled down to the grass, in a pile of limbs and boisterous laughs. 

So that's why Youngjae was currently laying down in between Daehyun's thighs, their bodies pressed flush together, the latter's hair tickling his forehead. Their breaths mingled in between, Daehyun's smile never faltering, eyes twinkling with something dangerous. 

"You know," Daehyun drawled out, fixing his hands on each side of Youngjae's face. "I could get used to this.."

"W-What exactly?" And he had to ask, losing his voice as Daehyun leaned in, his lips grazing his own ever so slightly. 

"This!" Youngjae closed his eyes at the contact, waiting for Daehyun to press closer and finally take his lips between his own, but after a couple of seconds of not breathing, there was nothing.

So Youngjae opened up his eyes, seeing clear sky instead of Daehyun in front of his eyes. Without saying anything, he looked up, trying to find the man, but not seeing anything along his line of vision. 

Just as anxiety set deep in his stomach, Daehyun came back running to where he was still laying down, taking short breaths. "Sorry, Jae. But my office called, and I gotta take this call, is that okay with you?"

How didn't he hear the ring, or any sign of a phone call being made, Youngjae didn't understand. But instead of making a scene or trying to snatch Daehyun back in his lap, he nodded, laying down on the soft grass by himself. Daehyun quickly thanked him, taking his phone in a different hand and walking away to not disturb their little picnic.

Even though it was disturbed, and Youngjae was denied of his kiss, he deserved one goddammit. Plus, his lips tingled like crazy, even tasting of the man himself, when Youngjae swiped his tongue across the flesh. 

But work is work, and speaking of which, Youngjae was having quite a mess in his workplace, where Chaelin practically threw him out from yesterday. 

In her defense, she did it just to save Youngjae from the journalists who crowded their agency, camping there for night and day, wanting to get an exclusive interview with the man of the hour.

That man being Yoo Youngjae.

And to explain further into the problem, Youngjae never thought to have this impact on anything out there, and just with his talent of writing nonetheless.

His interview, or lack there of, made a bomb in the news all around the country, because of the simplest reason there was. 

He messed with some big sharks, and with big sharks with even bigger jaws. 

When he covered up the story of the Nation's heartthrob and most talented actor of the new generation - as the media covered their love for the man - he didn't expect to see this big of a response from any of his men. 

Sure, he had a thing for writing down everything that he thought of the case, whether it was something small as a breaking into the liquor store, or something big as a case of hit and run, but this was something else.

This was big, greater than everything that his newspaper wrote before, and thanks to Youngjae himself, he brought the eyes of all the competitive media back to them.

Chaelin called him two days before, saying how everyone wanted to hear his opinion on the case, since he boldly accused the man of vanishing when the case just opened up in court, or how he mention the actor's father and how the man was nothing more than a sorry case of scandal that could rinse out his washed-our career. 

But this was his way of thinking, his pen of writing and his reason for starting up with being a journalist. There was the time when people used to recognize him in the street and even complement his way of thinking and not caring about implications. And he was more than happy to be praised for doing the right thing, and for clearing out everything that other media and news-station tried to beautify and cover-up.

Not this time, though. Because this time, he could suffer serious repercussions.

"Hey, sorry for that. There seems to be a problem back at work, so I have to postpone this picnic for some other time." Daehyun dropped down beside him on the grass, but not touching anything or even trying to start off where they last stopped. 

"Yeah, sure." Youngjae shrugged, still looking up to the sky and counting the Sun rays he could squint to. But Daehyun wasn't having any of it, leaning down in his line of vision, smirking his plump lips up. 

"Jae~" 

"What?" 

"Do you want to start where we left off?" Daehyun was coming closer and closer, and Youngjae couldn't see any of the bluest sky anymore, but he could see light around Daehyun's hair, and it made his breath hitch just a bit.

"'Don't know what you're talking about..." He tried to turn his head to the side, but a big hand on his chin stopped him, bringing his face back to look properly at the tickling eyes that bore into his own.

"Dae.." 

He whispered softly, closing his eyes out of the instinct, as Daehyun's hand slipped down to his jawline, kissing the air to his lips, before closing his around Youngjae's trembling ones. 

The memories from two nights ago came through his mind, blinding him with want and scorching desire to take this further down where they left it off, and it was almost impossible not to melt into goo when Daehyun licked into his mouth, licking the rooftop of his cavern.

"Dae, we should—" But Daehyun only kissed him again, tangling their tongues in the middle, biting onto his bottom lip and snapping it back to its place. Youngjae mewled at the hot muscle probing to his mouth, sliding with his own, and creating the sweet friction that earned him a shiver down to his toes.

"You taste to delicious, I can't stop myself sometimes.." Daehyun whispered at his lips, licking the edges of his lips, before diving back in, kissing the breath out of Youngjae.

Suddenly, everything came to the halt as Youngjae moaned loudly at the specific suck on his tongue, and quickly ducked down, rose hue filling up his cheeks.

He couldn't face the man above him, as he was positively sure that Daehyun was either smirking or laughing at his face. But when he spoke, he was smirking for sure.

"Jae, don't be embarrassed," He tried, but Youngjae pushed him off him and sat up properly. He tried not to look at him, as he shot a quick glance around them, checking whether somebody heard him. 

"Jae.." Daehyun tried again, ducking down to look at Youngjae's face, but the younger only turned around, feeling the flush covering his ears as well. "Why are you like this, hm?"

"Stop it, Dae—"

"Nope!" He popped the p with a smirk, getting around Youngjae to face him, but the younger quickly shielded his eyes once again.

"Look at me, Jae!"

"No!"

"Come on, baby. Look at me, I won't bite," Youngjae squinted at the other, before hitting his shoulder when the elder added 'Not anymore.' at the end.

"What's the matter, baby? It's not like we haven't done anything more than just kissing." 

"But we're in public, and- and people might see us," Youngjae picked at the green grass underneath his legs, throwing the blades down to the same spot. 

"But we're a couple, and people should see how happy I am to be with you," Daehyun pinched his cheek, sliding his hand to cup his jaw, before cupping his nape and stroking it slowly. "And how much you make me happy with just being you. Moans and mewls, and all."

Youngjae only groaned.

Daehyun laughed at his antics, before holding his chin with his free hand, pulling it upwards to face him. "Baby, I want to kiss you whenever I can.." He pecked his lips just slightly, brushing his plump lips over Youngjae's. "And I want to be with you all the time, in the broad daylight, where everybody could see how beautiful and stunning my baby is."

"S-stop.."

"And I want to show you off, why not? It's not like they could have you, when you're all mine." Daehyun pulled him closer, sliding his hand from Youngjae's nape to the small of his back, pushing his back to arch towards him. "Just mine," He whispered again against his lips, his own stretching into a smile so effortlessly. 

Youngjae wielded his arms around his shoulders, intertwining them on the fine hairs of his nape, pulling the man closer. 

Daehyun earned another kiss after that confession, and then another mewl as he pushed his hand under Youngjae's shirt, feeling up his warm skin.

***

"Do you agree to go with me to that dinner party tomorrow, then?" 

They were back in Youngjae's building, stopping at the parking lot in the basement, and taking everything out of the car, after their impromptu picnic date. 

"Well, sure. But what about—?"

"She's not in the country.. And besides, I don't want to take her, I want to go with you." Both of them knew who was Youngjae asking about, and Daehyun assured him once again what his true intentions were. 

Youngjae only nodded, picking up the keys from his back pocket and led them both to the elevator pushed in the wall of the building.

"What should I wear then? Is it too formal?" Youngjae picked the blanket from the picnic basket Daehyun was holding in one hand, twiddling the edges in his hands. 

"Well.." Daehyun raised his brows, hooking an arm around Youngjae's waist, pulling the man closer and leaving a peck on his temple.

"Well?"

"It is!" Daehyun went with the truth, knowing that Youngjae wouldn't forgive him if he appeared tomorrow night in some jeans and pulled up hair. 

"... Okay. So what to wear then?" Youngjae pulled him closer by the collar of his shirt, leaving a deep kiss on his lips, not bearing not to have them pressed upon his own any longer. Daehyun only smirked.

"Whatever you want. You'll still look stunning." He added cheekily, thinking that would earn him another kiss as a thank you from Youngjae, but the latter only scoffed, pushing him away.

"You weren't such a sap with all of your girlfriends, back in college," 

"I wasn't, because I wasn't in love with them."

The door to his floor opened up, Youngjae leaving the box first, cheeks hurting from all the smiling. Truthfully, his face seemed to be a step next to splitting in two. 

They walked to his apartment, Youngjae pushing Daehyun off of him just enough to pinch the key and unlock the door, but when he pushed the metal into the key-lock, the door were already ajar.

"Dae," He pointed to the door slowly opening up to half, before stopping with a soft screech. 

"Have you locked it this morning?" Daehyun asked, going in first and slowly entering his apartment. Youngjae nodded silently, following the former behind closely, his heart beating in his ears.

They rounded the corner slowly, entering his living room, being sure that it was vacant from any burglars, before getting the shock of his life.

Youngjae entered after Daehyun, surprised that the male looked back at him with widened eyes, dropping the basket down from his hands. 

"What's—" And then he looked around, seeing his flat in a complete and utter mess.

His couch was ripped in two by a very sharp object, presumably a knife, with feathers being everywhere. The throw pillows were in the similar state, but instead of being ripped by sharp weapon, they were teared apart and left there. 

The shelves and drawers were pulled out and raptured around the room, with his big mahogany coffee table broken down in two pieces. In the middle of the room was his little library thrown around, books scrapped and shredded to pieces.

He didn't even have to look further into the apartment, already seeing the similar state in the bedroom, with his bed trashed and feathers laying everywhere. Youngjae closed his eyes at the scene, hoping that they didn't find his photo album from all stages of his life, begging it to be safe and hidden like usually.

He sunk down to his ripped couch, digging his palms into both eyes, as Daehyun went around the flat to see if there was anybody hiding, ready to jump on them.

"Jae.." He heard Daehyun coming closer to him, before the couch dipped, the man sitting down next to him. 

"Dae, who would do such thing?" He felt tears welding up in his eyes, being too weak to deal with everything at the same time.

"Jae?" Daehyun softly said next to him, hooking an arm around his shoulders and pulling him to his side. "You need to see this."

Youngjae shook his head, thinking that Daehyun wanted to point out another ruined thing in his living room, but the latter comforted him, saying how he really needed to see this.

When Youngjae felt soft lips against his temple, he looked up, catching a piece of paper in Daehyun's hands. 

It was ripped messily from a notebook, with blood red writing in big, bold letters. There was a hole in the middle of the paper, as if the words were hurriedly written. 

"Stop sticking your nose in matters that don't concern you!"


	12. Chapter 12.

“I told you million times before to listen to me!”

“I’m so sorry, Bossman, I just-”

“You just what? Huh? I’m so sick of you all doing what you want and not following my orders, when I specifically said to-”

“Himchan! Dude, relax!”

The fiery red in the face man stopped yelling, taking short breaths, as he looked around, trying to find his next victim. 

“Kibum, sweetie, I’ll say this once,” Himchan backed away from the shivering rookie that was cornered up to the wall just moments ago, finding his colleague instead. “and only that one time I’ll be calm and DON’T INTERUPT ME WHEN I-”

Just as he backed up Kibum up into his space, Jin’s head popped in, breaking everyone off. “Hottie alert!”

Kibum scrambled away from their boss, going for the door, and following Jin outside, just as Baekhyun and Seungkwan left their offices as well. Himchan pinched the skin between his eyebrows, taking a deep breath and gesturing to the still trembling Hansol to leave too. 

The boy bowed all the way to the door, leaving it open after running through the frame, and practically allowing Himchan to see what the commotion was about as well.

“Well, why are you here?” He heard Jin asking, in that sly and small voice, the same tone he used when their young and very good-looking mailman dropped by with yet another package for their floor. 

“How much can you bench press?” Came Jeehyo’s voice next, and Himchan didn’t even remember if the male was on time for work today. 

“How are you that tall, and that muscled?” It was Baekhyun this time, followed by a very excited squeal of somebody that sounded a lot like Seungkwan. Them two were inseparable, so it was only normal to hear them talk at the same time, overlapping each other.

“You, Sir, are a fine specimen!” And of course, Kibum had to finish it all, making the said male laugh, and then proceed to thank them all. 

Himchan was back at his desk by the next round of praises for the postman, or whoever was at the reception, and he didn’t have time to deal with his employees’ hormones and sexual deprivations. 

But when he sat down and listened to some more, the voice seemed familiar enough to spark some intrigue at the back of his mind, since he never really cared for the heartthrob of their mailman, as Baekhyun used to explain him, and he never really got to know his voice, or distinguish it from the voices he’s been working with every day.

And his suspicions were right when Seungkwan knocked on his door, only his head peeking in when Himchan called for him to enter.

“Bossman, you have a visitor.”

“I don’t have time for another postman turned stripper, thank you very much.” Himchan defended himself, but when he looked up, he was met with the kindest eyes he has ever seen, looking down at him while smiling softly.

“Well, I’m not a postman, but I can strip for you.” Yongguk made everyone sigh and swoon behind him, as he didn’t take his eyes off their boss, waiting for the male to connect the dots.

And then proceeded to laugh out loud when Himchan bolted out of his seat, pulling his boyfriend in and pushing the door to his coworkers’ faces.

Yongguk’s back found its way back to the back of the door, as Himchan pushed him into it, attacking his lips in matter of seconds. Both of them ignored the pleas coming from the other side of the wooden door, voices asking to come in and continue their get-together with the newcomer, but Yongguk slipped a hand from Himchan’s waist to the door behind him, and found a key dangling from the keyhole.

“So they can’t barge in,” He smirked when a pop of key locking came to their ears, coming back to each other and tuning out every other white noise around their little bubble.

Himchan nodded briefly, before diving in once again, kissing Yongguk square on the lips. He didn’t waste any time, as the elder smiled into the mix, pinching his sides, making him open up and allow his tongue in.

The Bossman was happy, as he sighed out, intertwining their hands on his hip, and pushing more into Yongguk’s personal space, taking control of the kiss. The space between their bodies was minimal, just enough for their clothes to press together, as Yongguk’s hands unrolled from underneath the other’s shirt, and went down, to grab and knead Himchan’s behind.

When Himchan started grinding upwards to meet Yongguk’s hips, the elder stopped, nibbling at his bottom lip for a second too long, breaking them off. Not without a whine coming from the dark-haired male, but his hands came back to hold Himchan by the skin on his hips instead.

“Hello, baby.” Yongguk left a quick peck on those poutty lips, loving Himchan’s reaction that came afterwards.

“Why’d you stop? I was just getting started.” He threw in a sleazy wink in the mix, but stopped at that.

“I know, and as much as I wanted to see where this-” A quick pull with his finger at Himchan’s bottom lip, snapping the pink flesh back to its place. “-could take us, your colleagues are still there, probably listening to everything as we speak.” 

And Himchan knew what people he’s working with, so he nodded silently, before peeling Yongguk off the door. He just touched his lips in a manner of be quiet, as he banged loudly at the wooden surface of the door. 

And of course, startling everyone who was eaves-dropping; his employees having their ears plastered on the other end of the door, listening closely.

When Baekhyun yelped loudly, hitting his head with Jaehyo's, who almost started crying on the hard impact on his skull, and then proceeded to wail on the life being not fair, and when Kibum shushed them off to their works, and slowly knocked on the door to inform their boss to have fun, but not too much fun, they all went back to their respective jobs.

“Told you.” Yongguk sat down in the designated chair for the guests, waiting for Himchan to go around and sit down in his big mahogany chair across from him. 

But he all but expected Himchan to ditch that idea, and sit down on his lap instead, side-sitting, and facing him. 

“Hello, honey. How’s your day?” They couldn’t help but share another kiss, that was chaste, and left tingling sensation on Himchan’s lips. 

“Much better, now that I see you,” Yongguk winked, as he tightened his hold around Himchan’s waist, pulling the younger closer to him. 

He was yet again in a black wife beater, topped with a jacket of sort, and Himchan just had to touch, and maybe drag a dull fingernail across his biceps, relishing in fact that he was the only one to touch the elder like this, to earn goosebumps to appear on the expanse of the milky skin. Just like this time as well, as Yongguk shivered underneath his touch.

“Somebody really want to test this PDA notice for public buildings, don’t you?” Yongguk said, testing the waters, but not allowing Himchan to proceed. He had to allow the younger to kiss him again, and maybe nip under his jaw line, but that was that. 

“I can’t help it! I haven’t seen you in two days!”

“The horror!” Yongguk feigned gasped, laughing when Himchan slapped his arm, digging his nails harder into the skin afterwards.

“It is! For your information! But-” He stood up from his lap, going around and sitting down on the sofa on the other end of his office. He sat down just enough for the other to see how laid-back and totally not fazed he was. But, truthfully, he was burning up just to be in the same room with the elder. “-If you don’t want to be with me, I can always find some other hobby, you know..”

“Am I just a hobby to you?” Yongguk still didn’t budge, and Himchan was losing yet another battle. 

“...Maybe..” And a smirk from him was enough for Yongguk to stand up, and come to sit down next to him.

“Just that?” He leaned down to whisper at Himchan’s ear, not taking it further, and not touching the male either. Two could play this game, and Yongguk was the one with a stone demeanor that was crumbling down whenever he even thought about the younger.

Himchan shivered at that, of course, and closed his eyes instantly. “Maybe- But a cute one, at least.” 

Yongguk laughed softly, pushing all of his previous games out of the window, and leaning in to nip at the scolding red ear of the other. 

Just as Himchan threw his leg around and straddled his boyfriend, his phone vibrated along his outer-thigh, making him groan loudly, before pinching it up from his pocket.

“Yes?” He didn’t even check the caller ID when he pressed the device to his ear, too immersed in Yongguk leaving butterfly kisses along the column of his throat. 

But when a hectic voice greeted him and started talking almost immediately, he pushed Yongguk off and quickly lowered the phone down, turning on the speaker for his boyfriend to hear too.

“...And Jae is out of his mind right now, and he keeps calling you, because this is your apartment too, and we didn’t touch anything, but-”

“Dae? What are you talking about?” Yongguk cut his best friend off, sharing a confused look with Himchan, who was still sitting on his lap.

“I was saying that somebody broke into Jae’s and Himchan’s apartment, and everything is out of order, and you have to see this!” Daehyun explained everything in a hurried voice, probably wanting to go back to Youngjae who was talking about something in the background. He didn’t even question what his best friend was doing with Himchan at the moment, or whether they could come right away, just ending the call then and there, not telling them anything else.

Yongguk and Himchan shared a look full of confusion, but something else too, a look of fear of what exactly happened, before Yongguk pulled him out of the office. “I’m driving.”

***

When they parked Yongguk’s car in front of their building, and ran upstairs, what the couple wasn’t expecting to find was Youngjae curled in Daehyun’s lap, both of them sitting quietly at the what seemed to be a saw-through couch. 

The door were wide open, like they didn’t bother with closing it, not after everything bad has already happened, but Yongguk closed it behind them, going to the living room after his boyfriend.

“Jae-?” Youngjae lifted his head off Daehyun’s neck at the voice of his best friend, before untying himself from his boyfriend in order to hug Himchan.

“What happened?” Yongguk asked, both his and Daehyun’s eyes trained on shivering Youngjae who continued to cry out in Himchan’s neck. 

“We came back about half an hour ago, and the door was opened.” Daehyun stood up to greet Yongguk, coming back to Youngjae who nodded to Himchan and came back to his arms. As soon as the youngest was back in his hold, Daehyun sighed out. 

“And everything was like this?” Himchan went around the room to see the damage, wincing every once and awhile when he came across some piece of Youngjae’s library, or his fashion magazines, even cursing loudly when he found his favorite coffee mug thrown at the base of the kitchen table.

Daehyun nodded. “Your rooms are trashed too, and as much as I’ve seen, they covered everything.” 

Youngjae was still shivering in his arms, both of them back at the couch, with the younger back at his lap. He hid his face in the crook of Daehyun’s neck, huffing out slowly, and damping his shirt with his never ending tears. 

“Have you called the cops?” Yongguk hugged Himchan when the younger started sobbing, bringing him to sit down on the only one chair that was still pretty much in a good condition. They only succeeded in breaking the back-support of it, so it was safe enough to sit on it. 

“Well, no.” Daehyun started, looking around the room, before meeting Yongguk’s eyes from the other end of the living room. “I wanted for you two to come first, to see the damage, and then to figure out what to do next.” 

Yongguk nodded, considering the fact that this was a delicate case, since the people who did this couldn’t just be after some money, or expensive devices, because then they wouldn't have trashed the whole place down. 

This was something else, on the more personal level, and Yongguk feared the source of it all.

“It was a good thing that you two were together, since I wanted to call you next,” Daehyun smiled softly, watching as his best friend comforted the pretty much pissed Himchan that started silently crying. 

In the meantime, Daehyun pushed Youngjae slowly to see his face, finding his eyes puffy and red. His cheeks were tear stained, and his heart broke at the sight. 

“Jae?” He whispered, holding his cheeks and brushing the incoming tears away. Youngjae only nodded, even cracking a tiny smile; just a small upright of the right corner of his lips. 

He tried to make Daehyun sure that he was fine, even in this kind of situation, and Daehyun fell in love even more. 

“We need to do something. This can’t end like this! I’m gonna kill whoever-” Himchan bolted out of his seat, going in circled like a madman, before Yongguk saw the alarmed state of his boyfriend and halted his steps with a hug.

“I’m here, baby. I got you, and I’ll not allow anything bad to happen to you, okay?” He held him close, allowing Himchan to relax in his hold, and didn’t let him go until the younger wielded his arms around his torso, relaxing. 

“But we need to go to the police.” Himchan whispered at his neck, just as Daehyun stood up, picking Youngjae up with him, still holding him close on his chest.

“There was note in Youngjae’s room...” He pulled a piece of tattered paper out of his pocket, pushing it for Yongguk to take it. 

When both him and Himchan read it, did Himchan come back to Youngjae’s side, peeling him off Daehyun and into his arms. 

“Jae, have you seen this?” The younger only nodded.

“This is a hate crime, and we need to do something. I can have my crew in here in about fifteen minutes, and they could take the fingerprints, and run the data analyzer, and-”

“No.” 

They all turned around to watch at the youngest, sharing a look between them, as Youngjae stood upright, and looked around the room. 

“We won’t involve police into any of this.” He stood his ground, tearing his eyes off his boyfriend and looking at Yongguk instead. “We don’t need to blow this up more, and we don’t even know what we’re dealing with here.”

“That’s why we need the police, as we-”

“I said no!” He clenched his fists, looking determined, before realizing that he just yelled at his boyfriend’s best friend, and his best friend’s boyfriend as well, so he fisted his eyes, pushing them into his eye-sockets. 

“I’m sorry, but just- Understand me here, okay?” When nobody dared to say anything, he continued. “We have this... drama back at work, with everybody’s eyes on me, and I just...”

“Jae? What are you-?” Daehyun pushed him to sit down at the couch, just as Himchan sat down next to him, on the opposite side of Daehyun, and with Yongguk bringing the only chair closer to them as well. 

“Remember that article about that hit-and-run case from couple of months before? The one where it was a regular, nothing out of the ordinary case of a woman getting killed in a car accident?” Youngjae looked around, asking. Somebody getting killed wasn't something to consider regular, but both him and Yongguk have probably seen more than enough of such cases.

“It was two months ago, right? About a woman getting hit in the upper east side?” Youngguk asked, remembering the case from the news, and hearing a couple of more information from his colleagues. 

“Yes. That one.” Youngjae took a deep breath, continuing. “Well, Kim Jaejoong is a suspect, and there are proofs to it, but he’s still waiting for his trial.”

“Wait, the Kim Jaejoong? Whose father is that famous actor, what’s his name...” Himchan trailed off, trying to remember.

“Kim Byungwook?” Daehyun offered, and Himchan clasped his hands when the name ringed a bell. 

“Yes! He’s the one who played the lunatic in my favorite movie.”

“Well, he might be a lunatic in real life too.” Youngjae took over. “I had an interview with the Kim Senior couple of weeks before, and he was all pleading eyes and kind words for his son and the case back then. But everyone with eyes could see right through his act, and everything that he said for my newspaper.”

“Do you think that Kim Byungwook is behind all of this?” Yongguk asked, standing up and looking around the apartment.

“I’m not sure in anything anymore, but I know that there was a whole horde of journalist and different kind of media two days ago at my work. They were all there trying to have an interview with me, or take my statement about the case..” Youngjae bit down on his lower lip, looking guilty all of a sudden.

“Why would they do that?” Daehyun asked, rubbing comforting circles on the younger’s back. 

“Well, for starters, I was the first one to write about the case, and I was the first one to say something under my own name, not my agency’s name.” He started, but didn’t get anything in return, everybody waiting patiently for him to finish.

“And second of all, I may or may not accused him of the crime even before the trial went through, and they reached a verdict.”

Nobody could understand the weight of his statement, or the pain that sentence caused him, since he was the one to write so freely, and put a label on somebody who may or may not be a victim of media after all of this. 

“And?” Himchan asked, his eyes sparkling for any kind of information.

“And, well...” Youngjae trailed off, standing up from the couch and turning his back to the three of them. “We were taught back in college that we, as journalists, mustn’t ever label people without having at least three different sources for our suspicion, and for it to back up the information we have.”

“And we were also taught not to jump to conclusions, and to always have the last look at something, before reporting about it.” He was so ashamed, not bearing to look back at them, but feeling their eyes following his every move.

“And I was also taught not to convict anyone before he final verdict, or to put somebody’s name in my reports, if that person is still just a suspect in any kind of crime...” 

“But you did?” Daehyun asked. 

Youngjae only nodded.

“Yes. I did. And I’m ashamed, but I couldn’t stop myself.” He finally turned around and looked at them. “I couldn’t stop myself from writing his name in those news, and writing as if he’s already convicted of killing that woman, because I’ve seen the tape from the crime scene, and it was his car, and you could see his face behind the steering wheel.” He needed to sit down, the dizziness catching up with his head.

“And I wanted so badly to put something negative about the guy, and after talking with his father, I wanted- no! I was dying to write negatively about them, and their hypocrisy, because they’ve been fooling the people long enough.” He was shivering out of pure rage coursing his veins, wanting to spill everything out, without being blinded by anger, but it was getting the best out of him.

“Jae-”

“I was wrong, I know that! My boss knows that, and now you know that. I was suspended from my work indefinitely, and it fucking hurts that I can’t do anything!” 

“Chaelin suspended you?!” This was the time for Himchan to rage out loud, even standing up from the couch in revelation. 

“She had to. She tried to shield me away from everything, but they were attacking her, and our papers, and she couldn’t do anything else.” Youngjae shrugged, his eyes getting lost in the clean patch of their once perfect-cream carpet. “I don’t blame here, though. If I was at her position, I would’ve fired me at the very first outburst of some other media.”

“But that still doesn’t make it right. You have proofs for your statement, and they can’t go against that.” Daehyun side-hugged him, checking whether he was crying again.

“The tape went missing after the case was brought to the court.” He suddenly explained, making everyone’s blood boil. “There wasn’t anything as a solid proof of what that man did and left behind, and they lashed out on me for using the tape as a part of the excuse on why I’m sure that he was the murderer.”

The room fell silent on the realization that they couldn’t do anything with the new information, since nobody was powerful enough to go against the heartthrob of Korea, and his ever so praised father. 

Everybody knew the Kims, being because of their fame and seemingly never ending fortune, or their talents, and public appearances whatever they were doing. Even with Kim Senior’s career coming to a halt last year, he was still the main talk of the country, and he was still pretty much a present figure everywhere. 

They could have the whole country at their feet if they wanted it, and they were not afraid to use that prerogative in their favor. 

And realizing all that, the four men in the room had enough reasons to be afraid of what they’re capable of doing, mostly when it comes to a simple journalist, who lived with his best friend, and had enough money for living and then some. 

“We are here for you!” Yongguk suddenly said, the dread filling up his mind and making him uneasy. 

“We need to do something, but in the meantime, you both need a place to stay.” Daehyun offered, taking Youngjae’s hand in his own, squeezing it tightly. 

“Well, we could arrange with the local hotel to stay there, since I don’t think it’s a good idea to fix everything and stay here,” Himchan looked around, and then to his boyfriend, who was already ready to offer his apartment as a shelter. 

A temporarily shelter, for the time being, of course. But coming to think about it, he didn’t mind having Himchan living with him permanently. But just as he started talking, Daehyun beaten him to it.

“You two are coming with me.” 

“What?” Both Youngjae and Himchan asked in unison, shocked that Daehyun would offer that.

“Look, you can’t stay here, and you wouldn’t pay for a hotel with me having a big ass house for myself only. So I invite you to stay with me as long as you need, and in the mean time, Yongguk and I will try to figure out as much of the Kims as possible.”

“Dae,” Youngjae took his face in his warm palms, looking so lost and utterly confused. “You don’t have to do this. I understand where you are coming from, but we can’t interfere with your life like that. I don’t want to be a burden, and besides-”

“Jae, love, if you call yourself a burden ever again, I’d really ship you off to some foreign country.” Daehyun cut him off, placing his hands over Youngjae’s, and cracking a warm smile.

“You could never be a burden to me, and you don’t interfere with my life at all.” Youngjae smiled too. “Besides, you’re my life now, and I want to help you with everything. That being the food, shelter, or security as well. But please, allow me to do this for you! I'd die if anything happened to you..”

Youngjae didn’t even have the time to blush at the confession hidden between the lines, as he puckered his lips and Daehyun pecked him chastely. 

“Okay, love birds, we need to pack everything that’s...in one piece, and take everything to Daehyun’s house.” Himchan stood up, pulling Yongguk by hand to his room, leaving the remaining couple to share a peck here and there. 

“More like mansion.” Yongguk threw after them, pushing Himchan inside his room when the male turned around to ask about the said mansion some more. 

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Youngjae asked again, finding Daehyun’s warm eyes on him, and only him. 

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I had something against it.” He gave an Eskimo kiss to Youngjae’s nose, pulling the younger back into his arms. “And besides, waking up to your messy bed hair and bad morning breath is a sight for itself.” 

***

They eventually packed the leftovers of their stuff in three large duffel bags and two boxes, finding it kind of sad that their whole life could fit in such small space. 

Himchan locked the door behind them, holding a palm over the hard surface of the entrance door for a couple of seconds, the feelings rushing back to his chest. Who knew how long they were staying away from this apartment, and when they could come back. 

Who even knew if they will come back to live here ever again. 

But he was strong, as he smiled sadly at the once his and Youngjae’s bachelor pad, and took off, Yongguk coming back for him. 

The house that Daehyun mentioned, was indeed the mansion that Yongguk corrected, and both Youngjae and Himchan’s jaws hit the floor as soon as they entered through the big brass pitch black gates.

The estate was large, larger than they could see from where Daehyun parked his car, and they were surrounded with a large and tall brick-stone fence, going around all the way around the lot. 

They exited quickly, taking their stuff with them, and followed Daehyun to his front door, where surprisingly a doorman wasn’t waiting for them.

“You couldn’t put out for some man to open the front doors for you, could you?” Himchan only joked, helping Yongguk with holding one box and two duffel bags in his arms, winking when Daehyun feigned offense. 

They soon entered on their own, as Daehyun closing the door behind them. They looked back when the ding informed that the house was again totally locked from the inside. “And to answer your question, I couldn’t. But I have the top alarm system in the country,” 

A quick tour through the ground floor later - Daehyun showing the rooms individually to mostly Youngjae and Himchan, since Yongguk has been here numerous times - they went back to the living room, on the left from the front door, ditching their stuff to respective rooms. 

Himchan got a guest room for himself, the first door on right upon walking up to the second floor, and Youngjae’s stuff was placed in the same room for the time being, but everyone there knew that the youngest will sleep in Daehyun’s room. 

“Now that we’re all arranged, I want to make another suggestion.” Daehyun came back from the kitchen with some refreshments, placing everything on the big glass table in front of his guests. Well, soon to be roommates.

“Since you two are staying here, the party wouldn’t be complete without you my friend,” He handed the bottle of water to Yongguk who looked puzzled. 

“Why don’t you come and live with me too? That way you can be here with Himchan, and you would save money on gas..” When Yongguk was still not convinced, did he explain further more.

“We all know that you’ll be here more than your own flat, so why not save you the troubles of traveling, and being away from your sweetie.” He had to mix in a wink in between, smirking when Himchan pounced on his boyfriend, squealing out of excitement of having him there too. 

Daehyun used the opportunity to take Youngjae’s hand and lead him out of the living room and up to the second floor. He dashed down to Himchan’s - and now Yongguk’s - room, to grab his stuff, and then proceeded with younger to the end of the second floor, where his room was. 

Youngjae giggled when the elder stopped and gestured for him to enter first, and then awed upon seeing the grandiose room. 

Everything was covered in either light beige or dark mahogany, with burgundy curtains pulled over the ceiling-to-floor windows, allowing the room to dance in the murky but still light red hue. A big, master bed was standing in the middle, the duvet enough for at least four people to sleep comfortably, with two sets of matching nightstand on each side. 

He looked around and saw two doors on his right, creamy armchairs standing in the corner, next to the big sofa in the darkest brown, and a big mirror covering the wall next to it. Along the windows, there was another door, but this one being the glass one, in contrast to mahogany brown ones on the opposite side; the glass door probably leading to the balcony of sorts. 

Youngjae yet had to check everything out, and to see where those three doors lead to, but he, for now, turned around to see the smiling Daehyun, who didn’t take his eyes off the younger.

“Are you trying to spoil yourself?” Daehyun laughed on that, coming closer to his boyfriend, and almost immediately finding his hands in the contact with Youngjae’s soft sides.

“I’m trying to spoil you more! How am I doing, by the way?” He asked, leaning down to take Youngjae’s lips back between his, nibbling at the softness he seemed to always find there.

“Add in the indoor pool, and you got me..” Youngjae only joked, slotting their lips again, when Daehyun smiled into the kiss.

“Wait to see the balcony outside that door,” He pointed to the glass door, still kissing the life out of Youngjae.

“No way!!” The younger all but yelled at his face, pulling his face away to look at him better.

“Way! And that’s not all that I have for my baby, but let’s enjoy in this some more..” He smirked, pushing Youngjae backwards, until the back of his legs touched their bed for a moment, and the younger fell down, back first. 

“Well, don’t mind me if I do!”


	13. Chapter 13.

Youngjae woke up with a headache. 

He groaned at the Sun that shined right to his face, turning around in a vain attempt of escaping it. But when he groaned and finally settled down, a strong arm pulled him closer, caging his ribs, and breaking off the air supply that was steady.

"Dae, you're chocking me!" He wheezed out, cracking both eyes open, looking down at the sleepy male that snuggled closer to his chest, all the while smiling in his sleep.

Youngjae trashed around, feeling hopeless on top of the elder, before lowering his head down on the messy black locks out of place. "Dae?" He tried softly, huffing out when the male only squeezed harder, smacking his lips cutely.

"Daehyun? I can't breathe.." Good thing he could use his hand—for Daehyun who has squeezed around his arms, breaking off any movement that Youngjae could make, such as pushing him off—so he could tickle his face softly, snickering when Daehyun's brows pinched in the middle.

"Daehyunnie~~" He was starting to be cute, and Youngjae wasn't cute. Not now, not ever, not this early in the morning, that is...

.. Well, he might've made an excuse when it came to Daehyun.

"I really need to pee.." He tried again, huffing the words out, but only getting a sleepy groan in return. Youngjae giggled, laying over the other more comfortably, as he waited for any kind of reaction. But since getting nothing, he pecked Daehyun's eyes softly, covering his lips over the eyelids in a quick, but sweet kiss.

With nothing better to do, Youngjae counted the other's eyelashes, reminding himself that it wasn't creepy at all, before laying down on his cheek with his cheek first. "You really are stubborn, huh.."

"Yeah.."

"Daehyun!? You're awake?!"

Daehyun smiled lazily, stretching his whole body without letting of Youngjae, before cracking one eye open, looking up towards the younger. Even that one brown eye seemed smug looking.

"I thought to let you do what you want a little bit longer.. I just thought you're gonna punch me or worse."

"What's worse than punching you?" Youngjae blushed when Daehyun opened both of his eyes, wiggling his eyebrows. "Oh, shut up!"

"What's for breakfast?" Daehyun hugged him tightly, before letting him go, but only for Youngjae to lay down beside him. Other than that, he couldn't move once again.

"Typical.." Youngjae scoffed, turning his head to the side, purposely avoiding Daehyun's soft eyes and a gruff voice. The elder's voice in the morning was thick with sleep, all gruff and deep and Youngjae didn't love it, not at all.

"Aww, is my baby pouting?" Daehyun tried to look him in the eyes, but Youngjae ducked down before he could.

"No!" He scoffed, trying to push him off and jump out of the bed for a quick shower. The peeing thing was still on, but he didn't think of that now. Not exactly.

"What did I do, hm?" Daehyun asked again, his arms flexing with every move, and Youngjae groaned a bit. "Is it because I asked about breakfast, and haven't kissed you for a good morning? Is that it?"

Youngjae felt his cheeks blushing under his gaze, the question left unanswered, because it was embarrassing to admit such thing. 

Of course he didn't want to be jealous of food, when it was stupid, okay. But this was the first morning ever since they've slept together that Daehyun didn't kiss him when he thought that Youngjae was still sleeping—Daehyun had a habit of waking up before him, and Youngjae pretended to be asleep for that extra moments, just to be pampered—or kiss him again when he finally 'woke up'. 

So he scoffed again, pulling Daehyun's arms off of him, but the elder had other plans.

"Come here, baby.."

"Nope!"

"Come on, I know you want it,"

"I don't know what you're talking about—" Youngjae trailed off when Daehyun's hands started tickling his sides, overpowering him in matter of moments.

"You're an idiot," Youngjae wielded his arms around his shoulders, pulling with his fingers at the fine hairs on the back of Daehyun's nape.

"But I'm your idiot.." Daehyun smiled before leaning in, nuzzling their noses together, before pouting and kissing him square on the lips.

"Your breath stinks.." But despite saying it, Youngjae came back in, kissing back, and tilting his head for a better access.

Daehyun's arms holding him close felt like the most secured place in the world, as he mewled into the kiss, opening up and touching into the elder's mouth.

They took it slow this time, just grazing and nipping and licking into the other's cavern, before backing away slowly, and languidly nipping and sucking each other's lips.

Youngjae felt like this was his personal heaven, because he didn't want anything else from the world—only having this male for as long as he could, kissing him, holding him, smiling into the kiss like Daehyun's thought the same.

"Jae.." Daehyun backed away, breathing out on his lips, pressing their foreheads together.

".. Yeah?" Youngjae tried to collect his blown-out brain and calm down erratic heartbeat that's always accelerated whenever he even thought about the elder.

Daehyun smiled, looking up to his eyes, before eyeing his lips once again, and leaned in, coddling his cheek with one warm palm. His lips were plump and delicious this early in the morning—not that they weren't something else the rest of the day—and Youngjae wanted to nip them, and bite around, making them bee-stung.

"Youngjae.." It was rare for Daehyun to call him by his first name, so Youngjae waited and listened carefully for his next words.

But Daehyun pecked his lips again, looking down to their bodies, and taking a deep breath. This was something else, something that took courage to do, and Youngjae felt his heart beating in his ears.

"I—I want to spend my life with you.." Daehyun looked right into his eyes, and with that, the air was completely cut off in Youngjae's being.

".. What?"

"I know that we've already told each other I love you, but I wanted to tell you this as well.. I don't know if you think I'm joking, or whether you're serious with me in all of this, but I know I am! I know that there are a lot of things that are still standing in between us two, but I wanna promise you the world! The Moon, the Universe, whatever you—"

But before Daehyun could finish, Youngjae's lips were back on his, kissing into, and sucking around, pushing their tied tongue to slide and nip. 

"Yes!"

"Yes?"

"I mean, I want to see where this can go, you know.." Youngjae looked somewhere between Daehyun's eyes, focusing his eyes on looking at the little mole that was secured at the bridge of his nose, thinking of what to say next. 

But not being able to contain himself, he leaned in, kissing the tiny mole with the tip of his lips, making Daehyun smile widely.

"What was that about?"

"Um.. Err, sorry.." Youngjae felt like his nape was on fire, and when Daehyun kissed his cheek softly, he was sure. 

"We can work everything out if you want.. We can work on each thing as we go, and then we can see where this could go.." 

Daehyun leaned down to kiss him again, not breaking away even when Youngjae giggled out of cheesiness of it all. This was all new to him, and he was somehow lost, since this ought to be the first real relationship that he can have—that he has.

So with Daehyun in his arms, he was wiling to try.

"I love you, baby. So much!" Daehyun whispered at his lips, kissing them over and over again.

"I know," Youngjae laughed smugly at Daehyun's surprise face, kissing him again.

"And hopefully it would lead to us having identical rings on our ring-fingers.."

Youngjae felt sick to the core, but good sick, the one you got from nervousness while waiting for your exam results to come out, or when you're waiting for the line to be picked up on the call you made yourself for the first time after your mother had been making your appointments, or when—

You get it!

But what he said next, made it worse. "If only your fiancée didn't have your ring on her finger already.."

Daehyun froze in his arms, and Youngjae let him go. 

He stood up, suddenly remembering an urge to pee, as he hurried to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

After finishing with the toilet, and washing his face and teeth, he just stood there, watching his reflection in the mirror. Honestly, he felt sick with himself.

What if he was the one that was all this being done to—having a fiancé that you wanted to marry and spend the rest of your life with, but not knowing that he had a different partner in his life that got his love and affection. It hurt like a bitch to even think about it, but what would it be if he actually experienced it.

He tried to enjoy the past couple of months of having Daehyun back in his life, but somewhere in his subconscious he couldn't help but think of her. Her with long hair and sparkling eyes, waiting for Daehyun to come back and marry her.

What if she really loved him, and wanted to be with Daehyun as his lawfully wedded wife? What if she really was preparing the wedding right now, having that big grin on her face for finally getting the wedding that she's always dreamed off?

And all that while Youngjae was in the bed with her fiancé, getting his morning kisses and 'I love you's whispered in his ear..

Youngjae felt sick.

"Jae?" When he entered the bedroom again, Daehyun was sitting on the edge of the bed, jumping up upon seeing him. "Are you okay?"

"Dae, I can't do this.."

".. Okay.."

Youngjae could see hurt flashing through Daehyun's eyes, setting somewhere lodged deep in his throat. He was hurting, but so was Youngjae, but only Daehyun was ready to let go if that was what Youngjae wanted.. Even if hurt like hell.

"I don't think we're being fair here.."

"I know," Daehyun huffed out, sitting down on the edge again and taking Youngjae's hand in both his. "And I'm sorry, I really am! But there's only much that I could do."

"Well, you could talk to her.." Youngjae looked down to the man of his dreams, and sighed out. "Or leave me.."

"What?! No! I could never!" Daehyun shot up from the bed, caging him in his arms, hugging him close and not letting go.

"Jae, I want to spend my lifetime with you, not her.. I know that it's not fair towards her or my family, but I deserve to be happy, you know. To be happy with you!"

"What if—"

"There's no what ifs.. I know what I want, and I know who I want it with! It's always been you, and nothing could change that.."

Youngjae pushed away enough to look him in the eyes, seeing nothing but complete honesty. 

"But what if you love her, and you misplaced those feelings on me, and then she—"

Daehyun's chuckling stopped him. "Jae, I don't love her, I love you! Trust me when I say this, because I realized my feelings a long time ago.." Youngjae remembered when the elder visited him for the last time, bringing him that Celtic knot in a form of a necklace. He still wore it sometimes, but rather kept it secured and locked away—it was too precious to lose it.

"And when I say that this was a business deal, I mean it.. My father and her father made a deal that could benefit both our companies, and what better way than to push us together and make us marry.." Daehyun scoffed loudly, standing up and walking to the big windows that cascaded light into the room, and in the same time showcased a steady view of the back terrace that overlooked down to the flourish and colorful garden.

Youngjae sat down as Daehyun went around, taking deep breaths. He could say that he was bitter about the situation, because this wasn't only about some business deal, and them having to have feigned smiles along the meeting, waiting patiently to finish.

This included two lives, two destinies, and two people who didn't want this. And plus, now Youngjae was in the picture too.

"Jae, just.."

Youngjae jumped up on that, going right to him and hugging him tightly. "I know, okay. I know everything.." Daehyun visible relaxed in his hold, exhaling everything out of his system, holding Youngjae close to his frame. "I love you, and I'm here. I'll always be here!"

***

They met up with Himchan and Yongguk after some time, catching them in a heated make out session right in the middle of the kitchen.

"Whoa, whoa, easy there tiger!" Daehyun chuckled, and Yongujae whistles behind him, coming to the fridge, and picking some juice to drink.

But then both of them eeew!ed loudly when the lovebirds separated, a thin string of saliva still connecting their mouths.

"It's not easy to sleep in the same bed as this man, and not touch it!" Himchan explained, as he went back to eating his breakfast, sipping his juice while looking up to the said male who only smirked in return.

"And have you seen him? He's irresistible.." Yongguk commented back, leaning down to kiss Himchan again, licking up the smudge of whipped eggs from his lips.

"Well, I had my appetite when I came down, but now.. not so much," Daehyun dodged the punch thrown at him by his best friend, before going back to the fridge and getting both his and Youngjae's breakfast out. "But seriously, you have your room, we don't need to see you being all lovey-dovey."

Youngjae smiled, thanking him for the plate full of pre-cooked meal, as he dug in without another word. Himchan eyed him over the kitchen island, narrowing his eyes softly.

But Yongguk beaten him to it. "We're not the one to blame for you acting like a married, old couple already."

"We're still hot and fresh, thank you very much," Daehyun leaned over the island, kissing Youngjae deeply. But then all of them grossed out when Yongjae swallowed his bite. "Sorry.."

"Wait.. Don't tell me that you still hadn't.. you know?" Himchan still said it. 

"Hadn't what?" Daehyun asked, without raising his eyes off the half-eaten plate before him. Youngjae, in return, blushed like a school-girl.

"OMG, Jae. Really!?" 

Youngjae looked up to his best friend, cursing him mentally, because he knew exactly what the elder was talking about. He then looked at his boyfriend, and his oblivious stare from his own best friend and Himchan, before asking, "What?"

"Channie here is asking about your sex life," Yongguk tried to explain, but that only led up to Daehyun chocking and Yongujae jumping over the island to pat his back and make him spit out. 

The youngest looked over to his alleged best friend, sending a nasty look, "Look what you did!"

"Hey, it's not my fault he hasn't stick it in yet—"

"Honey, stop talking about their sex life this early in the morning," Yongguk wiped at his lips, pushing the plate further down the island. "Now, I don't have an appetite."

"I'm just saying..." Himchan defended himself, or tried to defend, because even his quick-handed boyfriend couldn't stop that loaf of bread being thrown at him. "Jae!!" He whined pathetically, until Yongguk rolled his eyes, kissing his cheek.

In the meantime, on the other of the table, one male was still gasping for air, since that bite went in the wrong pipe, as his boyfriend fed him with water, basically pushing the glass to his lips.

"Are you okay?"

"... Yeah.." Daehyun wheezed out, before downing the glass and focusing back on his breakfast. "And to answer your question, we... wanted to like—"

"We're still figuring things out, okay." Youngjae finished for him, looking up softly at his boyfriend, who looked back at him, hiding his smile.

They still had plenty time to be with each in every way there was, and they're still figuring everything out. And that's just fine.

But Youngjae still threw a spoon at Himchan when he commented, "Prudes."

***

Daehyun wanted nothing more than to bring Youngjae to the office with him today. The younger was still on a break from work, and Chaelin called in yesterday to ask how was he holding up with everything going on.

Youngjae couldn't be more thankful to his boss, because even though her ass and her magazine were on the line, she still hadn't fired him when she was supposed to. He finally realized how big of a friend she was, after being his boss for a while now.

So without anything better to do, Youngjae said yes to Daehyun's whiny attempts to bring him to his work today. 

They said goodbye to Himchan and Yongguk this morning, after breakfast, before both of them went to respective jobs, and then went to change and shower in the Master's bathroom. 

Youngjae kind of wanted to invite Daehyun to shower with him—after all that talk about sex at the breakfast table, he was tempted to push their boundaries a bit more—but he chickened out in the last moment, closing the door without even saying anything to his boyfriend.

In the meantime, Daehyun showered in another bathroom, down the hall from his bedroom, thinking that it would be better if they both got ready at the same time, saving both time and minimizing missing each other a little.

They dressed casually, but still work-appropriate, and went out in Daehyun's car, the elder choosing to drive them to the office himself, even though his driver offered the service. 

In matter of minutes, Daehyun parked in the basement parking lot of the company's building, showing everything to Youngjae on their way.

"Wow, I didn't think that elevator music could be this glamorous," Youngjae used the opportunity to tease him when Daehyun so haughtily bragged about single-handedly picking the right music by himself.

"And to think that they make clay pots this big, wow.." Youngjae even added wide eyes to the mix, making Daehyun pout adorably for being teased about his explanations.

They entered his office after saying hello to his secretary, but with a surprise waiting for them instead.

"It's terracotta actually, but— Victoria?!"

The tall, slim women turned around to face them, after looking through the windows, smiling softly. "Daehyun. Long time no see, huh?"

Daehyun gulped loudly, looking between equally shocked Youngjae and his soon-to-be wife. "What brings you here?" His voice didn't stutter, like his heart was beating hard against his ribcage, and he mentally thanked for all that business training.

"Well, I was in town, so I came to check my fiancé," She smiled so effortlessly, Youngjae noted, with nice, thin but still rosy lips, stretching right in the corners and pulling up to show pearly white teeth. Her eyes were twinkling, like children's, as she tucked a hair strand behind her ear, coming closer to them. "So hello!" Daehyun hugged her back when she leaned in to hug him, closing her eyes out of the comfort of his touch.

Youngjae felt sick.

"Well, you're welcome here anytime, you know that.." Daehyun trailed off, not knowing what to say or do next. He looked up to see his boyfriend, and then his fiancée—how ironic—before going around to sit down in his chair, standing before the big desk in the middle.

"Err, have a seat?" He pointed to Victoria, but Youngjae took the second armchair as well.

"So, we haven't met. I'm Victoria, and you are?" She turned around, still smiling softly, as she extended a hand for Youngjae to shake.

He didn't know what to say, so therefore dumbly answered, "I'm... Youngjae?" before turning to look at Daehyun.

"You don't know your name?" She giggled, like all cutely and feminine, and Youngjae cursed mentally.

"No! I'm Youngjae, I know my name," Youngjae goofed out quite laughingly, before shaking her hand, and looking down to his own lap. "It's just that I didn't expect to see you here."

"Oh, well Daehyun knows that I'm not that often in Seoul, but when I am, I come to visit, right Hyunnie?"

".. Hyunnie?" Youngjae felt like throwing up.

"Oh, that's my nickname for Daehyun, right?" She turned to the man of the hour; the man that was awfully quiet. "And he calls me Vicky, right?" She asked again, raising her eyebrows like an invitation for him to jump in any second.

"... R—Right!" Daehyun cleared his throat, unbuttoning two top buttons of his dress shirt and all the while avoiding Youngjae's piercing gaze.

"So, I was thinking about lunch today, what do you say?" Victoria went back to asking where they could go for their impromptu lunch, suggesting places for them after. 

Youngjae felt like bile was climbing up his throat, making him see red. This was being the second in a relationship felt like, and he felt nauseated and hurt till the end. 

Daehyun occasionally threw brief glances at him, before listening what Victoria was saying next. She was bubbly, and talked fast, but that only added to her charm and beauty. 

Youngjae realized what she had, and what could attract anyone towards her, and then realized with a bitter taste in his mouth what he didn't have, and in all the ways they couldn't even compare. 

"Oh, where are my manners. Youngjae, do you want to come with us?" She asked him directly, not seeing Daehyun's pleading gaze.

But Youngjae needed out. "No, I— It's your day, and you should-should spend it together.. I'm sure that Daehyun would like that," He enhanced his name on purpose, like saying that he wasn't 'Dae' when his fiancée was in the room with them.

They were doing it all wrong, and Youngjae kept repeating that Daehyun didn't love her, he was in love with him. 

But seeing her all eye-smiles and wide grins, made him realize that she loved Daehyun—in more ways than one—and that they were hurting her on purpose.

It didn't matter that they loved each other, when the third part was there, all lively and chatty. 

"I need to go!" He stood up abruptly, cutting off her next sentence, as he went for the door, not even saying goodbye.

This feeling was worse than the one back then when they saw each other for the first time in years. When he felt like falling, with tears covering his face, when everything burned and buzzed.

This was worse, Youngjae realized, as he hurried to the elevator, stomping the button for the door to close like crazy. 

But, like every time, Daehyun was quickly behind him, entering the elevator just in time for the door to close. He pushed the button for the metallic entrance to jam and stay opened, as he pushed into Youngjae's personal space.

"Where are you going? Jae, please, I—"

"I can't do this," Youngjae looked him straight in the eyes. "I thought that she was nothing for you, but I can see that she loves you. She cares for you, Daehyun! She's probably sitting there, in your office, thinking where did you ran off to, and who am I to take part in your life.."

He took a deep breath, wiping at his tears with the back of his hand. "And I thought that maybe if I think hard enough how she doesn't matter, I can be happy with you.. But I can't! She's a human being, with true feelings, that could get hurt, and I know what's that like!"

On that one, Daehyun closed his eyes.

"I don't want to be the one to make her feel like that, because it hurts like a bitch! So I'm sorry for thinking of other people's happiness over-over mine but I can't—" He was sobbing uncontrollably by now, tears streaming down his face, as he tried to get it all out.

"I love you, Dae! I really do! But not like this, please.. Don't make me do this like this. She doesn't deserve it!"

"Jae, please! Please, please, please! Don't leave me! Please!" Daehyun knocked him on the wall behind him, hiding his face in Youngjae's shirt, as he sobbed out loud. "Please.." He was repeating it like mantra, but Youngjae couldn't push him away.

"I'm not leaving you.. I couldn't do it even if I wanted to.. But I just can't do it like this.. Think of it like postponing something until everything clears out, okay?"

"No! No, please!" Daehyun tried again, and without letting him say anything else, pulled Youngjae by his nape, and kissed him feverishly. 

They kissed, nipping and biting everything they could, still crying into the mess.

But lack of air wasn't something that broke them apart. 

It was a sweet, woman's voice, that softly asked, "Daehyun, what does this mean?"

When Youngjae looked up to the voice, he was met with disgusted and confused Victoria, standing frozen at the first step out of the elevator box.


	14. Chapter 14.

The day was actually quite nice. It was sunny and warm, as people mingled the streets, walking to and from work, or getting easy strolls to the first park that was over-packed with families with kids and couples enjoying picnics.

But Youngjae didn't see any of it. 

He was walking slowly, getting used to the buzzing of the traffic, occasionally bumping into people who cursed, yelled or even pushed him back. But he didn't see any of it. 

The first place was his old job. Well, it wasn't old, since he was still legally employed there, but on a leave. Indefinite, true, but still working as a journalist in one of the biggest newspaper in country. And he missed his job.

"Youngjae? What are you doing here?" First, the lady at the reception stopped him from walking down the hall to the first elevator, asking the obvious question.

"Is.. Can I—" His voice sounded strange and foreign even to his ears, so he swallowed down, trying to mutter at least half a smile. It looked creepy instead of warm. "Is Chaelin in?"

She only nodded, narrowing her eyes at his dead eyes, as he went his way. The elevator music was the awkward one, with repetitive tones that were boring and in the same time bugging to ones ears. 

But he tilted his head, ignoring the buzzing in his ears, as much as he tried to meet his own eyes in the reflection of the metallic doors. This wasn't him, he could see that much, but he didn't have a need to examine his dull eyes and cracked lips. 

He didn't even remember biting them on his way over. 

When the door opened up to his floor, his colleagues didn't even spare a glance. So he walked ahead, having only his desk in mind, ignoring occasional glances and prying eyes. 

The chair felt the same, the desk was still clustered with different newspapers and news due to couple of weeks before. It was old, old like him, and Youngjae felt his eyes prickling. 

This was his solitude, something he looked forward to do, and now.. now he felt out of place. 

People were going back and forth, talking loudly on the phones that weren't ringing, and yet, his desk didn't even have a phone. He was shallow, something left behind, something forgotten and he didn't know what else was there. 

The clawing at his chest only hurt louder, his eyes never stopping in watching and following and watching and following around the floor, until he wanted to scream, wanted to get it all out. 

He's lost his job, his apartment, probably his journalist accreditation, and now he's lost Daehyun too. What was he living for, again?

"Youngjae?" 

He turned around, wide eyes and slacked jaw. Chaelin's face morphed from a confused one to petrified, and before he could scream for real, she plucked him from the chair, rushing to her office. 

The blinds were down on glass windows of her panel, as she pushed him to the sofa in the corner, reaching for a pitcher of water. 

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" She poured the water in one glass, but Youngjae saw it double. He nodded, like on default, downing the water through prickle in his throat. It didn't taste like anything, sliding bland, but he still thanked her, lowering the now empty glass on the coffee table in front. 

"Jae?" 

He looked up at that, caught like a deer in headlights, and Chaelin sat beside him. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Did he? 

Did he want to remind himself about what happened? What just took place back at Daehyun's office where the man was left at, where his fiancée walked out like being burned, being followed by distressed Daehyun who didn't know where to check first... Daehyun...

"Daehyun.." Youngjae barely let it cross his lips, before something warm rushed to his eyes, dripping down from his cheeks. He seemed surprised, looking up at his boss for a salvation, but she didn't know what do to either. 

"Hey, hey! Calm down!" Her hands brushed his cheeks, tearing his eyes from her face back to his hands, that were shaking without letting him know about it. He looked up, trying to speak, trying to say something—anything—but nothing came up. 

Everything was dull and boring, and everything he felt was erased. He couldn't tell what was wrong, he couldn't tell her about being in love with someone who was never his, couldn't tell her about a man that kept on breaking his heart. Over and over and over again. 

He was tired. He was empty. And he needed to escape.

"Can I come back?" He barely uttered, surprising Chaelin who tilted her head, sighing out. 

"Jae.."

"Please." Now he was crying but he knew why. He was left tied down and helpless when she gave him a leave. It was needed to be done like that, and he trusted her to take the lead and take care of everything. 

Of course, she was only protecting him, trying to ease the blow batted at both him and his office, but Youngjae couldn't keep away.

"I need to come back and take my job back.." He stood up, pushing her off, and went to look through the windows. But the view only made him dizzy so he turned around, gesturing with his hands.

"I think it will good for me, you know. I've been here for how long?! And you said how I'm a good journalist, you know.." He was pacing around the room, wiping at the stubborn tears that just wouldn't give up. "And now I have the time and the dust is down, and I can come back—"

"Jae.." 

Chaelin stood up, but didn't move from her spot at the couch. He needed to let it out, she understood that much. 

"And when I come back—please let me!—I can take new information about the case—or I don't have to work the case at all, you know.. I mean it was settled already and they didn't touch me after what happened to my place—" He was speaking like running the marathon, winded and hurriedly. Chaelin barely understood anything. 

"To your place? Jae, what happened to your place?"

"Nothing.. Nothing big. It's just stuff thrown and like," A loud gulp of fresh air. "furniture ruined and stuff, but nothing major.. Anyway—"

"Jae, this is more serious than I thought!"

"It's nothing!" He stopped in front of her, taking her hands in both his, pleading with his eyes. "Lin, I need this! Please!"

She sucked in her lips, looking between his moist eyes, trying to think of something. "You're on a paid leave—"

"Then don't pay me anymore! I can work free for.. as much as you need me to!" She could see his eyes, the deranged look, that same look when he was frightened a few years back when some guy of his case decided to follow him to fright him for writing about it, and she was frankly scared.

"Jae.."

"I have nothing left! Nothing!" He screamed, backing her down the couch, enough to bend her over, without throwing her down. "I need this, Chaelin! I need this! Please!" He was begging by now, shaking her with hands, trembling from fear and desperation paining his form. 

"Give me one chance and I could—"

But instead of letting him rant anymore, Chaelin swallowed hard, swinging her right arm and hitting him right across his left cheek. 

Youngjae dropped her hands like being burned, stepping away on shaky legs, looking frightened and surprised. 

"You... you slapped me?!"

"Snap out of it!" 

Youngjae looked her honest eyes, realizing what he's just done, finally catching up with what happened. He was so gone to realize he was hurting her, probably scaring too with crying and pacing and ranting and getting in her face. 

His shoulders dropped, his breath calming down, and he felt like he's got nothing else to give. "I'm sorry." It was honest, it was raw and Chaelin's lips pulled in a tight line. 

"You don't have to be!"

Youngjae looked up, his lips trembling, finding her motherly eyes boring at his face, as he felt the burn behind his nose. It hurt, so badly, that he tried to be strong. He tried to be strong once again, for the same reason of why he developed a thick skin in the first place, but he was at the end of the road here. 

He couldn't pretend anymore, couldn't fight anymore, because it seemed as everything was going against him. Against them. And he pretended to be brave for so long.

"Jae?" Chaelin stepped once ahead, watching him slowly moving to wipe at his eyes, sobbing in both hands. 

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.." He repeated it like mantra, shaking with each breath, trying to inhale, but only choked when the breath got stuck in the lump in his throat. "I tried.. I fucking tried.. I'm done! I'm done!" He whispered, just in time for her arms to catch him as they slid down to the floor, Youngjae breathlessly gasping for air. 

***

"Two beers, please."

"Make that two vodkas."

Chaelin nodded when the bartender shared a look with her, and watched him going away to take their orders. 

They were at the local pub on the end of the street where their office building was, only a couple of minutes away from their work. Chaelin suggested going for a drink, wanting to take Youngjae out of the office so people didn't have anything against him to gossip about. The breakdown was loud and long, and her employees already talked about him being reckless and going against someone so dangerous and powerful in the first place, and only for a spread in the new edition.

Of course, Youngjae nodded without words, wanting something sour and hard to wash his mistakes down. 

"You know, if you want to get drunk fast, you take something really strong. Vodka is just gonna leave a nasty aftertaste." Chaelin picked the bowl with pretzels from the table between them, pushing one through her glossed up lips. 

Youngjae watched her chew, but didn't actually pay attention to her swallowing and chewing another one, since his thoughts were scattered around. 

"Yeah.." He tried to go with her joke, chuckling breathlessly, but it only got out almost as wheezing to his ears. She let him be.

Once their drinks arrived, Youngjae took both glasses, downing one with a hiss afterwards, before looking at the bottom at the other one. "You were right, it's terrible.."

After laughing at his attempt to drink the other one too, the atmosphere was much lighter. They decided to order some beer after all, and Youngjae admitted that it tasted better than the previous attempt in ordering. 

"So.. wanna talk about it?"

Youngjae looked up at his boss from the beer bubbles, huffing out. Eventually he did smile. 

"I broke up with my..." But he didn't know what to call him. Was it really a break up since they weren't really together in the first place?

Chaelin raised her eyebrows, but tucked them down when Youngjae left the sentence hanging. Instead, she adverted the conversation. 

"You know, I was in love one time."

"Aren't you in love right now?" Youngjae teased and Chaelin laughed. 

"Now I love, but just as serious as it is, I remember getting my heart broken for the first time."

Youngjae winced. "Ouch!"

"Yeah.." Even though she talked about something sour and painful, she had a light smile on her lips, looking at him with proudness of getting over it. Somehow, Youngjae believed—in a strange way— that she was actually trying to help him in realizing that everything passes and nothing hurts forever. 

Once again, Youngjae was thankful for having her as a friend.

***

"Come on, big baby.." Chaelin hoisted him up under her arm, trying to spot the door through her hazed, drunk eyes, careful in not dropping even drunker colleague. 

Youngjae was mumbling something under his breath, about spaceships and how they just enjoy being in space without all the drama from Earth and she tried not to drop him from laughing so much. 

That night, Youngjae spent it curled on Chaelin's couch, dreaming about spaceships that had his face watching the take off through the little window on the side of the rocket, that he didn't even know the name of. 

***

"Jae? Oh my God!" 

Youngjae tried to walk through the threshold of Daehyun's massive villa, but he was actually carried inside by his surprised and frightened best friend. Himchan seemed like he was a beggar that just got his first warm meal in weeks, and Youngjae felt bad for not letting him know what had happened and where exactly did he end up last night. 

"I was so scared! I left you million messages, and I didn't know where to look for you!" Himchan pulled him to sit in the living room to the left, but Youngjae shook his head and instead walked the stars to the second floor. 

"Are you alone?" Himchan tilted his head confused at the question, before looking around. 

"Yeah.. Why?" But Youngjae walked in Daehyun's masters bedroom, picking his stuff from the closet. "Youngjae! What is happening?"

"Chan," He turned around to face his best friend, taking his hands in both of his. "I need to leave, okay?"

Himchan jumped the gun to say something, but Youngjae cut him off. "Please, just.. You can stay here, I'm not asking you to come with me, but I need to leave. Right now!"

The bags that were packed with his stuff when they first arrived were left in the bottom of the closet, so Youngjae didn't have to look for it. He tried to make it all nice and folded, but there was no time and dread of meeting with Daehyun was still fresh in his mind. This was his house after all, and he needed to be fast in order to get out of it. 

"Jae.." Himchan tried to stop him, and make him talk but Youngjae was all over the room, packing everything of his he could find. He didn't bother with the closet in the next room, where more of his clothes were, and instead jogged to the bathroom attached to the room, taking out just a couple of things he recognized. 

After all, his brain was working on default, and the nervousness clouded his mind. 

"Youngjae!" Himchan tried again, but he got ignored once again. That until he screamed. "Jae!"

The said man stopped dropping everything in two mismatched bags, sitting down next to them on the bed, exhaling softly. 

"I'm sorry.. I should've said something."

"Yeah, no shit!" Himchan dropped down on the other side of the bags, looking up at him disappointed. "You didn't call me yesterday, I haven't seen Daehyun either, and around two in the morning last night, I got a call from your boss, saying how you're safe and you're crashing at her place?! Jae, what happened?"

Youngjae bit his lower lip, knowing that he made a mistake with not calling his best friend first after what happened. But he didn't have time to talk about everything right now. "I'm sorry for not calling you, or texting or informing you at all."

Himchan didn't say anything. 

"But Dae—Daehyun and I broke up."

On this, Himchan's eyes widened. 

"Broke up?! What? How? When?!"

Youngjae took a deep breath, swallowing his stress. "We went to his office yesterday—" Himchan nodded, he knew that much. "And his fiancée was there—"

His best friend gasped. "Victoria?! She's in the country?!"

"Yes. Apparently she had some work in Korea and she dropped by to see Daehyun too. And you can think of the rest," Youngjae stood up again, ready to pack his stuff, but Himchan's hand stopped him. 

"Jae..."

"I'm fine, Channie." He turned to smile at his best friend, mustering all of the energy in that one smile, curving his lips in unnatural way. "I don't have to talk about it, I was at Chaelin's place last night because we got drunk at the pub on the corner of the office building, and I'm here to pick my stuff because I'm not gonna continue living here." He explained everything in one breath, bending down to kiss Himchan's forehead, before rustling around in a search for his things. 

"I'm gonna kill him this time, Jae. I swear to God, he's—"

Youngjae started laughing, walking back from the closet with the last bunch of his clothes, dropping everything down in the half-full bag opened up on the bed. 

"I appreciate the offer, Chan. But I don't think that's necessary."

"But he hurt you again!"

Youngjae raised his brows for a second, swallowing down next exhale. "This time, it's the other way around.."

Himchan was silent for a couple of minutes, looking at him with bewildered look, before tilting his head, the question already hanging from his tongue. 

But Youngjae had beaten him to it. "I cut if off, you know.. Before it got really serious and we couldn't get out of it." When Himchan still didn't speak, Youngjae continued. "It's for the best, really."

"But you two love each—"

"I don't need to be reminded, Chan!" And that was that. 

Youngjae packed his bags, hugged Himchan for the longest and hailed a cab. His best friend stood at the street with him, waiting for the ride to come, and all the while dying to ask him how he was. 

"I'm fine, Channie!" Youngjae repeated every time with the biggest smile on his face, touching his soft cheek. "This is nothing for me! I'm fine!"

"Are you sure? I don't believe it!" His cab was already there, the bags were taken to the trunk by the driver, and Youngjae was still feigning that he was fine. He didn't need to fool anyone, especially not Himchan, but the elder was with him through it all, acting through all the drama in Youngjae's life, and he just didn't want to make him go through it all again. 

He was brave and strong and he could deal with it all by himself. 

Youngjae stood at the opened door, smiling widely as Himchan hugged him again, asking about his whereabouts. 

"I think I'm gonna crash at some hotel for the time being." He didn't want to say that he was thinking about going to their ruined apartment, since that meant that he was putting himself in the danger on purpose, and it was enough for Himchan to let him go. 

When the driver started the car and went ahead, Youngjae failed to see a lone figure standing on the windows of the living room in Daehyun's house, watching him leave. 

***

"Youngjae? You're back!"

When he went to work that morning, he greeted everyone with soft smiles and brief handshakes. They might've talked about him and what happened, but they all seemed polite enough to drop the gossips and welcome him back. 

Especially one of his colleague that even hugged him when Youngjae walked to his desk in the corner. 

"Yeah, I'm back." He smiled at the ecstatic looking Jaebum, asking about his wellbeing and what was he up to.

"When boss said that you're on a leave, I was honestly so scared." 

Youngjae thanked him softly when Jaebum brought them both coffee from the vending machine, sitting next to him on the couch in the common room. 

"It was scary, alright. I was hoping you were safe, though."

"Oh, I was. I am!" Jaebum smiled with his eyes slothing into slits, and Youngjae had to smile with him. He then offered to open the can of coffee for Youngjae and he smiled bashfully when Jaebum opened it after two attempts. 

"Sorry," 

But Youngjae thought it was cute. 

"Are you back at your flat? I've heard what happened.." Youngjae smiled sadly after the question, downing the half the can in one gulp.

"Actually, I'm kinda crashing here for now," Jaebum seemed confused at where here is exactly, but when Youngjae pointed back to his desk and two bags underneath it, he quickly nodded. 

"But you can come to my place!"

"Oh, I don't want to burden you—"

"You could never!"

And before Youngjae could object and say how the couch in the common room is just fine, Jaebum was out, running to his desk to pick his bag and show him a way.

***

"You live alone?"

"Well, kinda.. I have a roommate, but he's mostly at his girlfriend's place." 

Youngjae nodded as Jaebum unlocked his door, letting him enter first. The place seemed nice and comfortable, and Youngjae smiled as his host showed him the way to his bedroom. 

"You can sleep in here," There was one bed, two windows, one desk and one closet. But there were pictures thrown everywhere, at least three cameras set on top of the desk and at least dozen of shirts just laying around on different furniture. "Sorry about the mess," Jaebum scratched his neck, feeling embarrassed. But Youngjae dismissed it quickly. 

"We're both guys right? It's only natural." 

Jaebum showed him the rest of the flat, explaining everything, before leading him back to his bedroom. "As I said, you can sleep in here,"

"But there's only one bed.."

Jaebum positively blushed at the innuendo, and quickly corrected that he meant that he would take the living room instead.

"Oh, I couldn't impose like that!"

"You're my guest! I'm insisting!"

Youngjae sucked his lips, nodding slowly and softly to the offer. When Jaebum laughed widely, he thought how he made one colleague really happy right now. 

Youngjae sat down on the queen-sized bed, looking around. "You have a nice place."

Jaebum sat close by, following his eyes. "Thanks.. I tried changing some stuff here and there, but it mostly ends the same."

They shared a small talk, about sleeping positions and sides of the bed they preferred, and how they both couldn't sleep with more than two duvets since they get too hot too fast. Before Youngjae could realize it, Jaebum moved closer and closer, until their thighs were pressed against each other, their faces only inches away.

"Youngjae," Jaebum stuttered a little, looking between his eyes and lips before he could notice. 

Youngjae turned to him, a soft 'yeah?' falling from his mouth when their lips met in a brief and silent kiss. It was just lips pressed on each other, chaste peck left at the bow of his upper one, but Youngjae was pulling away even before fully registering what just happened. 

"Um.. Sorry, I just.. I have to—I gotta go back to.. um.. the office! Yeah," He was quick on his feet, following the hall to the exit, walking out without even sparing a glance at the blushing colleague who touched his lips softly. 

What he missed, also, was a car starting at the corner of the street, not that far away from him when he stepped outside, seemingly merging in the buzz of the street. 

But it was much closer and much deadlier than just a mere coincidence. 

***

Himchan ran from his work to the building where Daehyun's office was perched on the top, not even stopping when the light of the traffic turned to red. He couldn't hear the honks blasting for him to be careful and watch it, couldn't even comprehend talking or calling anyone else, only thinking about Daehyun and seeing him first.

The lady at the reception yelled after him to stop, but he felt the adrenaline in his veins, blinding everything else out. He ran the stars to the top floor, only stopping once to catch his breath, before dropping through the door of Daehyun's floor, ignoring even his secretary that politely asked for his visit. 

The door of his office were plastered on the wall attached to it next, when Himchan dropped down on his desk, wheezing his breath out. 

"Himchan?" Daehyun was confused, standing up from his desk chair, walking closer to collect him from the top surface, also telling his secretary it was fine for him to barge in like this.

"Dae-Dae.." He couldn't gulp enough air as he needed, and Daehyun pinched his brows when he noticed the sweaty forehead that glistened under the artificial light of the room. And Himchan hated sweating. 

"It's.. It's.."

"Breathe, Himchan!"

"It's Youngjae!"

Everything went through Daehyun's body in two second that he needed to register that name, and when his eyes bulged out of his sockets, Himchan spoke a little bit better. 

"It's Jae, Daehyun! He's in the hospital!"


	15. Chapter 15.

"Eat something, Chan. Please!" 

Himchan looked up to see his boyfriend, still in his work attire, forcefully pushing the snack from the vending machine into his hands. He couldn't even say no when Yongguk sat down next to him, already tearing the plastic open. 

"Thanks," Himchan took it, but the sandwich never reached his lips. Yongguk closed his eyes, sighing again. 

"Have they been out? Saying anything?"

Himchan only shook his head. Yongguk took it upon himself to stand up and knock on the doors where the nurse went through the last time he asked. Which she did once again, saying how the patient was still in the operation room, and how they don't have anything new to tell him. 

So he went back to Himchan's side, this time feeding him with the snack, ignoring his muttering about not being hungry. "You haven't eaten anything in almost 24 hours, Chan! Please, for me."

When he looked up to the pouting mess of the policeman, Himchan nodded, muttering a small smile. So he began eating, swallowing back tears that kept coming. 

***

Another hour passed. The silence was invaded with white noise of the hospital wing they were still seated in, but Himchan could only hear his blood rushing to his ears, then drowning him once again. 

He couldn't even stand up, waiting patiently for any sign of doctors coming through. Every voice brought his eyes back on the doors with big bold 'Operations' written over both sides, and each swing of the door brought more devastation to his already worried mind. 

Yongguk had left some time ago, needing to take care of his shift back at the station, before he promised to come back as soon as possible. He hated the idea of leaving Himchan all by himself to wait, but when his partner called to alarm about his job being on the line, Himchan basically pushed him out of the waiting room. 

It's been a while since he'd last heard of Daehyun too.

They arrived together this morning, but it's been more than sixteen hours since the man came by. And frankly, Himchan couldn't blame him. 

But he did. 

He did, so much, because there he was, sitting helplessly in front of the operation room where Youngjae was fighting for his life for the past day, and Daehyun was nowhere to be found. 

Himchan swallowed the bitter tears that made him gush out again, dread filling him up to the brim. He couldn't even sit still, he couldn't tear his eyes off the doors, yearning to hear something. Anything!! 

They didn't even say what had happened to Youngjae. They only pushed him inside, stopped Himchan from entering pass the certain point, and stayed mute 'till now. 

Youngjae was in a car accident, they said when the ambulance wheeled him in, but that was that. Himchan saw him only in passing, and he's never seen so much blood ever before.

He was feeling each fiber in his body standing up, fully awake, completely aware. Because his best friend was fighting for his life, and here he was, totally helpless to do anything. Stupid enough to stay away, to let him go. And a horrible friend to not be by his side. 

"Hey, hey!" Himchan felt two hands pulling his own away from his chest, when he looked up to the mortified Yongguk stopping him from punching himself some more. He didn't even realize the pain that his own hands brought to his body, and when he gasped for air, Yongguk's arms were around him in a second. "I'm here! I'm here, love! Shh, please, please.."

"They hate me! They don't want to tell me! They—" He was hyperventilating, gasping for some sense to stay awake, to stay in this realm, and Yongguk only tightened around him. 

"I can't! I can't take it anymore!"

Before he could say anything else, the doors opened up, and Himchan looked to the left out of instinct. But when he realized that those doors didn't open, and the one on the opposite side did, he saw a distressed Daehyun running up to them. 

"What happened?! Where is he? Is he out? Have they finished? Himchan, please, is he out?!" Himchan stood up from Yongguk's arms, swallowing down. 

"... We.. don't know, Dae. We still don't know." 

Daehyun's back were sweaty when he hugged him close, feeling his whole being trembling with fear. Once he heard his pained whimpers, Daehyun's tears soaking his shirt, did Himchan realize he couldn't ever question his love and dedication to Youngjae. He was here now, and that counted. 

"Where were you?" Yongguk hugged his best friend too, staying at each side, in case anybody threatened to do something else. He was their rock, and he needed to be there this time as well. 

"I was with the police, and they dont't have anything, yet." Daehyun was still trying to speak, wiping at his eyes as soon as the tears overpowered him, spilling over the edges. As he frantically looked around, not even Yongguk could stop him from bolting out of the seat, and practically thumping with all of his strength on the nurses' station. "Open up, please! Tell me something!"

When Yongguk pulled him away, he was struggling to keep up, reaching over his shoulder, sending tight fists into Yongguk's arm. "Please!" He slid down to the ground, feeling the coldness of the tiled floor with his forehead, whimpering slowly. "Anything!"

Just as the nurse came out to warn them once again, the right door on their left swung open, as a bloodied doctor came out. 

Himchan couldn't move as Yongguk stood up, pulling Daehyun off the floor. He couldn't hear him either, and everything came rushing in the full speed. Tears were blurring his vision when Yongguk lowered his head, looking at Daehyun who stood equally terrified. 

When he inhaled sharply, Himchan knew it was all over. 

***

"He looks peaceful," 

Yongguk looked up from cradling Himchan's hand in both his. Daehyun was at his side, swallowing back tears. 

Himchan tried to pull Daehyun off the floor, but the male was still kneeling, trying to touch some of his face. Most of it was behind a big bandage that covered his forehead, going around his head, and stopping just bellow his ear, but the rest was awfully bruised, almost not recognizable at all. 

"You're still you," They heard Daehyun talking, softly. "And I'm still me... You maybe wish that wasn't the case, but I'm still here, painfully determined as ever."

Himchan smiled through tears, closing his eyes. Yongguk only squeezed his hand tighter. 

"And I still love you, Jae!" Daehyun kissed the back of his hand, whispering the same sentence to his painfully blue veins popping out. He was cold, colder than normal, and Daehyun wanted to scoop him inside his arms, and make it all better. But he couldn't. 

"I still love you, Youngjae! So much, so much, so—" He couldn't speak through tears, swallowing it down as soon as they came. But he was a stubborn one, after all. 

"And I'm sorry for ever making you sad, or cry, or feel like I'm feeling right now. Because I wish you'd come back, Jae! I wish you'd come back to me, and look me with your beautiful eyes, and tell me how dumb I am! For loving you, for trying, for waiting..." 

This was their moment, and Yongguk pulled Himchan to the side. He was shaking like a leaf, and even Yongguk couldn't stop it now. 

"But I'm still waiting for you, Jae. And I would wait for you 'till the end of our lives, because I don't need anything else! I don't need anything when I'm with you, Youngjae! I wish you could realize that! I wish you could see that.." Daehyun stood up, kissing the bandage over his head, stilling when a wet spot emerged from the tears. 

"Love, please... Come back to me! Please Jae!" He whispered at Youngjae's face, kissing both his closed eyelids, feeling the coldness under his lips. "Please, please!"

"Dae," Yongguk called his name when a nurse came in through the doors, stopping at the scene. 

But Daehyun couldn't stop, couldn't stay away. He was still muttering softly only for Youngjae to hear, and Himchan had to come and slowly pull him away. "Daehyun, he needs to go."

"No, he still doesn't know, and I need to tell him, and maybe he could hear me, and—"

But the nurse came by, and without looking at any of them, pushed the table on which Youngjae was laying out of the room, closing the doors softly behind. The silence in the room was deafening, and even Yongguk's heart broke at Daehyun's state. 

***

"Doctor!" Daehyun ran down the hall, stopping the shorter male from entering the room at their right. 

"Ah, Daehyun. What can I do for you?"

"Anything new?"

He was breathless, running up the stairs, not having enough patience to wait for the elevator to arrive. But when the doctor exhaled, shaking his head, the punch to the gut really took his breath away.

"I'm afraid it's still the same." The man looked through the little window on the patient's door, eyes falling down on the body laying still. "He's still weak for us to tell you anything. We're running tests, and keeping a close watch, but..."

"But?" Daehyun squeezed out. 

The doctor sighed once again. "Daehyun, he's still in a coma. We don't know how long that could take. Maybe another week, maybe a year, and maybe—"

"Yes?" 

"I don't know what else to say you. I've told you the same last time too. And the time before. And the first time you stopped me."

Daehyun nodded, allowing the man to go into Youngjae's room, and monitor his current state. They said he could wake up one day. It's been three months since they said so. 

And when Youngjae's state worsen, they said how might not even wake up anymore, that he might stay alive only on machines stuck to his body, keeping him alive. It's been six months since they told him that. 

The last week, they even told him how he might think about the worst. And Daehyun couldn't even let them finish. When he looked at the body thinning over time, with the IV being plugged in, he saw the love of his life. 

And what if there were tubes clogging his veins, and bandages being replaced daily, Daehyun still found him impossibly beautiful. Impeccably stunning, and effortlessly his. 

He could never take him off the lifeline that pushed his heart to beat longer. He could only love him 'till his own dying breath. 

The doctor exited the room in another twenty minutes, smiling softly. "He's a tough one, Daehyun. Must have a lot to live for."

Daehyun entered the room next, smiling ear to ear when the familiar beep of the machines reached his ears. "Hello, love. How are you feeling today?" He dropped a fresh bouquet of flowers in the vase next to the windows, taking out the almost withered once that he brought in last night. 

"I'm good, thank you for asking," He said instead, shaking the jacket off. Daehyun walked to the bed, sitting on the edge. "I'm better now that I got to see you, love." First he touched Youngjae's pulse in the side of his wrist, reminding himself that he was still there, breathing, being alive. 

Then he lowered down, kissing the back of his hand where tubes were coming out, careful in not disturbing them in any way. When nothing happened, Daehyun lowered it down, patting the thin skin with soft palm. 

"The doctor said how you're a tough one, Jae. That you have a lot to live for..." Daehyun kissed his forehead, leaving a confession only for Youngjae to hear. "And I didn't tell him that you do,"

Another kiss, being left on Youngjae's temple. "Because you're the brave one, the stronger one, love.." He kissed his cheek too, before backing away. "And I'm so proud of you, Jae. Because once again, you're fighting, love."

The fresh pair of sheets that Daehyun bought the last week were replaced once again, and he made sure it was tucked nicely, keeping Youngjae warm. He didn't have much to do, except sit down and talk to Youngjae, which doctors actually recommended. 

So Daehyun brought a new book that he's been reading for the past week, and opened it up on the last page he'd read. "We can continue this, or," There was a newspaper tucked under his arm, and Daehyun brought it out, straightening pages. "This! I know you'd liked to read it anyway, so I made sure to buy today's issue, as well."

Since this was technically still newspaper from Youngjae's work, he made sure to read it to him almost every day, finding a little message on the last page dedicated to Youngjae's fast recovery. 

"Chaelin said hi," Daehyun finished the last title with a smile, seeing Chaelin's signature under the message from his redaction. "They can't wait to have you back, love."

Youngjae didn't have any reaction, of course, but Daehyun still folded the papers and stood up to read him the message. "'... To our Jae. - CL.' Isn't that nice?" 

Daehyun leaned down, leaving another kiss on Youngjae's covered collarbone, tucking the blanket better over his shoulders. 

When he checked the wristwatch, he still had some time before having to go back to his work, but Daehyun didn't want to share that information with Youngjae. He had to work every day, because amongst all the work he's had at his job, he still worked on getting everything done for when Youngjae woke up. 

The hope for his recovery never wavered in Daehyun's mind, that even Himchan and Yongguk praised it each time. But he was hopeful about spending some time with Youngjae after his recovery, and Daehyun worked for that only. 

"Jae, I still carry this around," Daehyun sat down next to him on the bed, taking a photo from his wallet. There on the slightly teared picture were two smiling boys, hugging close, holding peace signs high in the air. 

Straitening it up, Daehyun smiled down to the happy tandem that they used to be back in college, and just how much time has passed from then. "I remember when we took it," His fingers danced around the smiling Youngjae's face looking directly in the camera, his dimpled smiles overpowering the picture all together. He was always the one to blind the whole world with his smile, and something shifting in Daehyun's chest. 

"You were angry with me that day," He chuckled, looking back to the sleeping face of his love. "And you were ignoring me, whenever I asked for your forgiveness... Well, maybe I didn't ask bluntly like that, but I remember trailing behind you like a lost puppy."

Daehyun closed his eyes at the memory. "You even said how pitiful I looked while pouting,"

Taking a deep breath, he looked back at the photo. "And then Himchan took this photo, as a reminder of that time when you called me cute for being so pitiful, and I swear your blush was visible even through the lens."

He tucked the photo back into the wallet after looking at it for some time, gulping down the sudden overwhelm. "I remember how I needed to tickle your sides just to crack a smile on that pretty face." Youngjae breathed slowly, only a tube hiding his face from being completely only for Daehyun to see. "Even Himchan said how enamored we were. And then you got angry with him too, because you couldn't fall for me even in my wildest dreams. Your words, not mine."

Daehyun took his frail hand in both his, warming it up. When he looked up to Youngjae's face, he could swear his eyelids shifted. "If I knew back then that we could've been together even then..." He left it hanging, not wanting to kick himself some more for being so dumb in the first place, for more than one thing, but foremost for not realizing his feelings earlier... Daehyun couldn't think about it anymore. 

"Anyway, it doesn't matter, right? Because now we have the rest of our lives to figure things out.. We have us. You have me, and hopefully I have you." 

The eyelids stopped moving, and Daehyun stopped talking. He took one deep breath, wiping at his cheeks. "I'm sorry, love, but I have to go now."

Standing up, he made sure to drop kisses on both Youngjae's cheeks, pushing his overgrown hair out of his eyes. "But I'll come back later, like always."

He left just one last confession on his lips, not quite touching because he knew that Youngjae would've been mad for not being awake through all of their kisses. He said it himself, too. 

So without turning around, Daehyun left the room, something heavy settling behind his heart. 

***

"Good morning, Mr. Jung."

Daehyun looked up from the manila folder in his hands, nodding at the recognition. "Ah, Mr. Kim, welcome, welcome. Please sit down."

The man took off his coat, hanging it over the backside of the chair pulled up to Daehyun's desk, and sat down. "Thank you. Ah, nothing for me, thank you." He politely declined when Daehyun offered him something to drink. 

"So, what do you have for me." Daehyun sat down across from him, undressing his suit jacket. "I'm listening."

"You might need to see this for yourself." The man pushed the envelope over the desk, reaching Daehyun's folded hands on top of it. 

When he looked into his eyes, the man shook his head, inhaling softly. "I've been doing this for over fifteen years, and I haven't ever seen anything like this."

Daehyun untucked the thread around the button on the thick envelope, and turned the side up. When he pulled the files out, it was even thicker than the last time when the man visited, and Daehyun looked up when he started getting explanations. 

"On the first page you can see the detailed plan of the whole operation." He looked down to the paper. "From the cites, to the people behind it all. And then—"

Daehyun turned the page when the man gestured it and started reading from the top. "So this the man behind it all?"

The man nodded, then shifted in his seat. "Yes... But—"

"But?"

He seemed uneasy when Daehyun looked him in the eyes, and again gulped down. He might regretted not accepting a drink before. "Well, he's very powerful, and there's this empire behind him, and he might be—"

"I don't care about him anymore. But this is interesting." Daehyun was still reading through, making sure to keep each page untack. This was evidence after all, and he was so close to finishing his work. Youngjae deserved the truth. Plus, this was a personal vendetta after all. 

"Are you sure you want to against Mr. Kim Jaejoong? He's a dangerous man, you might hurt yourself if you—"

Daehyun slapped the file in his hand, sending it over the tabletop, successfully cutting the man's words. 

"Don't worry about anything, Mr. Kim." He cuffed his shirt, looking him straight in the eyes. "This is personal now."

***

"Himchan?"

The called man turned around, a smile fitting on his face when he spotted who was almost running behind him. "Chaelin? So good to see you."

Chaelin smiled before hugging him close, staying close when they separated. "Are you going to the third?"

Himchan nodded, pressing the button for the elevator to arrive. "I am. I haven't visited Jae in the last two days because of work, and I feel guilty now."

"Same here," Chaelin giggled, checking her work attire that she didn't have time to change out of. "The work's been hectic, and as much as I'd love to go and see him each day, I can't."

They fell into a pleasant silence, only accompanied with the elevator music, until the door beeped and the box stopped moving. "Can't wait to tell him about this new client we've got," Himchan hurried out, being followed by Youngjae's boss, and they talked until reaching his room number.

"They transferred him to this floor last month, since the doctor said how his condition was getting better," Himchan explained, and Chaelin confirmed, telling him what she's heard from Youngjae's doctor too.

"... And then— Daehyun?"

When they opened the door to Youngjae's room, their friend wasn't alone. 

"He's awake, Himchan! Chaelin! He opened his eyes!" Daehyun hurried to pull them into the room, all three of them stopping at the edge of the bed, where Youngjae seemed as peaceful as ever. 

Everyone must've been holding their breaths, because when Youngjae whimpered softly, they all gasped. 

"Jae? Jae, we're here." Himchan took his hand, as Chaelin said how she's gonna get the doctor to come and check him. 

Daehyun was at Youngjae's other side, holding his hand tightly, giving him all the time he needed. They took his breathing tube weeks ago, because his condition was getting better each passing day, and by now Youngjae could breathe by himself, completely normal. 

This was the last step in his recovery, because the doctor said how Youngjae was to wake up either really soon, or fall into a even deeper coma, once again. 

So you could imagine Daehyun's surprise when he sat down next to his bed, like he usually did, and started talking, only stopping when Youngjae moved, cracking one eye open. 

He still hadn't said anything, more because of the half daze in which his body was still in, but because of the voice that could only groan from not being used in so long, too. 

Both Himchan and Daehyun held their breaths, waiting for Youngjae to open his eyes again, and when he did, there was a groan falling from his lips. 

"Chan, dim the lights." Daehyun ordered, and in the next second Himchan tuned down the artificial lights hanging from the ceiling. The room dawned down to a soft hue, only illuminating enough for them to see each others' faces. 

Youngjae took a deep breath, like being pulled out of the deep water, still feeling like he was floating somewhere between reality and dreams. But Himchan and Daehyun waited patiently, taking their time in sharing glances. 

When Youngjae looked at the side first, his eyes fell on Daehyun's face first, all teared up and blindingly smiling. He blinked once. Then again. Nothing happened. 

So Youngjae looked to the other side, finding equally teary Himchan holding his other hand, pressing his lips into a thin line. But Youngjae still didn't say anything. 

The patient looked up to the ceiling again, blinking softly to the lights. When he looked down to Daehyun again, they saw his struggle in trying to speak. 

"Love, don't pressure yourself. Take your time!" Daehyun palmed his temples, brushing softly, the softest. He was still weak and dazed, and they had to be careful after all. 

Just then, Chaelin burst in through the door with Youngjae's doctor at her tail, both stopping at the scene. Youngjae looked at the newcomer, taking in both of their faces slowly, before looking back up to Daehyun. 

His chapped lips started moving softly, as his lungs tried collecting enough air to push out the words, and when they did, the whole room fell silent. 

"... Who.. are you?"


	16. Chapter 16.

It's been two weeks. 

Well, two weeks, three days and a couple of hours. But who's counting. 

Daehyun was. 

He was trying to forget each moment where the love of his love didn't recognize him, still not remembering their time together, his family or even close friends. But each second ticked by, being engraved into his mind like a clockwork, almost torturing him more. 

Youngjae was still pretty much silent, not talking about anything, even when being asked. He couldn't put a name to Himchan's face, and his best friend had been trying almost too desperately to repeat it each chance he's gotten. 

The doctor explained to Youngjae's friends how his condition could get better over time, since it wasn't supposed to be permanent, but how it also depended on Youngjae. 

Traumatic amnesia, the man had finally said, and Daehyun felt the air getting kicked out of his lungs. He was in a car accident, his head had a trauma at the side where he either collided with the concrete after falling or worse, getting hit directly by car, and he was in a coma for six months as well. It was one of the expected courses of events, but Daehyun still hated how this had to happen to Youngjae. 

To his Youngjae that opened his eyes for the first time after six months, not recognizing his face.

It's not that the younger wasn't trying. On contrary, he was writing names and little quirks of each person that walked through the doorstep of his room, but just before closing his eyes for the day, he couldn't even remember the faces that were connected to the names in his little notebook. 

He was still fearful each day when somebody new, to his mind at least, knocked on the other side of his room's door, walking in even without getting a verbal confirmation to do so. Because he was scared one of these days, it wouldn't be a friendly face.

One thing that Youngjae could remember successfully were little small objects and trinkets that his friends agreed to carry each day. It was something small, something each could take in their coat pocket, and bring out whenever they visited. 

So that's how in the first couple of days, Youngjae remembered that Himchan was the one holding a little thimble with coral peach edges, hidden every time on his pointer finger where Youngjae could spot it easily. The man with the little addition explained how his passion revolved around creating, designing and eventually sewing clothes, and that's how Youngjae wrote him down in his little book. 

_Himchan: black hair; tall; skinny; thimble for fashion, says he's my best friend; cooks me food; brings our photos; I don't see myself in any of them. ___

__Next in line was a pretty lady that carried a golden pen whenever she visited, going by the name Chaelin. She didn't have problems with explaining it each time for Youngjae to try to remember or at least engrave in his mind, because she promised she was his boss and how they've been worked together for almost four years now._ _

___Chaelin: blond hair; high heels; golden pen for journalist; my boss? brings me newspaper. ____ _

____Himchan sometimes visited with his boyfriend that Youngjae couldn't remember the name of even if he tried writing it on his hand million times. There's something scary about the man whenever he walked in, before meeting his eyes, smiling honestly. Himchan assured him each time how Yongguk was a diligent and brave man that has been working on trying to find who did this to him._ _ _ _

_____Yongguk: buff; scary; is trying to help me? Himchan's boyfriend; doesn't have anything; but brings Himchan every time he visits; policeman. ____ _ _ _

______What this was, Youngjae still didn't understand. He knew that he was still in a hospital and how he didn't have a home at the moment. Himchan tried to explain it better, but Youngjae eventually forgot about it by the time he was left alone in the room once again._ _ _ _ _ _

______The doctor didn't have to carry anything remarkable with him every time he visited, because he brought his stethoscope to hear his heart, and a small flashlight to see his eyes with the glaring light. Youngjae remembered that much, but still flinched apprehensive whenever the tall doctor approached closer._ _ _ _ _ _

______Those three people on top of his lists were almost regular with visits. Daily, sometimes every other day, and sometimes even two times a week. Youngjae couldn't resent them for not being regular, because he couldn't remember which day someone visited, what any of them brought, or even what their trinkets exactly were._ _ _ _ _ _

______But there was one person who visited him daily, almost two times a day, and Youngjae felt bad whenever their eyes met, with him having to look down to the paper to remember the name too._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Daehyun?" He repeated it again, like hearing it for the first time, trying to remember for the future reference. The man smiled from the entrance, ignoring how Youngjae had to pull a notebook from underneath his pillow to match the face with the name, holding his own little item of recognition._ _ _ _ _ _

_______Daehyun: brown hair; kind eyes; warm smile, a friend? comes by every day; brings me flowers; sings me to sleep; stays the most; says how he's doing everything in helping me even when I don't need help; the doctor likes him; sometimes visits with Himchan and Yongguk; works close by; I don't know what; carries a silver necklace; a pretty knot one. ____ _ _ _ _ _

________"Hello again, Youngjae. How are you feeling?" Daehyun brought in another bouquet of flowers, pink tulips today. Youngjae smiled at the soft scent of the flowers as the taller changed them in the vase beside his table, taking the flowers from yesterday with him to the trash can in the corner of the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Good. A little headache, but I'm okay." He pulled upwards on the bed more, almost too bored to lay anymore. Even if he didn't know which one would arrive today, or even if anybody would visit him again, Youngjae still felt somewhat calm whenever he saw the knot necklace hanging from the man's throat, quickly confirming it with his little notebook that Daehyun was the one bending down for a hug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________To be honest, Youngjae was trying to remember his name the hardest. And each time he closed his eyes, the name softly falling from his lips until sleep caught up with him, he was angry again with himself when he woke up with nothing new added to his messed up mind._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He knew that it wasn't normal to just not remember anything, especially people that seemed important in his life, but Youngjae still didn't understand what was wrong. Maybe he was born with it, and people around him have stuck enough with him to still be patient, or maybe it was something else that caused it, and people around him were really strangers in his life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________His doubt didn't stop there, as he was left alone most of the time of the day. Youngjae's mind ventured from wanting to see someone, anyone with remotely familiar face, to feeling dread that some name from his list would visit next and finally go against him from not remembering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It was difficult to not trust your own judgement, because Youngjae was mostly confused, stuck somewhere between his fresh memories, like what new picture Himchan had brought with him, and thinking how those people were only there to use him for whatever._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________So he collected enough courage one day and asked his doctor after the examination about people visiting him each day. The man hugged the stethoscope to his collarbones again, sitting down on the chair next to his bed. He had a kind smile when he explained it once again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________"You have four names on that list, right?" Youngjae only nodded. "And those four people are only ones allowed to visit you each day."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Youngjae blanched, looking down to trace the foreign names with his persistent eyes. "Why only them? Don't I have anyone else in my life?" When doctor shrugged, he asked again. "Do I even have them in my life?" He pointed to the paper with his handwriting, watching as the doctor stood up from the chair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________"Those are people that you can trust. They've been with you even before you had an accident and—"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Youngjae's voice hitched. "A-Accident?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________"It's still early, Youngjae." The doctor walked up to the door, stopping just at the threshold. "I need to ask once again - do you have anything new in your mind? Anything new that you remember that wasn't there yesterday?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________He blinked up to the doctor, trying to spot anything he could share with the man. Yesterday he was visited by... Youngjae couldn't remember. His eyes glazed over when he tried to remember at least what was for lunch, but he couldn't even remember what he's had for breakfast this morning. It was almost gut-punching to realize how your mind was a never ending black hole that swallowed up everything, hiding each new experience from you._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________When he threw the notebook off the bed in frustration, the doctor walked to pick it up. "Relax. It's alright. It's still alright. You're making a progress."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________"What progress if I can't even remember why I wrote these names here!" He pointed to the notebook that was back in his hands. "I wish..." One tear slipped down his dry cheek, reaching the corner of his mouth. "I just wish for something.."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________The doctor patted his back in a comforting manner, before leaving without another word. He couldn't say anything else to try to ease his situation, because Youngjae had to remember it by himself. And it was damn difficult. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Youngjae?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He looked up from his daze of remembering a conversation that he'd had with his doctor just this morning, smiling softly when he saw Daehyun standing at the foot of his bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Are you alright?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When Daehyun asked, he forgot why wasn't he listening in the first place, and another set of dread filled him up. Just moments before he could remember something but now... blank page._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He looked down to his notebook, out of habit, and found four names written nicely on a single page. Reading through them, Youngjae lifted his eyes to find a trinket in the man's hands, or in the front pocket of his dress shirt, but saw a knot necklace hanging from his neck instead. Daehyun._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Do you remember who I am?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Youngjae nodded softly because he was still fresh in his mind, having arrived only half an hour before. His mind could remember as much. "I do. I remember you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When Daehyun beamed proudly, almost wishfully, Youngjae closed the notebook, pushing it to the side. He felt bad once again. "Don't get your hopes up, I'll forget about you 'till this evening."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He could see from the corner of his eye how Daehyun's exhaled, dropping his head down, but there was nothing else that Youngjae could've done. His mind was stupid, he was stupid and everyone was stupid for coming back to him. After all, he was a lost cause._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I brought you your favorite fruit," Daehyun finally remembered it, taking a full bag from the chair in the corner, where he probably placed it upon arriving._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Let me guess, I don't know my own favorite fruit."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Daehyun sighed out at the tone. "Jae..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"But you know." He snapped. "Because that's normal!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He stood up from the bed, marching up to Daehyun. "What is it? Huh?" Youngjae was quick enough to tear the bag from Daehyun's hands without the taller releasing it in time, ending with dozen oranges getting sprawled out on the floor. "What is this?!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Jae.." By now, Youngjae was practically hysterical, wanting to scream out of his skin, when Daehyun's arms caught him from falling. "Jae, I'm here.."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I don't care!!" He yelled, trashing around, not seeing when a couple of nurses burst through the door upon hearing the commotion. "Why don't you just leave me alone!? I don't know you!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Daehyun signaled to the staff to leave them alone, as Youngjae trashed, screaming loudly. "Don't come back! Leave!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He was pushed softly to the bed where his trashing stopped at the calm demeanor that Daehyun always had. It was pissing him off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Youngjae thought this would be enough to break him, to release the anger that the other man must've felt for him, for the situation, for Youngjae still not remembering shit, but Daehyun was once again patient with him, trying to make him to lay down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When it was a futile attempt, he picked Youngjae up, rearranging his limbs to he was sitting next to him, being hugged close to Daehyun's chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Youngjae on the other hand stopped crying, calming down with soft strokes that Daehyun gave his hair, as he inhaled deeply, releasing the stress of having an episode once again. But he didn't know how often this kind of outburst has happened in the same room where he's been almost locked for almost seven months now, and how Daehyun was each time there to pick him up and patch him together._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Youngjae snuggled closer to the warmth of the other, finding solace in his arms. Daehyun smiled softly, watching the younger cuddling like a hurt puppy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Why do you stay? Why do you come back?" His voice came muffled through Daehyun's shirt, and without moving, Youngjae huffed out. Somehow, he knew that those names on the paper came back always, no matter how many times Youngjae has forgotten about them, and how many times he has to read the lines for even a brief remembering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I'm not worth it."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Because I love you." It was simple, it was honest and Daehyun's been saying it each time when something like this had happened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Like hearing it for the first time, which was true in his mind, Youngjae backed away like being burnt, enough to graze into Daehyun's warm eyes. "H-how? .. Why?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________And like each time when Youngjae doubted his answer, he still smiled softly, thinking of something new to say. He's been down this path for so many times, he's lost count. But each time Youngjae asked 'why?', Daehyun always felt the need to explain it to him over and over again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________He never used the completely same things when he started reasoning his love. Like it needed to be reasoned once again. But Youngjae needed to hear it one more time, even though he would forget about it by the time Daehyun leaves his room. If he needed to hear him one more, two more, five more, hundredth more times... Daehyun was ready. Because reasons never shortened, and he never wanted to stop repeating his love for Youngjae._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"We met back in college. You were studying journalism, I was studying medicine."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Youngjae gasped. "Are you a doctor?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Daehyun chuckled, almost bitterly so. "No.. I wish I was.. But I'm not. Life happened, and I had to take over the company from my father."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Youngjae nodded, for he needed to hear more of the story. Their story as what it seemed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________So Daehyun continued. "We were best friends then."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"And now?" Youngjae was always the impatient one, loving to read the last page of the book he still hasn't started reading, wanting to know the ending before the story has even begun._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Daehyun laughed out loud this time around, patting his hand to shush and listen. "We are... friends now also." Despite having both the doctor's and Himchan's wishes to just confess that they were romantically involved, Daehyun still picked to keep that part of the story quiet. They weren't good before the accident, and Daehyun wanted for Youngjae to fully remember before talking about their... next step, so to say._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Youngjae was satisfied with the explanation as he shushed finally, letting him speak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Even though we were best friends, and still are, we fought a lot." Youngjae widened his eyes adorably. "We had different ideas, ambitions for our lives, and eventually even different choices that broke us off."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I'm sorry."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________This was Daehyun's time to blanch out. "Why are you apologizing?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Because I know that it was my fault for something like that."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Daehyun couldn't help but lean in and kiss his temple, because he was being so adorable it hurt. Youngjae spluttered at that, covering the spot that was just being kissed, as Daehyun shook his head, continuing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Anyways, I carried for you even then. One could say I fell in love with you, even."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Are you?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Am I what?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"In love? With me?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Daehyun closed his mouth, blinking when Youngjae didn't. He wanted to kiss him so badly, for Youngjae to respond and kiss back, but he wasn't in the right mind. Youngjae needed time and he could give him as much as he needed. After all, Youngjae was his life, and nothing was more important than his wellbeing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I already said that I love you." But one thing he couldn't do was lie to him ever again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It was enough for Youngjae who nodded, looking around the room. When Daehyun followed his wandering eyes, asking what was he looking for, Youngjae explained how he needed his notebook._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I need to add this to your list. Daehyun loves me." It was almost child-like the way he said it, like having a crush reciprocated, but Daehyun grabbed both of his hands, holding them in between their laps._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"You don't need to write it down, I wanna repeat it to you each day."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Youngjae stopped to look into his warm eyes, somehow believing him. Daehyun loved him. He could feel it, more than believe it. It was almost tragic to think he wouldn't remember this once the taller leaves, so Youngjae nodded, trying to mutter a brave smile instead of a sad one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Okay." He wiped at his eyes, alarming Daehyun, before ignoring his imploring eyes, whispering. "Tell me more."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Hello?" Chaelin picked up the call when the phone on her work desk ringed, having to come back to take it. She was on her way out, wanting to stop by the hospital close by for a visit, and was just done with the last assignment for the day._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________She still had to run a newspaper, and it wasn't easy without her most hardworking journalist._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When she didn't hear anything from the other end, she repeated 'hello' once again, huffing out exasperatedly. "Look, I don't have time for pranks. Either you tell my what's the reason for this call, or never call again!" She was almost fuming, because her time was already cut short with their new issue having to be printed in just a couple of hours._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Sure, her team was one of the best ones in the country, but her word was the final one. And there was a lot of things she needed to take of before giving the press-room the green light for their part of the work._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The line went dead after her words, and she had decency not to slap the phone back to her desk with full force. She was out of the office in the next moment, stopping by her assistant with informing the younger to transfer all of her calls to her private phone she carried around, and walked to the elevators in the corner._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________But she didn't get far when one of her coworkers called her back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"What's up Hyeri?" Chaelin walked back to her desk, the first one in the line when you step out of the elevators to their floor, finding a distressed coworker that usually worked the reception for their firm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"This.. was in the mail.." She pushed the opened box to her hands, the size too small for anything they usually got in their regular mail. Different media companies liked to sent their promo material to their colleagues from other companies, as much as her office did the same. Besides that, their mail consisted of different offers for the next stories, either written on paper, or sent through mails. Promo materials from their advertisers, fan mail even, complaints, gifts or personal matter were the most of the mails they were sent._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________But most of the today's mail switched to mails and personal accounts, rather than full packages with written addresses, like this box in front of her was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Chaelin thanked Hyeri for calling her back, asking what's wrong when she caught how pale her coworker was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Just.. open it.." Hyeri whispered back, looking as if she just stared down the ghost, and Chaelin was quick enough to pull the box completely open._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________There was a lid over something hidden at the bottom, and she glanced up to Hyeri to check whether she's seen it before._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Wasting no time, Chaelin pushed the lid out of the box, flinching away when she saw what's the content of the box._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Who... sent this!?" By now, a couple of close by workers walked closer too, watching the scene with furrowed brows._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Mark, one of their seasoned journalists walked closer, shifting eyes from Hyeri to their boss. "Is everything okay?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________But Chaelin didn't listen to him, looking down into the box to find a letter laying in the corner as well. She was quick to pick it up and turn the side open, reading it out loud._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________"You couldn't stay away from something that doesn't bother you whatsoever. One of your journalists is already in the hospital, and you couldn't stand to lose another one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________This is the final warning!" ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Chaelin read the letter written in dark red out loud to her office, turning around pale. "This.. this is— Hyeri, call the police!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The woman was quick enough to turn to her desk, already dialing the known number._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Chaelin turned the box, looking through the letter once again, but there wasn't anything that could reveal who was the sender. Hell, even their own address wasn't on the lid, and Chaelin dreaded that the box was brought in so it looked like it came with the rest of the mail._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Impatient, Mark walked closer to inspect the box, screaming when he saw the content. "That's a fucking finger!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Chaelin turned to him, staring down when Mark looked again, visibly distressed. "That's a human finger, Chaelin! It's still bleeding!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Hyeri, where is the police?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"They're on their way!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Nobody touch anything!" Chaelin barked out, turning to look at the box once again. "This is out of our hands now."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"They know about Youngjae," Mark whispered again, brining everyone's attention back to the letter that she just read._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Chaelin paled again, widening her eyes when the letter caught up with her, as he run to her office._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"I need to call Daehyun! They're the ones behind his accident!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"I need to leave soon, Jae." Youngjae looked up from being sprawled out on the hospital bed, to where Daehyun leaned back in the chair. "I have work, and then—"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Will you be back?" Unlike always, Youngjae didn't ask for anything, or whether Daehyun had anything new to talk to him about. For the first time, he'd asked if Daehyun planned on coming back tomorrow, like he could ever stop._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Daehyun stood up from the chair, coming closer to Youngjae, leaning enough to hug him for the road. When Youngjae sat upwards better, he somehow expected a hug, and Daehyun didn't disappoint. But he surprised even himself when he leaned in closer, kissing Daehyun on the cheek._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Um.." Both stopped, loss at words, before Daehyun cleared his throat, turning to pick up his jacket from the chair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Youngjae nodded, shifting so he could lean on the wall behind his head, watching as Daehyun contemplated something at the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Daehyun?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Without words, Daehyun turned around to face him again, coming closer with hurried steps, until Youngjae felt soft lips returning the favor on his now red cheek as well._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Today was a full day, Youngjae concluded. Daehyun visited him, he had a full lunch after starving for hours, and the doctor said how he was still recovering. He discovered how Daehyun loved him, and how the taller made him feel._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________So without letting his mind even a sliver to forget about today, Youngjae picked up his notebook from the bedside table, flipping to the first page._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Himchan: black hair; tall; skinny; thimble for fashion, says he's best friend; cooks me food; brings our photos; I don't see myself in any of them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Chaelin: blond hair; high heels; golden pen for journalist; my boss? brings me newspaper._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Yongguk: buff; scary; is trying to help me? Himchan's boyfriend; doesn't have anything; but brings Himchan every time he visits; policeman._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Daehyun: brown hair; kind eyes; warm smile, a friend? comes by every day; brings me flowers; sings me to sleep; stays the most; says how he's doing everything in helping me even when I don't need help; the doctor likes him; sometimes visits with Himchan and Yongguk; works close by; I don't know what; carries a silver necklace; a pretty knot one. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He flipped on a blank piece of paper and started writing quickly, not letting his brain forget even a bit of new information._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________I met Daehyun in college; we were best friends, and still are; the first meal that he bought me was chicken noodles in our local cafeteria because I was so hungry I couldn't wait for anything else to be prepared; he knows my parents and I don't know his; but Daehyun says how they don't matter, not anymore;_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Daehyun says how he almost fell in love with me; but he still loves me; so does that mean he's in love with me? he's been loving me ever since we met, even before our lives teared us apart; (I don't remember what happened);_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________He says how my eyes are pretty, even when I sleep, but how can he see them then? he also says how I've always been smart and intelligent and how I wanted to become a journalist even before college - that must mean that I became one, because Daehyun says how I studied to become one; (connect this with the Chaelin part, where she says she's my boss);_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________I think Daehyun's eyes are pretty too; they're warm and brown, reminding me of some soft drink; maybe coffee? he says how I like to sleep in, and if nobody woke me up, I could sleep all of my life.. but I can't sleep in here; it's too stiff, too hot, and I'm lonely; but I didn't say that to him; he doesn't need to worry;_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________And I know he worries about me; he didn't need to say it;_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________I still don't know his last name; or whether Daehyun is really his name; maybe a nickname? my name is Youngjae, but he likes to call me Jae; I think I like it more than my name; especially when he says it;_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Today, he kissed my cheek for the first time; true, I kissed him first, but I needed to do it; I don't know why :(_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________I still don't remember; ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Youngjae stopped writing, turning the page to see the four names written neatly at the top of the page. "Did Himchan visit today?" He tried to remember, closing his eyes, trying to picture the thimble on long fingers, but everything turned blank in the end._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He groaned out loud, turning the page when he saw the pen tucked in the middle of the two next, finding a full page of his writings. Reading each passage, Youngjae felt like this Daehyun guy really meant a lot to him, but he stopped when he didn't remember writing any of this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________When did this all happen? Did he really kiss his cheek? Is Daehyun really in love with him?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Youngjae turned to the previous page, trying to remember which trinket Daehyun carried, finding 'knot necklace' written next to his name. Oh, that pretty silver piece hanging from his neck. Youngjae smiled realizing he did remember something, trying to remember Daehyun's face as well, just in time for his door to be opened from the outside._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He watched up, finding an unfamiliar face, and he's quick to look around for any of the trinkets he wrote down. But when he didn't find a golden pen, or knot necklace hanging from the man's neck, not even the thimble on nibble fingers, Youngjae turned to watch the man's eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________When he didn't speak, the still standing man chuckled, finally opening his mouth to speak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Hello, Youngjae. I'm Kim Jaejoong."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	17. Chapter 17.

_"Hello, Youngjae. I'm Kim Jaejoong." ___

__Youngjae checked the man once again._ _

__There was no golden pen hanging from the man's deft, long fingers as they were busy holding the knob instead, before pushing around to grab at the door and close it behind him. No nimble either, in that pretty color that he was always reminded to be one of his favorite._ _

__When he looked up to meet his eyes, Youngjae took a peek at his neck, trying to spot that pretty necklace that he's learned to love, hanging from smooth, creamy neck. But rather than seeing a knot, he was met with a bare neck, with three first buttons opened at the top, like the man didn't have a problem with flashing more skin than necessary._ _

__Youngjae blinked, looking up to meet his eyes._ _

__"Um, who are you?" He asked, just to see the man getting comfortable in his own hospital room, without even acknowledging Youngjae as he asked a clear question. Not that he was trying to be rude, but he just didn't know._ _

__"Now you don't know about me, huh."_ _

__The man felt certain in his steps, coming closer to the side of his hospital bed, like he's been here more than enough times. Youngjae gulped when his steps—heavy from the thick boots he's had on—contrasted with white tiles of his floor, almost like everything in contrast to creamy white, sterile feeling of the hospitals._ _

__And Youngjae somehow knew that this man was quite the opposite of everything good._ _

__His core was one thing to listen, to feel, but his head was still lacking. And Youngjae prayed for a greater good to shine the light on his memory._ _

__When the man crossed the room to get to the windows, Youngjae glanced at the door, thinking about calling for help. Even though the man was just here, still not doing anything foul, Youngjae didn't feel right._ _

__Something was off, and that something was soon to be discovered._ _

__"So.. Youngjae—Can we be on first name basis?"_ _

__Youngjae blinked, steadying his breathing. "I guess."_ _

__"Good." The man—Jaejoong, Youngjae still remembered his name—sat down on the chair pushed underneath the windows, crossing one leg over the other._ _

__When he pulled out something out of his breast pocket, Youngjae followed the movement with his eyes. His breath hitched when he relaxed, seeing only a pack of cigarettes in his hand._ _

__"No smoking allowed." Youngjae glanced to the white door, sterile like the rest of the place, where a single panel with the same line sat above the said door. What the man followed was Youngjae showing him the restriction, written bold in red on a white background. But what he failed to see was his eyes checking whether there was someone on the other side of the door, ready to save him from the further interaction._ _

__Youngjae wasn't so lucky, after all._ _

__The man chuckled, grabbing a lighter from the back pocket of his pants, and light the cigar like it was his business to break the rules. And Youngjae felt uneasy._ _

__"Excuse me, do we know each other?" He started slowly, wanting to clear the tension and easy his worried heart. His mind was another thing, because the bits and loose ends of his memory were still not patching up._ _

__Maybe this man across him would be the solution._ _

__"Oh, you really don't remember, huh?" The cigar's smoke created a musky cloud above his head, when Jaejoong blew it out, smirking afterwards. "They did tell me about your accident, but I thought it was a joke."_ _

__Youngjae scoffed. "My accident isn't a joke. I could've died."_ _

__Jaejoong nodded, like agreeing with it, but Youngjae knew better. When he looked back, meeting his eyes, Youngjae felt the shiver running down his back. His eyes, along with his whole demeanor, were something else._ _

__His eyes were sharp in stance, cutting in size on each side of his lids, and the color was dark, murky almost, like the two orbs were bottomless. Youngjae preferred softer eyes, in deep brown hues and smiling lids, with pockets on each sides from laughing too much._ _

__Like Daehyun's were. He had the prettiest eyes._ _

__Jaejoong's ones didn't remind him of anything nice, warm or soft._ _

__"It's not, true.." He nodded again, puffing out after taking a big gulp. The windows were closed above his head, and Youngjae had this urge to cough; just to clear out his throat. But he tried to sit still, wanting this meeting to be over with, already._ _

__"It's not a joke, because you could've died." The man was mocking him, Youngjae realized. Ever since he stepped over the threshold of his hospital room, he was doing just that._ _

__"I would ask you to leave, please." He said, lowering down enough to showcase that he was ready to go back to resting. This day has been dragging long enough. "I need to rest now,"_ _

__When Jaejoong didn't move from the seat, Youngjae gulped, visibly so. "Sir?"_ _

__"How does it feel?"_ _

__"How does what feel?"_ _

__Youngjae was almost afraid to ask._ _

__"Knowing you are ruining somebody's life."_ _

__Youngjae blinked. This... stunned him._ _

__Here he was, laying in the hospital for god knows how long, because of an accident he didn't even remember, having to write down each day what has happened, not even recognizing his friends and family, and now this. A random, unfamiliar man came through, accusing him of doing something he couldn't even begin to remember._ _

__After all, he hasn't been out of this hospital in half a year. Maybe more. Where was this coming from?!_ _

__"... What?"_ _

__"Don't play dumb with me." Jaejoong got up from his seat, going to the front door to get rid of the cigarettes butt, knowing damn well he's only beginning. When Youngjae paled, he smirked._ _

__"I'm not, I—"_ _

__"You don't have a memory loss, or whatever they're telling you to pretend to have." After throwing the butt in the trash bin next to the exit, he turned around, a smile no longer present on his face._ _

__This was getting serious, and Youngjae regretted not having his phone with him._ _

__How did he even remember having a phone in the first place, was out of his mind when the man crossed the room, stopping to hover above him._ _

__"You've been sticking your dumb nose in my business for months now, and all of a sudden, you're in an accident that made you forget everything!" Youngjae felt his muscles shivering, trying way too hard not to show it._ _

__"And to make things worse, you didn't even die!"_ _

__"... What?" He lost his breath on that accusation, blinking rapidly up to the man. But he's not done yet. Youngjae felt as much._ _

__"I had arranged everything! Everything was supposed to go smoothly, the car was to hit you and kill you on the spot. The plan was perfect, without a way of finding out the culprit, but then you decided to survive!" His voice was getting higher, as the emotions in his system were highlighted, only bringing out more and more anger._ _

__Youngjae thought about the previous couple of months, trying, _trying so fucking much _to remember his accident, how he must've dealt with the post operation recovery, how much his head was throbbing and hurting.___ _

____But the man didn't let him finish, as he punched the wall next to his head, making him stutter out a batted breath._ _ _ _

____"I can say all of this, right Youngjae!?" Jaejoong picked at his jaw, touching for the first time, raising it up. Their eyes met again, but different emotions were swimming in two pairs of orbs._ _ _ _

____Jaejoong was coming closer, dangerously close, never breaking the eye contact. His fingers were cold on his chin, like coming back from a winter walk, and they reeked of the previous cigarette._ _ _ _

____Youngjae felt like peeing himself, for the fear was making him immobilized. This was the first time in months he's felt like this, not knowing how to react. Everybody that has come so far, visiting him, were nice and gentle with him, taking their time while knowing how he needed to recover first._ _ _ _

____But this... this was definitely different._ _ _ _

____"I can say all of this, come clean to you, because once I'm done with you, you wouldn't even remember!" Jaejoong was still holding his jaw in place, craning his neck up in an uncomfortable position, as Youngjae tried not to shiver._ _ _ _

____"Please.."_ _ _ _

____"Please what?!"_ _ _ _

____He couldn't even push him away. His muscles were trembling, fear visible on his face, as the man took his time, knowing him far too well for meeting him for the first time. While Youngjae thought about it, he didn't know anything about the other. Not even his name, as it was slowly fading from his memory, as the fear substituted it._ _ _ _

____".. Let me go.. Please.."_ _ _ _

____That was only thing on his mind. He just wanted to be let go._ _ _ _

____He didn't remember, goddammit! What wrongs he's done before the accident, whose lives he's ruined and tainted, what people he's hurt. And the man acted upon his right to ask him to suffer. To suffer for what he's done._ _ _ _

____But Youngjae couldn't remember._ _ _ _

____"I'm sorry." He breathed in, trying to appease the now fuming Jaejoong. "I'm sorry for everything."_ _ _ _

____"Do you even know what you're apologizing for!?" There was a finger coming closer to his forehead, jabbing him right in the middle. Youngjae crooned brokenly, looking down to the bedsheets when the man stopped to pull his face upwards again. "Look me in the fucking eyes!"_ _ _ _

____He wasn't breathing by now. He was sure of it. When Jaejoong closed his eyes, breathing out slowly, Youngjae felt the fingers on his jaw relaxing._ _ _ _

____But he judged too quickly._ _ _ _

____"Ah!"_ _ _ _

____Jaejoong let go of his face, looking him straight in the eyes, as he used the situation. Youngjae was too vulnerable, both were aware of just that, and when Jaejoong raised his hand, bringing it down, Youngjae screamed._ _ _ _

____"Look me in the eyes!"_ _ _ _

____He was getting slapped, right across the cheek Daehyun kissed just hours before, biting on his tongue each time the skin met skin._ _ _ _

____"You should've died!" Jaejoong raised his hand again, punching him right across his lip, sending Youngjae's head to the side._ _ _ _

____When he came through, opening his eyes, he realized that the next hit could send his head to snap on the nightstand next to the bed, and Youngjae feared of dying._ _ _ _

____Jaejoong wasn't done, as he huffed out, finally taking the pleasure in having him this pliant. Youngjae wasn't hitting back, not doing anything at all, actually. Just hazily looking upwards each time, waiting for the next punch._ _ _ _

____And he was dead._ _ _ _

____He was finally dead, not remembering anything, seeing Daehyun's face each time when the man raised his arm above his head, slapping him again._ _ _ _

____But this time, the man had a different tactic._ _ _ _

____Because when he raised his arm again, full of force, his fist broke down on Youngjae's cheek instead._ _ _ _

____This time.. his head flew to the nightstand._ _ _ _

____The crack along his skull was even worse when Youngjae opened his eyes, wheezing out blood. It was metallic, like chewing coins on his tongue, and Youngjae didn't feel like looking up._ _ _ _

____But Jaejoong took his shirt in both hands, crumpling the fabric in his fists, pushing him to look up. He was sneering, fuming also; on a verge of drooling from anger._ _ _ _

____Youngjae thought of dogs with rabies—too gone to function, too angry too stop. He was thrown to the bed like a rag doll, dropping down without anything else to say._ _ _ _

____And quite frankly, he just wanted this to be over with._ _ _ _

____His fucked up mind offered something in return, though. If the man was willing to kill him right here and now, in a hospital, of all places, then he must've done something to deserve it. People usually say that personal vendetta isn't dealt with guns and weapons, but rather with hands._ _ _ _

____There's nothing more personal than letting out your anger with hands._ _ _ _

____And Jaejoong had enough hands to kick him again._ _ _ _

____The man surprised even himself when he hooked a leg on the side of the bed, raising his whole body to stand on the sheets instead. Youngjae felt his feet touching each side of his hips, as Jaejoong hovered above him, spitting like a mad dog._ _ _ _

____"You're gonna die today, Yoo Youngjae. And you're gonna die from my own hands!"_ _ _ _

____He felt like dispersing into nothingness when punches after punches came through, kicking him anywhere. There were hits on his ribs, some on his chest, even leg kicks along his legs and neck._ _ _ _

____He felt used, done for, and Youngjae could only hope of dying soon. He felt sorry for people that visited, because he was certain some of them were going to miss him. And a small part of him realized that he's going to miss them as well, because if it wasn't for Himchan, Chaelin, Yongguk and Daehyun, he would've wanted to die much sooner._ _ _ _

_____Oh, god. Daehyun! ____ _ _ _

______When Youngjae pictured his face, it was crystal clear. Jaejoong was groaning and huffing from above, using his knuckles for everything he could do to make him hurt, but Youngjae focused on Daehyun's face._ _ _ _ _ _

______On his lips, thick with color, rich in texture. On the slope of his nose, in buttoned down shape at the end. On his hair and hands, of his shirts and that pendant hanging from his creamy neck. And finally, on his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______They were different than everything Youngjae's ever felt, and for the first time in forever, he missed them. Like crazy._ _ _ _ _ _

______So when Jaejoong stopped to take a deep breath, Youngjae looked up. Everything was so painful, on fire, swallowing him up. But his eyes were still trying, looking up for the final time._ _ _ _ _ _

______Jaejoong looked him right back, giving him a moment to say it. To give his last words._ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae swallowed, not feeling his body anymore, as he came through. His own voice sounded foreign to his own ears. "End it, already. Kill me!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______And Jaejoong didn't disappoint._ _ _ _ _ _

______The final punch was sent right into his head, stopping his muscles from screaming when Youngjae felt the break in his spinal column._ _ _ _ _ _

______This was it._ _ _ _ _ _

______This was his last moment, with a stranger hovering above him, only on his mercy, without anybody to witness it._ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae closed his eyes, wanting to scream out of his lungs for everything, finally realizing what he's been missing._ _ _ _ _ _

______He was floating, not realizing anything new, and quite honestly he didn't care. His mind was still blank, with nothing to condole, with no one to call, with emptiness that he was seeing for the first time._ _ _ _ _ _

______And for the first time ever, he was calm._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun greeted the nurses on his way up, pressing the button with Youngjae's floor number as he got on the elevator. He felt giddy to see Youngjae again, even though he was here just this morning. But his work was done, with no loose ends to tie up, and he wanted to see Youngjae before going home for rest._ _ _ _ _ _

______When the elevator dinged on the right floor, Daehyun looked up from the flowers he's been carrying, getting surprised when a man tried to walk in before letting him exit._ _ _ _ _ _

______He looked over his shoulder when the man pressed the button for the ground level, looking back._ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun had a moment to look the man in the eyes, dropping his eyes on his bloody hands, when the man smirked back. It was Kim Jaejoong, the same Jaejoong he's been trying to find for longer._ _ _ _ _ _

______"He's done."_ _ _ _ _ _

______The elevator closed right as the words traveled between their space, when Daehyun looked in the direction of Youngjae's room._ _ _ _ _ _

______"... Jae..."_ _ _ _ _ _

______The flowers from his hands dropped down quicker than he could move, but when his legs started running, he was in Youngjae's room in a second._ _ _ _ _ _

______What waited for him broke his heart in million pieces._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae!!!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun screamed at the top of his lungs, dropping down when Youngjae was in his hands, not breathing. He was ruined, so much, that Daehyun couldn't even recognize his eyes, closed from swelling too much, his lips bloodied all the way down to his neck... and his hands._ _ _ _ _ _

______His hands were clean, cold, almost too cold, that Daehyun screamed for him to wake up, to look at him, to say his name again._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae.. Youngjae.. Baby, please.." His voice dropped down as Youngjae's head fell without holding it still, and Daehyun couldn't take it. Not now, not again._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Please.. Please! Youngjae!!" He screamed again, finally gathering attention from some of the nurses on the floor, as they screamed when they finally arrived._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Call the doctor! Call the police!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______They were out of the door in the next moment, but Daehyun couldn't hear. Not when the love of his life was dying on his arms, lifeless as ever._ _ _ _ _ _

______But he wasn't giving up. Not like this._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae! Youngjae, please. If you could hear me..." Daehyun placed him gently on the pillows behind his head, holding his face tenderly. He couldn't see where the blood was coming about, not wanting to hurt him more._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae, I know you have it in you, baby! Please!" But Youngjae didn't give any signs of life._ _ _ _ _ _

______He was still, barely breathing, all gone._ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun wiped at his face, smearing the blood all over his eyes, coming to Youngjae's face again. "Love, I'm here! You can hear me, I know it! Please, Jae, please!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______The doctors were running down the hallway, Daehyun could hear as much, yelling over each other, when the first one dropped in, already at Youngjae's side._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Daehyun, what happened?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______The first of many asked, carefully holding onto Youngjae's lids. He pushed the left eye open with his fingers, shinning a light on the unmoving pupil. When he didn't get an answer, he called for nurses and more specialists, pushing Daehyun away._ _ _ _ _ _

______But he didn't move, didn't even register anything, only looking at Youngjae. He wasn't breathing, and Daehyun wasn't blinking anymore._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Jae.. Jae.." He sounded so broken that even some people in the room looked at him pitifully, understanding his pain. Or trying too, because Daehyun hadn't felt like human anymore._ _ _ _ _ _

______His soul was with Youngjae, fighting for his life as much as he had will to live. And Youngjae didn't let him down._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae…"_ _ _ _ _ _

______The doctors stopped working on taking his clothes off, looking at the peaceful face that talked. Daehyun was at his side once again, holding his face tenderly._ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae was fighting, coming through, still trying._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae.."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm here, Jae! I'm here!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______His eyes were shaking for a moment, before Youngjae took a deep breath, coughing up blood. He was bruised already, but neither moved._ _ _ _ _ _

______"This must be his last moment—"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"No! Shut up! He's not dying!" Daehyun pushed the doctor off, ignoring their hands when they pulled him off, and stayed next to Youngjae, always next to him._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae.." Youngjae tried again, barely whispering over the quietness of the room, but Daehyun still listened._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae! Yes! I'm here! Please, love! Please!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae.." He coughed up again, finally opening his eyes. "I remember. I remember everything."_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun felt happy out of his skin. He was skipping steps out of his office, sending a quick flying kiss to his secretary when the lady asked about his whereabouts._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm going to pick him up. He's finally getting out!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______The secretary laughed, sharing the happiness with her employer, when Daehyun skipped to the elevator, already calling Himchan on his phone._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm bringing him to my home, so drop by later, okay?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Himchan chuckled from the other side, yessing to everything. "I can't believe I wouldn't be there for when he gets out. I shouldn't miss it, really."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun got out of the building, spotting his parked car at the distance, as he took no time in running to it, too excited to calm down. "It's fine. He doesn't mind, remember."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yeah, but like.. I'm his best friend, I should be there."_ _ _ _ _ _

______When he started the car, Himchan asked him if he's on his way already, to which Daehyun screamed out of pure happiness into the receiver._ _ _ _ _ _

______"It's fine, Chan. He saw you yesterday, and he's seeing you tonight. What matters is that he's fine, and that he's finally out!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun was over each and every speed limit, but he didn't care. He needed to get there already, feeling like his heart was going to burst out open._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yes~" Himchan was still on the phone when he parked in the front of the hospital, reminding him to tell Youngjae about visiting later. "Say hello to him! And tell him that we couldn't be prouder of him!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun closed his eyes, too happy to say anything back, and nodded to everything. "Of course. See you later!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm bringing Yongguk, too. He's been dying for Youngjae to be released."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun was smiling all over when he walked to the front desk, registering his visit, and asking about Youngjae. His doctor was already in his room, so Daehyun didn't lose time in climbing the stairs, too giddy to take the elevator._ _ _ _ _ _

______When he knocked on Youngjae's door, his doctor called him in._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oh, Daehyun. Good to see you!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Hello doctor." He bowed slightly, but didn't focus on the man too long._ _ _ _ _ _

______"And hello, my love."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Daehyun… Hi!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking better than this past year. He was still sore in some places, especially in his ribs and arms, but he was healthy. Alive! And well._ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun crossed the space, coming to greet him, when Youngjae surprised him, getting up from the bed, hugging him in the process._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Can I leave now, doc?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun looked at the doctor too, waiting for the final evaluation._ _ _ _ _ _

______The man smiled, as he's become their friend over the time, dropping down formalities quickly. "Of course! You're free to go, Youngjae. And don't ever come back!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______They all laughed when Youngjae went to hug him too, looking back at the bed one last time as Daehyun picked his stuff. The last bouquet of flowers was still sitting in a vase next to Youngjae's bed, and he didn't have a heart to leave it behind._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Leave it," Daehyun watched his struggle, smiling when Youngjae looked at him. "I'm gonna buy you as many flowers as you wish!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______They greeted everyone on their way to the car, when Youngjae finally breathed fresh air again. He was walking on the concrete once again, laughing at the situation._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Is everything alright?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae looked to the side where Daehyun was waiting for him, smiling even wider._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yeah.. Just.." And he felt silly. "I'm happy. That's it!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"And that's all that matters!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______They were in the car in the next minute, in Daehyun's house in the next ten, and Youngjae felt like nothing's changed._ _ _ _ _ _

______But when he looked at Daehyun, something did._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Himchan said hi. Yongguk too." Daehyun brought his stuff in, leaving it all in the living room, as Youngjae looked around, missing this house more than he thought. "Chaelin is coming back from the trip tonight as well, and they're all coming to visit."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae turned around when he felt Daehyun's presence closer. "They all missed you Jae."_ _ _ _ _ _

______He felt bold. Bolder than ever. "And you?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______When Daehyun grinned, he couldn't help but smile too._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Everyday, Jae."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Everyday?" Youngjae closed the remaining distance, grabbing Daehyun's hand mindlessly. They were warm, warmer against his palm, and Daehyun only glanced down at the now linked pair._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Every minute of every hour of every day."_ _ _ _ _ _

______The situation shifted to something serious, as Youngjae watched the change in Daehyun's eyes. When the older one blinking, focusing on their hands, Youngjae came closer, letting go of one of his hand, in order to pinch his chin softly._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae.."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae, I.." And Daehyun was crying. "I was hopeful, never losing faith in you and your strength. But when I saw you.. When I saw you in that bed, all bloodied up and—" He stuttered._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Daehyun! Don't..."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae felt the strong arms faster than seeing them, as Daehyun sobbed into his shoulder, finally releasing the tension. It was too much. Knowing that he could've lost Youngjae twice already, and now having him in his arms, holding him healthy and well._ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun couldn't help but let it all out._ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae was there to hold him back, to squeeze harder, to kiss his neck. While Daehyun took him time in releasing it all, Youngjae swallowed down thickly, wanting for this moment to never end._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae.. Youngjae.." Daehyun was being pulled to the couch, as they found their way back to each other, holding the other one from escaping. Like either could do that after everything._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae." Youngjae called his name softly, pulling him out from snuggling into his neck, holding his face tenderly. "Dae, I'm here, love. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun sobbed louder at that, holding him again. There was nothing else he'd rather hear than those words. He is not going anywhere. Youngjae is not going anywhere._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae.. Youngjae, I love you!" Youngjae looked at his face when Daehyun confessed again, inhaling stuttering. There was too many emotions right now, swallowing him up, as he was crying as well._ _ _ _ _ _

______But he was certain of one thing._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I love you, too!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______When they both calmed down, Daehyun offered to make them some quick dinner. Youngjae's tummy was starting to cramp, and Daehyun wanted to make something special, for the younger has been on the hospital food for the last year, almost._ _ _ _ _ _

______So Youngjae offered to help, but Daehyun dismissed him quickly, opting him to sit and watch instead._ _ _ _ _ _

______And their talk started._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You need to talk to both Chaelin and Yongguk again." Daehyun said, chopping some vegetable from his fridge. He was not sure about which stew to make, but he didn't mind that much. He doubted Youngjae did either. "Yongguk has been building this case along with his team for a while now, but he still needs your insight. You've been watching Jaejoong much longer than them, right?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae hummed. The story he's been working on had been going on quite well, and he was just a couple of steps away from clearing it out. If Jaejoong was really guilty for alleged hit and run, of which Youngjae was very certain, then the guy had so much to fear. But adding the lawsuit for his assault to the mix, and the man was facing jailtime that couldn't be ironed down with money and his success._ _ _ _ _ _

______And Youngjae was strong again, better than ever, ready to stop at nothing to bring this man to justice. He owed that to himself, to his readers and to the poor woman that was killed almost a year and a half ago in a car accident, caused by the man himself._ _ _ _ _ _

______This time, Jaejoong wasn't going to be let go just like that. Youngjae would work on making sure he didn't._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oh, my phone is ringing. Wait a bit."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun jogged to the living room, coming back with his phone pressed to his ear._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Victoria, how are you?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae looked up at the name, trying not to show his true emotions. Daehyun's fiancée, right._ _ _ _ _ _

______He's forgotten about her in the mess._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Good, good. We just got back from the hospital. I'm cooking us dinner." Daehyun glanced at Youngjae, smiling softly. He was being so easygoing with his fiancée, that Youngjae couldn't bear to listen to their conversation. Just as he jumped from the high chair, ready to leave, Daehyun's words brought him back._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oh, you want to hear him? Wait a second."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun pushed the phone onto the kitchen island instead, switching the call to the speaker-phone. When Youngjae raised his eyebrows, Victoria's voice came through._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Youngjae, are you there? How are you feeling? I heard that you got released from the hospital. Congratulations!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae sat down once again, looking between Daehyun's secretive smile and the phone that was still talking._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm.. I'm fine. Thank you for asking."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm so glad to hear that! Dae here has been rambling my ears off with talking about you. I thought I would go crazy!" Victoria giggled on the other end, and Youngjae really felt lost._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Wait.. You've been talking about me?" Youngjae asked, expecting an answer from Daehyun, but got one from Victoria instead._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Of course we talked about you! You've been the main topic, even."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun was still silent, putting all the chopped vegetables in the frying pan, before turning around to reach the stove instead. He's smiling, still, and Youngjae had to ask._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Why?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"What do you mean why? Daehyun loves you too much, that's why."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae paled._ _ _ _ _ _

______".. What? … And that doesn't.. bother.. you?" He was taking a small break between each word, not wanting to anger anyone. This started to not make sense. Or maybe he's woken up in some foreign, parallel universe._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Why would it bother me?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"You're his fiancée?" When he had to be so blunt, fine then._ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun turned around just in time for Victoria to start laughing from the other end, making him confused even more. Like that was possible._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae.. You seriously haven't told him yet?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun wiped at his eyes, getting rid of the tears from mirth. When he looked up to watch Youngjae, he had an urge to laugh again, just at his face at the moment. The younger was too cute for words._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I haven't. I wanted to make it a surprise."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"A surprise?!" Youngjae squeaked._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Ah, Jae.. We're not together anymore. Never have been, actually."_ _ _ _ _ _

______This was Youngjae's time to faint. Or throw the sizzling pan at Daehyun's head. "What!!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae, take it from here. I have to go, lovebirds. Have a good one!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______The call ended after that, as the screen blinked back to a wallpaper, which conveniently was a picture of a sleeping Youngjae._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Dae!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"What do you want to drink with dinner? I have some good wine that I've been—"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Jung Daehyun!!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun turned around on that, stifling his laugh. "I'm sorry, Jae. You should see your face now."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"And you should run for your life, if you don't explain it in the next ten seconds."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun ran around the island in a second or two, coming to Youngjae's side. Where to begin..._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Okay, we weren't together, really. We used to be engaged, because of both our parents' will, but nothing more. We have been friends all of our lives. Practically growing up together."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae huffed out, tilting his head to the side. This made more sense, he thought._ _ _ _ _ _

______So Daehyun continued when he saw that the field was empty._ _ _ _ _ _

______"We got engaged when our families realized that the marriage would bring our two companies together, merging them in a large one, with covering both ours and Chinese market. But neither liked it at first."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"But you said... And she was..."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun laughed. "Jae, you're short circuiting," He wailed mockingly when Youngjae punched him in the arm, pushing him to continue._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Fine, fine.. Victoria and I thought about letting them rule however they wanted, and going with the plan. We were already friends, and the marriage didn't sound so bad. As long as we both agreed on having our own lives beside it, of course. Besides, it was only a piece of paper, nothing big changing with it. And both of our companies were benefiting."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"But?" Youngjae felt there was a but coming up._ _ _ _ _ _

______"But..." Daehyun trailed off, taking both his hands in his. When he intertwined their fingers, Youngjae shivered. "You came back."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oh."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yeah.." He was smiling, knowing far too well that Youngjae didn't feel angry anymore._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I thought that I've lost you already. Thinking about you every single day didn't help, but I couldn't do anything else. I even went an extra mile to hire a professional to try to track you down, but when he came in with the results, I chickened out."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Why?" Youngjae blinked._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Because I was not ready to see you again. I thought about forgetting you, and going on with my life. And if I ever saw you again, I couldn't take to not have you. So when the man dropped the information with your current place of living, telling me that you'd been away only a couple of blocks from me, all that time, I couldn't do it. I couldn't find you, face you again and not have you in the end."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae squeezed both of his hands, knowing that he'd been praying of not finding Daehyun behind the name Mr Jung, back then when Hyolyn had been the one to interview him in the first place, but had different plans in the end._ _ _ _ _ _

______But when he did find his Daehyun in the office of Mr Jung, remembering him all too well, sharing his feelings too, Youngjae realized his luck._ _ _ _ _ _

______"And then, the fate did the rest."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun smiled. Glad. Relieved too. "The fate brought us back together."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"So, Victoria?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"She didn't mind when I told her. We worked on breaking the engagement right afterwards, having to convince both our families about it first, but after a couple of months we were both free. She's been in a relationship for the past five years, so that was another story to break to her parents."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae finally smiled, feeling happy out of his skin. There was nothing better than this, knowing finally that Daehyun was his, and his only. In both heart and mind._ _ _ _ _ _

______"And she doesn't hate me?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae said, almost whispered, bringing his arms to loop around Daehyun's neck instead. The older did the same, only held his waist with both hands, smiling widely._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Nobody could hate you, Jae.."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"So this means that you're a free man, Jung Daehyun."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well.. Not really..."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Youngjae stopped from leaning all the way up, just an inch from kissing Daehyun's lips, when Daehyun whispered back._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oh? How come?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Daehyun was grinning by now, pulling Youngjae closer. They were about to kiss, but not before one final question._ _ _ _ _ _

______"I'm a taken man."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"By who!?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"By you!"_ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the epilogue left :)


	18. The end!

~The case of the mysterious hit-and-run accident that took place almost two years ago is finally being resolved. The main suspect, once a raising star, Kim Jaejoong has pleaded not guilty in the last trial that happened on the May 6th, but ever since that new case files and proofs have resurfaced. The car plates in the crime scene photos happen to match the ones on the suspect's, on the car that was discovered to be hidden until now, putting him on the crime scene when the hit-and-run took place. The suspect is in custody at the moment, and judging he can't be released even with the paid bail, he's in for good. Nobody from his family hasn't commented the case. 

~But that's not all! The suspect Kim Jaejoong has been accused of another crime - attack on a journalist Yoo Youngjae from TL Entertainment that had been working on his case ever since the news about this tragedy got out in the media. The journalist has been hospitalized for the past year, as a victim of another hit-and-run - which authorities have included in Kim Jaejoong's case as well, having proofs against Kim for that too. Yoo Youngjae is reported to had been recovering well, when the suspect Kim Jaejoong attacked him in his hospital bed, which is why he's been charged for an attempted murder as well. For more news on the case of hit-and-miss, Yoo Youngjae's discoveries and his help on the case, his health condition currently, stay tuned—

"Are you still watching that?"

Youngjae turned around in the seat, watching as Himchan walked in, carrying two cups of hot cocoa. It was his day in, after finally going back to work after being away and suspended for so long. 

And Youngjae couldn't wait to get back his life. 

He smiled when Himchan put his cup down, turning off the device in his hand. It was true, he's been going over the case for the past two months—ever since he'd been released from the hospital—but he's still trying to help as much as he could. Kim Jaejoong was going to be locked away for good, and Youngjae would make sure of it. 

"Are you tired? You seem out.." His best friend had been staying with him, at Daehyun's house, more for a look-out than just worry—which all of them were—but Youngjae didn't mind. He's missed them all dearly. Especially his best friend of almost fifteen years. 

"I'm... overthinking it all. I'm just spent, but I'll be fine."

Youngjae sipped at the hot beverage, humming when Himchan asked whether it was good. He was still the best at everything he mastered, and Youngjae briefly remembered that he almost forgot all about it. 

When their eyes met, Himchan saw the tension behind his eyes. They looked tired, almost dimmed down, so he switched seats, moving to hug him close. Like a mother would. Youngjae closed his eyes, listening to his warm voice.

"That bastard is being prosecuted, right?" Youngjae hummed, sipping some more. "And there is enough proof to lock his ass for life, correct?"

Youngjae laughed, agreeing. 

"Then don't worry, baby. He can't hurt anyone anymore. You made sure of it."

And Youngjae really did. This case had been his life ever since the news broke out and he was sent to report from the crime scene. He was also a witness of the bloody, gutted and absolutely nerve-breaking condition in which the poor victim was left, so much that he almost vomited upon seeing it. When he came to himself, stopping at the edges where the blood seeped through on the concrete, Youngjae promised to himself that he'd be the one to find the murderer and lock him away. And in the end, he made sure of that.

Plus, the police has been of a great help to him, but he was much more useful for them instead. The case files and new information were from his research, and it was being used against Jaejoong. They were grateful for him, but Youngjae just wanted justice to prevail. Everybody, including him, deserved that. 

***

"Jae?"

"Hm?" He must've fallen asleep, because when Youngjae opened his eyes, thinking it was just a long blink, he was met with Himchan's face. 

"Are you hungry? I can make something out of lunch leftovers."

Youngjae yawned widely, smacking his lips afterwards. They were still sweet from the cocoa. "I can eat whatever, Channie. Don't worry."

Himchan was at his feet in a second, in the kitchen in the next, and Youngjae had to wake up for real since the evening was already setting. Which meant Daehyun's coming back from work soon. He felt giddy. 

"Your doctor said that you'd be bruised up for a while, so you need to treat your body with care. You can't eat just 'whatever'."

When Youngjae walked into the spacious kitchen, Himchan was busy taking all the healthy ingredients from the fridge, pilling up everything next to the stove. He smiled widely, knowing that Himchan had a big paper taped to the back of the fridge, with all the recommendations from his doctor on what he could and couldn't eat and do. 

It was almost too much care and affection, but Youngjae didn't mind it. 

"Okay, then make me something delicious, chef Channie!"

Himchan actually saluted. "Sir, yessir!"

Just when their dinner simmered to the end, and Youngjae helped in setting up plates, the front door beeped with a newcomer. 

Youngjae dropped the utensils at the creamy tablecloth, running out to meet his boyfriend. But when he stopped at the threshold of the dining room, he was met with a different person. 

"Hello, Jae."

"Oh... it's you."

Yongguk laughed out loud at that, seeing the disappointment in Youngjae's behavior, kicking his shoes off. "Sorry to disappoint, but I'm sure somebody's happy that I'm home."

"Guk!" Just at that moment, Himchan walked out of the kitchen, jumping in Yongguk's ready hands. "I missed you!"

"See?" 

Youngjae turned around when the couple started kissing, like they haven't seen each other for months, and walked back to rearrange the table. 

Daehyun always came home before Yongguk, and even if he didn't, he was always back before 8pm. It was already 8:30pm, and Youngjae tried not to worry. But both Yongguk and Himchan saw the shift in his acting. 

"Jae? Is everything okay?"

Youngjae smeared the napkin over his fork, sitting down when Himchan brought out everything from the kitchen. They were all eating good, ever since Youngjae started eating better. 

"Just tired." He lied, not wanting to worry anybody else over his silly thoughts. Daehyun was probably held back in his office, and was going to come back home soon. There was nothing to worry about. 

Except there was. 

They tried to wait until 9pm at least, before Himchan's stomach growled loudly. So they all started eating, after Youngjae took out a portion for Daehyun, carrying it back to kitchen for heating it up later on. 

When they finished with eating, then dishes, then with snacks for some movie night, it was almost 10pm, and Daehyun still wasn't back. 

"Have you tried calling him?"

Himchan asked from drying off the last plate and putting it back in its place, turning to face Youngjae. 

"Yeah, it keeps going to his voice mail." Youngjae answered, huffing out when another call didn't go through. He opted for another message, sending it more urgently, and locking his phone when nothing new happened. 

All three moved to living room instead, Himchan sitting with his boyfriend on the love seat at the side, with Youngjae sprawling out on the main sofa in front of the TV. He couldn't even focus on picking the movie when his thoughts were miles away, somewhere revolving around Daehyun. 

"Jae, he's fine. It's probably just work." Yongguk tried to relax him, and when Youngjae looked to the side, neither his or Daehyun's best friend seemed worried. Maybe he was really making a big deal out of nothing. 

By 10:46pm, Youngjae had tried calling his boyfriend numerous times, always listening to his honey-like voice through the little message on his voice mail. But 11pm, he was panicking. 

"What if something happened?! What if Jaejoong's people got to him—"

"Youngjae, please. Let's not go there."

"But Guk, what if he's laying in the ditch somewhere, and we're watching a fucking movie—"

Just when Himchan walked up to calm him down, there were headlights coming through the big front-facing windows where living room was attached as well. 

Youngjae's never been quicker than that, jumping from the sofa and basically tripping to open the front door. 

"Jae? Hello, love!"

"Don't you 'hello, love' me, Jung Daehyun!!! I was worried sick, you son of a—"

Before he could finish, Daehyun dropped his things to the floor, scooping him up from it instead. Youngjae swallowed each next profanity with Daehyun's mouth, focusing on having this man back in his arms. 

The tension left in waves, as he finally relaxed, kissing him back. Daehyun tasted of sweet mint, and Youngjae couldn't help but inhale as much, shivering when the taller pulled him secured in his arms, caging him with strong stance. 

Their lips only moved, teeth sucked and nipped, and by the time Youngjae felt like breathing again, Daehyun broke apart, searching for his eyes. 

Youngjae couldn't help but grin. 

"Hello, love." Daehyun repeated the same line, causing a different reaction in his boyfriend, this time around.

"Hi, Dae~"

Daehyun laughed at that, dropping him down to the floor, but still not letting him go. He missed him so much. 

"Are you okay?"

Youngjae huffed out, looking down to Daehyun's now wrinkled suit jacket. When he stayed silent, playing with his lapels, did Daehyun duck down to look him in the eyes. They were awfully damp. 

"Baby.."

"I was worried, okay." Youngjae started sobbing, hiding his face in the said suit jacket. There were a million emotions coursing through his frame and he didn't know on which to focus first. He was worried, sad, angry, feeling loved and relieved all in one. 

And when Daehyun hugged him closer, he finally let go. 

"Dae?"

Daehyun looked over Youngjae's shoulder, seeing both Yongguk and Himchan standing at the threshold of the living room, worried as well. 

He smiled widely, nodding to say they're both fine and to leave them alone. He's got this. 

Himchan was hesitant at first, but Yongguk assured him that it's for the best, and pulled him to their shared room. When Youngjae came back from the hospital, Himchan and Yongguk came with him from their rented apartment that they took upon when Youngjae walked out of Daehyun's house, right before getting into accident. 

But when he came back, they couldn't leave him alone, so they moved temporarily back into Daehyun's house, and planned on staying for maybe a couple of months more. Daehyun didn't mind, and Youngjae loved to have them around. 

Besides, everybody was certain that Youngjae was staying, for good now, and that also meant sharing the house with Daehyun, who called it a home only when Youngjae was in it. It melted Youngjae every time. 

Back to the current situation, Daehyun watched as Himchan and Yongguk walked upstairs after turning off the lights in the living room, bidding them goodnight. 

And Daehyun planned to do the same. 

Himchan though, stopped at the last step, asking without words if he's got everything in order. Daehyun understood right away, and nodded, witnessing when Himchan broke out in a gleeful smile, turning around to skip to his bedroom.

"Jae?" Youngjae didn't want to let him go, so Daehyun kissed his crown, leaving his shoes at the rack, with the younger still clinging to his front. 

The walking upstairs was heavy, to say the least, because Youngjae walked backwards, not wanting to let go. But once they closed the doors to their bedroom, Youngjae pushed him off, turning to the bathroom. 

"Why couldn't you call, at least! A message would've been enough too! Daehyun, I didn't know what to think!" He was getting ready for the bed, having already been showered after dinner, brushing his teeth when Daehyun walked in as well. 

"And this is not me to worry like this, but I—" Youngjae washed out his mouth, stopping to stand with his back to Daehyun. The older one was still too, watching how tense Youngjae was from the way his shoulders squared, and frame shaken. 

"Dae.. I thought I was going to die. With all of this happening, I didn't know what to think.."

Daehyun walked until he could hug him from the behind, dropping kisses on his exposed shoulder. Youngjae took off his shirt when they walked into the bedroom, probably going on auto-pilot, getting ready to shower before bed. So Daehyun enjoyed the opportunity to press him closer, hugging him tight. 

"I'm so sorry, love. I had some unfinished business, and by the time I was done, I was on my way home.." Youngjae closed his eyes when Daehyun started kissing his neck upwards, going to his soft spots behind his ear. "And I didn't check my phone in all of that hurry, so I apologize again. Please, forgive me."

"I was just worried because I thought.. I thought the worst happened—"

"Hey," Daehyun turned him around when Youngjae's voice hitched, holding his face softly. He understood right from the start. "I'm here, Jae. I'm okay, and I'm here, with you. Okay? Nothing happened to me, and nothing will, because of you, my love. You were brave to go through this till the end, and thanks to you, that... monster is facing a life-time sentence. He can't get to us, baby. Not to me, and especially not to you. I made sure of that. You made sure of that!"

Youngjae blinked his tears away, nodding to each word. "You're here. You're okay."

Daehyun smiled, confirming it. "I'm here, I'm with you, I'm okay."

Using a moment of Youngjae's inattention, Daehyun leaned down to kiss him softly on the swell of his bottom lip. "And I love you!"

"I love you, too. So much!"

Youngjae kissed back, swirling his hands around his neck, until they met at the back of it, hugging Daehyun close. He could've melted in the spot, right there and then. 

Daehyun kissed like a starving man, giving his all, spilling his everything. And Youngjae got lost in him way too easily.

"You're not off the hook, Dae."

They spilled over each other on the king-sized bed, touching everything they could reach. Daehyun laughed out loud, pushing Youngjae down on the soft duvet, as he worked his lips down in a soft pucker. 

Youngjae was ticklish, especially around his bellybutton, so Daehyun tried to make him at least giggle with hot huffs and playful bites. But when he looked up, Youngjae's glazed-over eyes were already looking back, and he got back to work in a second. 

First Youngjae's pants were off, then his boxers, along with Daehyun's shirt and pin-stiped dress pants. When they laid back nude, Daehyun pulled Youngjae close, dying to kiss and worship his body like it deserved. 

"Dae.." Youngjae's moans reached his ears easily, with the desire being fueled from the inside. He was burning underneath his fingertips, being soft and pliant under his lips, and Daehyun fell in love all over again. 

So he worked around until Youngjae was at his stomach, laying down on the soft pillow being set underneath his hips, pushing his bottom up for Daehyun. And boy, did he enjoy the view.

"Stop staring." Youngjae blushed underneath him, hiding his face when Daehyun started kissing from his nape, making sure to mark each spot on the unblemished skin. 

"I can't help it, love. You're so gorgeous." When his lips reach two plump cheeks, Daehyun playfully bit into the left one, earning a low hiss from his boyfriend. 

They weren't as experienced as it might've seemed, since Daehyun's been nothing short of patient and careful with Youngjae, ever since his accident. And they hadn't started being intimate until last week, when Youngjae literally dropped his pants down, and then casually dropped into Daehyun's lap next. 

But this was all still new to both of them. They still explored each other's wishes, turn-ons, and soft spots. Like this, for example, when Daehyun kissed the back of his thighs, having learned that it was one of the softest spots on Youngjae's body, the one that makes him whine. 

"Baby.. Where is the—" Youngjae's voice was thick with arousal, hidden from Daehyun's ears when he buried his face in the pillows at the head of the bed, but still loud enough for Daehyun to reach into the nightstand and pull a bottle out. 

"Shh, I'm getting there. My impatient baby."

After coating three of his fingers, Daehyun pushed the cheeks apart, having to use a hand for it, since the perched up pillow didn't help much. Youngjae was... well endowed in his backside. 

Before breaching him, Daehyun leaned down to puff some hot air on his pucker of nerves, giggling when goosebumps erupted on Youngjae's skin. The said boyfriend tried to kick him to hurry up, being embarrassed for having Daehyun's face there, but he took his time. 

"Dae!!"

He left a kiss at the pucker just because, circling the rim with all three of his lubed-up fingers, easing one slowly. By the third, Youngjae was a moaning mess, pushing his ass out for more. 

And Daehyun was slowly losing his mind to being swallowed up so easily. 

"I need you. Now, Dae!"

"What's the magic word?"

Daehyun flipped him to his back, keeping the pillow bellow his ass that jutted out even like this, and leaned down to stop at his lips. "Be a good boy, baby, and—"

"Fuck me, Daehyun!" Youngjae pulled at his face to kiss him square on the lips, swallowing his moans when Daehyun pushed in slowly. 

"All the way in, baby. That's it.." Youngjae threw his head back when Daehyun slipped in, bottoming out. He felt so ful, so blissed out of his mind, and when his boyfriend started grinding, he was gone. 

"Ah, yes. Fuck.." Youngjae got lost in the sensation, closing his eyes when Daehyun's eyes started to be too much. And who could've blamed him.

He did stare, right in Youngjae's open mouth and cute nose twitching, but he couldn't help it. He was that gorgeous. 

"You're so gorgeous!"

"Fuck me! Faster, Dae, please!"

So Daehyun pulled out, standing on his knees instead, and grabbed at Youngjae's hips. Their eyes met for a second, before he slammed back inside, literally rolling Youngjae's eyes to the back of his head. 

Youngjae was canting his hips to meet each thrust, while spilling moans and groans of Daehyun's name repeatedly. He was so close, just from being stuffed, and Daehyun hasn't even touched him where it counted. 

"Baby.. Fuck.. You take me so well." 

Daehyun, having not been with a man other than Youngjae, was too good for his own good—and for Youngjae's especially—and his boyfriend liked to remind him all the time.

So when their lips touched once again, Daehyun thrusting without a pause, Youngjae raked his fingers in his ebony hair, pulling at the roots harshly. 

"You fuck me the best, fuck. I can lose my mind just from this."

Daehyun groaned loudly, hiccupping in his thrusts. Instead, he buried his face in Youngjae's neck, licking up to his ear. "Yeah? I've already lost my mind because of you. You were born for this, you love being stuffed with my cock, don't you.. "

"Yes, oh god! Yes!" Youngjae screamed out loud when he was finally being punished where it counted, wrapping both legs around Daehyun to push him deeper. 

Youngjae suddenly shivered, and Daehyun moved away to see it. "Dae, I—"

Right when Daehyun reached his peak, Youngjae pulled him in for a kiss, biting down on his lip when the wave crushed him from the inside. He was seeing white in front of his eyes, with whole body going rigid, milking Daehyun unintentionally as well. 

When Youngjae opened his eyes, he was met with a blissfully smiling Daehyun, looking down to him. They were both sated, in each other's arms, and nothing else mattered.

When Youngjae yawned loudly, Daehyun cleaned them up, pushing him to take another shower, sharing one in the end. Youngjae pushed the covers off for now, pulling a new set from the closet, as both of them laid there naked and still fresh from the shower.

Neither wanted to sleep, but it was slowly swallowing them up, as Youngjae buried his head in Daehyun's chest, whispering sweet nothings into the warm chest.

At his last 'I love you, Dae', Youngjae fell asleep, making a cocoon of the covers over both of them. Daehyun was still fighting to stay awake for a bit longer, peeling off when he was certain that Youngjae was sound asleep. 

Putting on some boxers and a robe, he walked downstairs to pick his stuff from the foyer, carrying everything to his office at the end of the hall. When he came back to the bedroom, Youngjae was still asleep, grumbling for him in his sleep, and Daehyun had to smile.

His life was finally where he wanted it to be. With the love of his life, with his best friends, and with Youngjae out of all the people that were in his life, some staying, some leaving, the one that counted the most. 

Daehyun sat down on the chair pushed to the windows, overlooking the garden underneath, but also being in the perfect position for him to watch Youngjae sleeping too. 

When his fingers touched the pocket of the robe he had on, he smiled once again. He wanted to scream 'I love you' all over again, but it was enough to watch Youngjae like this, and thank him for being his. 

So when he felt courageous, Daehyun pulled the little velvet box out of the confines of the pocket, pushing the lid open with his thumb. When he looked back at Youngjae, he suddenly relaxed completely, like having good dreams instead of the usual, bad ones, so Daehyun relaxed too. It's been forever ever since the nightmares stopped.

The golden band glistening in the moonlight coming through the windows behind him, had those same words engraved on the inside, and Daehyun couldn't contain his excitement. He was certain that Youngjae would love it too, and he couldn't wait to finally pop the question, and slip the ring on. 

He couldn't wait to spend his life with Yoo Youngjae, as well.

'Yours forever and even after. Love, Dae'

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Love you, xox


End file.
